Will My Marriage Survive an Affair?
After adultery has taken place, many ask the question, “Will my marriage survive an affair?” Let me give you some insight as to why your marriage can survive an affair.
Because Others Have Done It
Though I am not one to base all of my decisions on what others are doing, it is sometimes helpful to see that other marriages have survived an affair.
I Corinthians 10:13 tells us:
“There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man:”
Simply put, God is telling us that, in some form or fashion, we all tend to face the same issues in life. That said, I believe it is helpful to see how others have solved their issues as it can, at times, be a source of encouragement and learning.
Because Others Are There to Help You
You do not have to handle your marriage issues alone. In fact, you would be unwise to try and fix your marriage issues by what I call trial and error.
Counselors, therapists, and coaches exist to help you to find the right answers at the right time. So be sure to reach out and seek the counsel of others as you are typically too emotional too find a solution on your own.
Our 2-step process has helped a number of couples to move out of the muck of adultery. Whether you learn about our 2-step process through our book on marriage, How to Fight for Your Marriage Without Fighting with One Another, our Audio Series, or our private coaching services, you may find our approach refreshing and extremely helpful.
Though I do not like to advertise any type of a success rate, I would have to say that when we deal with couples, we are accustomed to winning more than we lose. However, we simply owe that to the fact that Biblical principles work when applied and taught in a Spirit-led fashion.
Because God is Able
I loathe trite religious sayings. Yet, it should be noted that no matter how overused the expression is, God is able to do all things.
Though I will never be the one that will guarantee success in your particular situation, I will say no matter what the outcome of your marriage, seek the Lord and His guidance at this time.
Once again, no matter how your spouse proceeds from this point on, I would greatly encourage you to seek after the Lord as faith in God is believing Him and leaving all the consequences to Him. And, one thing is for sure, if you seek the Lord, I already know something about you: whether in this life or the life to come, your future is bright.
For those asking, “Will my marriage survive an affair?”, it is also important to know that, at times, you are better with the devil you know than the devil you do not know. In other words, though I would never advocate staying with an unrepentant adulterer, there are times when a repentant adulterer is, indeed, truly repentant. And, it could be that as they have touched the hot stove of adultery, they are certain to never flirt with that danger again.
Proverbs 20:30 tell us that “the blueness of a wound cleanseth away evil: so do stripes the inward parts of the belly.” In other words, once a person touches a hot stove, sometimes, the pain is great enough to convince them to never do it again.
Though there are certainly exceptions to the Proverbs 20:30 principle, you may be living with someone that will never commit adultery again. This may be because they now see that adultery is simply a mirage that ends in misery.
It seems some people are asking this question before they have an affair!
Caught in life long patterns of self indulgence already, they see how sexual sin and devastation is treated so lightly in the church, almost as if its a failing of the betrayed spouse, and they answer themselves “YES, I will be okay, I can have whatever I want…” and so they continue in their sin until they are finally “having an affair”. All the time figuring if they do ever get caught the betrayed spouse will be bullied into tolerance and reconciliation by the church.
Yes, people have worked through the horror and trauma that comes from discovering the marriage vows meant nothing. They work through the realization that they hardly know the person they have shared themselves with body and soul. But it is HARD WORK, and many of those will end up paying deeply for staying with a cheater.
I dont know where you are getting your numbers and notions of “the hot stove” as applied to something so chemically addictive as acting out sexually, but I think you are a bit off here. That very wise scripture would only apply IF there were severe consequences that leave scars.
Its’s only a “burn” if the affair cost them severely. We have to be really careful here because it almost like you are promising they can have both worlds: the excitement of the forbidden fruit of new sexual connections AND the stability of a faithful spouse who remains even after being neglected/abused, lied to, and disregarded.
Many unfaithful spouses are actually serial sexual betrayers. “The Affair” that finally gets exposed rarely happened out of the blue. Instead it was the result of deep and long held character issues and a complete lack of proper boundaries.
Have you actually worked through a betrayal yourself and stayed married to that person? If so, what were the hardest parts for you?
A friend is now filing for divorce after the discovery of his wife’s third affair. She is “really sorry” but will not even make a serious verbal declaration that she wont do it again! She wants to go on with the beautiful-church-family appearance, and sleep together and him just forgive-n-forget because she’s not cheating now. The mind of the unfaithful is not entirely rational.