Forgiving Yourself After an Affair, Psalm 51, David


How to Forgive Yourself After an Affair


It’s one thing to be forgiven by your spouse after an affair, but how does one handle it when they are finding it difficult to forgive themselves after an affair. Here is a major scriptural point to consider.

forgiving yourself after an affair

You Must Sense the Forgiveness of God before You are Able to Forgive Yourself


In order to forgive yourself, you must first sense the forgiveness of God. If this is at all out of order in your life, you will find it difficult to truly forgive yourself, especially after an affair.


It’s Okay to Want to Feel Forgiven


We can give a plethora of principles along the lines of forgiveness, but, ultimately, God must give a person what I call a sense of forgiveness.

I realize that in Christianity we tend to stay away from the idea of basing our faith on our feelings, and rightfully so. But, that is not what I am suggesting. In all actuality, I am teaching that our faith should be manifested in the fact that we sense God’s forgiveness in our hearts. This is actually taught in Hebrews 9:14. In this passage, God says:


“How much more shall the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself without spot to God, purge your conscience from dead works to serve the living God?”


If you will notice, the Bible is teaching us that Christ died so that our conscience could be purged from the shame and guilt that sin often brings.


Psalm 51 – Make it your Manual


For those struggling with overcoming the shame that often accompanies infidelity, I often refer them to Psalm 51. This was actually a song of repentance that David wrote after he had committed adultery with Bathsheeba.

In this Psalm, David said:


“Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy lovingkindness: according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions. Wash me throughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin.”


He went on to write:


“Hide thy face from my sins, and blot out all mine iniquities. Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.”


In the previous two selections, I love the phrases “wash me throughly from mine iniquity” and “cleanse me from my sin”. I also appreciate David praying that God would “renew a right spirit: within himself.

Through David’s song of repentance, I believe we can also see that God wants us to sense His forgiveness. However, sometimes, this does not necessarily come overnight. And, a person may need to do quite a bit of asking, seeking, and knocking in order for the previous mentioned verses to become a reality in their lives.


Christianity is a Hospital


Keep in mind that Christianity is not a medical show, but a hospital for sinners in need. Christ died because you are a sinner, therefore, He is not all surprised by your need for forgiveness and cleansing. Therefore, come boldly before the throne of grace to obtain the mercy that you now need. (Hebrews 4:16)

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Posted in Recovering After an Affair

6 comments on “Forgiving Yourself After an Affair, Psalm 51, David
  1. Joeann says:

    I cheated. My husband forgave me but struggles to move past it, as I’ve prayed I’ve realised I never asked for forgiveness from God nor for the families that were impacted on both sides. Thank you Lord that you brought this to my attention; Lord help both families to be healed in Jesus’ name amen

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