I Peter 3:7 teaches that husbands are to honor their wives. What does this mean? How can a husband put this into practice? What are some practical ways that a husband can honor his wife? Here are a few pointers from Dr. Raymond Force, author of How to Fight for Your Marriage Without Fighting with One Another.
The Actual Verse
If you are not well acquainted with I Peter 3:7, here is the verse:
“Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.”
Before I Get Started
Before I give a few ways that a husband can honor his wife as I Peter 3:7 teaches, I have something to get off my chest. That is, this idea that the biblical model pushes women down is absolutely ridiculous. This notion has been purported by scripturally illiterate people that filter selected verses through their unbelief and misunderstanding of a holy and loving God.
In I Peter 3:7, we have yet another verse that teaches us that a biblical man does not use his position to push down his wife, but exalt her. In fact, if a man uses the Bible simply as a tool to control his wife, he is altogether unbiblical, and his spirit is contrary to the Spirit of Christ.
Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church. As a member of His bride, the church, I can truly say that I am exalted all the more for my submission to the greatest Servant, the Lord Jesus Christ (Philippians 2:5). In fact, sin simply brought me down, but Jesus Christ, the church’s groom, lifted me up.
In the same way, a biblical marriage does not bring women down as much as it exalts their powerful, yet beautiful influence in our lives. That is, the biblical model for marriage does not demean women, it exalts them, provides protection for them, and promotes an atmosphere for them to do what they do best, exercise their femininity.
How Can a Husband Show Honor to His Wife
Here are a few ways that a husband can show honor to his wife in accordance to I Peter 3:7:
By adding value to her life
First of all, notice that I used the word adding. That is, marriage is to be an add-on to what Christ is already doing in someone’s life.
In our marriage book, How to Fight for Your Marriage Without Fighting with One Another, I wrote:
“I deem marriage to be the icing on top of the cake. That is, matrimony is a fringe benefit to what the Lord has already done in our lives. Unfortunately, some men and women have little or no cake upon which that icing can rest. In cases as such, their mates often grow weary in their attempts at blessing them as, deep down, I believe they know they can never take the place of God in their lives.”
By taking interest in her interests
This is a part of our 2nd step. You may read more about this in our marriage book or our article called How Manure Saved My Marriage.
By not discounting her words in front of the children
Parents should always work at establishing what I call a united front before the children.
By not criticizing her ideas even though they differ from yours
By maintaining an awareness of her emotional needs
Just as Christ knows what we need before we even ask, I believe a godly husband will maintain an awareness of his wife’s state.
By considering her viewpoint instead of dismissing it
Most of the time, if I make a decision that my wife is not for, it ends up being a bad decision. The same Holy Spirit that leads me can lead her.
By not exposing her to emotional temptations
If at all possible, it is best for husbands to cover their wives so as to protect them from emotional storms that they should not have to handle. If a husband fails in this area, he will often end up with a wife that hardens her heart to the point where she finds it difficult to show softness. The end result is rarely pleasant, and it often takes years for husbands to reverse that process.
Here are a few ways that a husband can protect his wife emotionally:
Be sure that she knows that you have eyes for only her
Lead do not drive
As much as is possible, be financially stable
Be open to the idea that you may not have it all together (most women are not looking for perfection, only honesty)
Make sure she knows you want to be at home and with her (a good night out is a good night in)
Be honest (not even white lies, they do not exist)
Work at being a blessing to the family
Check Out Our Marriage Book
To learn How to Fight for Your Marriage Without Fighting with One Another, check out Dr. Raymond Force’s marriage book which gives couples a Biblical and refreshing approach to solving their marriage problems. Find out more about our marriage book.
- Learn about our proven, 2-step process
- Designed as a couples devotional
- Use in a group study
- A biblical and refreshing approach
I gotta say this really nailed where I am emotionally. My husband lives his life seperate from us. He does his own thing,literally pays bills,picks a fight,badgers me. Does his narcissim thing and repeats his cycle. What he actually may be doing,i am not sure. Bc i dont have time for the “negative”.
But he only sows it,thus me drowning in constant recovery mode. When i pray,i hear the lord tell me 10 years. This year we have been together for 10,married 8. I am hoping and believing in Faith for a miracle. What that miracle or Gods plan,I truly dont know. But i know he sees my tears,me in the lions den. Persecution for his name sake. Please be with me in prayer. Heavenly Father,please place your devine hands upon my marriage. Combine our hearts,for your glory,for your purpose. I give my spirit to you. Please forgive out sins,restore our love. In Jesus name. Amen
Many a time I’ve felt same as you, then I realized I was unforgiving and focousing on all his faults and not my own. It’s easy to see his faults and how he should change for me, hard to see what are my faults and then change, GOD will hold us accountable for what we did, not what was done to us!
Don’t get me wrong I do know what’s it’s like, we have to move ourselves out of the savior way so GOD the real savior can get a clear shot at him.
A good starting point would be to Thank GOD for him and pray for him daily at the least.
You got it girl right . N the nose.
I am so sorry. I’m going through the same thing. Dealing with a narc…..I’ve been married to him a year and 3months, together for 2 years. I’m in the process of separation because I’ve been on this rollercoaster ride the whole marriage and I’m tired of his bs. I don’t see him changing and a lot has happened. I’m so tired
I’ve been there too, he was having multiple affairs. No one is perfect, but please know your actions are not the reason for his. Ultimately, even if you are having a bad day, he can make selfless choices. However God is the Lord of the earth and everything in it, He has the power to change, and for us, He did. Stay strong in your faith, God works everything for good!
