Signs of a Cheating Spouse
What are the signs of a cheating spouse? Is it possible to tell if your spouse is having an affair or an adulterous relationship?
Some Signs of a Cheating Spouse
Here are a few signs of a cheating spouse that I have noticed over the years. Keep in mind, however, that the presence of these does not guarantee that someone is having an affair. But, I will say that when a spouse is cheating, one or more of these characteristics are definitely present:
Guarding the phone
If a spouse often puts their phone face down, or if they are very diligent about keeping it in a secure location like a purse or a drawer, this is often a sign of trouble.
Emotionally or physically distant
Jesus said that no man can serve two masters. (Matthew 6:24) Though he was dealing with money in that verse, an application can be made to married couples. That is, I have found that when an affair or infidelity is taking place, spouses often are cutting, rude, or emotionally distant from their spouse. In other words, they typically have a difficult time pouring their all into their marriage as they have little left over from the other relationship.
Stories that do not make sense
Oftentimes, when adultery is taking place, there is a lot of double-speak happening. That is, stories stop lining up with reality. Though it may take a while to find a spouse’s hand in the cookie jar, the concerned spouse is often left scratching their head when they compare reality to what is being said by the potential adulterer.
Some spouses that are involved in adultery tend to only give out information when asked. That is, it is not that they are necessarily lying to you, but you feel that you have to ask the right questions in order to get the right answers.
Some are married to what I call master deflectors, especially when adultery is taking place.
When the concerned spouse is trying to pin them down as to where they were or what they have been doing, they often respond with statements as such:
Don’t you trust me?
I told you there is nothing going on!
Why don’t you believe me?
You are so jealous!
I don’t have to be treated like a child.
Have you ever caught me cheating on you?
Though some spouses that are not involved with adultery may say the same things, the key is that the cheating spouse will use these statements to avoid directly answering the questions of the other.
A lack of willingness to be an open book
This is probably one of the biggest signs of a cheating spouse. The rule of thumb is as follows: if there is nothing to hide, then there is no reason why they should not be an open book. It really is that simple!
For many cheating spouses, they are either the unluckiest people in the world or they are involved in infidelity. That is, most people rarely experience the following:
People calling and warning that adultery is taking place
Other people seeing the two out in public or in private places such as a park or their respective places of business
The other person’s phone number showing up on call records
Chance encounters at schools and community events that seem to take place on a regular basis
Accusations of flirtatious behavior by people that have no reason to lie or belittle those involved
Something is just not right
Intuition, though not always spot on, can be a very powerful influence in our lives. There are times when you just feel that something is not right, and though we have to be careful with coming to too many conclusions with our intuition, we should not leave this out of the discussion.
A general feeling that you do not have the whole heart and soul of your spouse
Sins of omission
People involved in adultery often deflect the attention off of their sin by pointing out what they have not been caught doing. However, one way of accentuating the darkness is to try to move the potential adulterer toward the light.
In other words, I typically find that a person that is cheating on their spouse is in a room of darkness. Consequently, consistently shining the light of unconditional love is something that they are just not able to do. Why is this? Once again, light and darkness cannot abide in the same place. Therefore, sometimes, you must attack the issue backwards by drawing boundary lines of service and unconditional love and seeing if the other will hold to them.
When adultery is taking place in a marriage, I have never seen someone able to consistently show unconditional love in a marriage. It is an impossibility as, once again, light and darkness cannot dwell in the same place.