I feel your pain except he is the way he is and I pay all the bills. Ever since he tried to take control our the money using my check (he doesn’t work; fired from 3 jobs) and I put my foot down he doesn’t help with any of the bills. Be grateful at least you don’t have to worry about the money aspect of it. I will pray for your marriage that God would give you wisdom on how to best serve Him and what he want’s you to do in the marriage. I am married to a vulnerable narcissist although of course he say’s it’s all me and I am a crazy and a manipulative liar.
What if your Godley husband of 10 years is a good man , we both work , he helps me in the house , go to church together , we both have been married before I have a 24 year old son , we have no children together , built a new home together , but for 4 years we have not been sexually active , he wants nothing to do with me in that area , he has no sexual feelings at all , he says its not me its him , but he will not talk about it , if I bring it up he gets so mad , I have lost close connection with him , I’m hurting , he’s fine with it , I feel like we are just room mates Sharing the bills , I have asked him to go to a Dr maybe something is wrong , he refuses , he says he is ok with they way things are and I should be too , he is a momma’s boy and does everything she says , he is so afraid of what his parents think of him always , I can’t compete with them , they come first , I don’t want another divorce , I love him but I’m losing that love fast , when we fight there is no making up , he expects me to just forgive him and move on like nothing ever happened but he thinks he is always right in every fight , he will not except any fault of himself , he turned everything around on me like it’s my fault , I am a praying woman , I am a forgiving person , but my heart is torn so bad , I feel all I have is Jesus and he is all I need , I’m growing closer to God , but at the same time having a cold heart towards my husband just so I won’t want the sexual feelings towards him or anyone else , I have to keep all my passion bottled up so I will not expect anything from him , I have tried so hard to figure out his problem but I can’t , I have given it all to God but in the end I just exist in my marriage , no togetherness , no communication , just robots living under the same roof , do I just except the way things are and keep doing what I’m doing , I really don’t know where to go from here , I need prayers , we need prayers !!!
Yes that is hurtful, I’m sorry. He needs to be more transparent with you. It’s him? Well what about him? I honestly wouldn’t care if he got mad, he needs to understand communication is a huge part of a marriage. The lack of communication and getting defensive is concerning therefore it looks like he is hiding something he does not want you to know. In order to find that out, you need him to communicate and tell you the truth of what is really going on.
My boyfriend gets defensive when I confront him about things he doesn’t want me to know either. I did my own research and found out some truths that exposed his lies so I asked him one more time if there’s something he wants to tell me. He continued to say no until I confronted him with what I found out. Point being, When people get defensive like that, they want to hide information. My best advice is to get on your knees in prayer and to seek counsel on your own. God can do anything, even save a crumbling marriage. God bless you and your husband.
Count with my prayers. I can see you are a good woman.In a kind way with love,faith. Try to convince him and go with him to a doctor.Intimacy all the time i think is important
this is the man of a marriage of 25 yrs and together for 34 yrs . i hear you im not a doctor but have medical knowledge. as men ( we ) get older our testosterone levels drop considerably. just a thought … i so much want to reply to all of seem to be ladies for i have learned so much from my wife .. my wife covered our family till god showed me my place as a christian man .. ladies don’t give up on us men .. the father can a will change our thinking .. he showed me my wife is my wisdom and i must listen and hear god speak to me through her.. . if i go on my own thought more than likely it is the wrong choice . us men can be very prideful . because we want to show our wives we can do it all and take care of everything . but our wives need us to be humble like Christ wants us … it just takes us a long time to figure it out… god can an will do miracles in a marriage.. … but if a man ever raises a hand towards his wife .. first he is not a man he is a cowered.. second its only then should a wife leave out of protections for herself and kids .. my own manly opinion… a mans perspective .. after Christs heart and my lovely wife’s heart
There are more kinds of abuse then just physical abuse. A woman should leave in any kind of abusive situation. If a man can’t or won’t change then the marriage must end. Period! Abuse is abuse no matter the kind and rarely does an abusive man change. It can happen but usually doesn’t. If the church started respecting women then change might be possible. If the church started teach ing what the Bible actually teaches that husbands and wives are supposed to be equal and they submit to each other and that Christ is the spiritual head (in the churches definition of head not the Bible’s definition ) then we would see healthy marriages in the church. Then abuse and narcissistic behavior by men would decrease and the church would flourish much more.
Reading your story just shocked me because it was like I was reading a story of me and my husband.
We have been together for 9+ years, married for 8+ years.
The night of our wedding my husband didn’t touch me. The next 7 days as we were on our honeymoon I had to pretty much beg for him to be intimate with me. A few months later my husband decided, for the both of us, that their would be no more sex. Over the past 8 years we have been intimate maybe 5 times, if that.
Yes I’ve tried hard to talk to him to figure out why. I kept telling myself that it was me and my fault. I thought maybe because I gained weight, due to my disease, I have Crohn’s and Celiac Colitis. But my husband kept telling me over the years that it wasn’t me that it was him. He blamed it on his thyroid problem. Then said maybe it was a male medical problem. The excuses kept coming and changed everytime we talked about it.
My heart grew cold and I begged the Lord to take my sexual desires away and to never let them return. I asked the Lord to never let me feel any desires for my husband or another man again. Well be careful for what you pray for because God just might give it to you. I can no longer remember the last time my husband wanted me in a sexual manner. Yet at the same time I also can’t remember the last time I have had any sexual desires towards my husband. It has been like this now going on 5+ years.
I’m telling you all of this for a reason.
Never give up on your marriage. I know how hard it is to be the only one praying in a marriage. I know how it feels to have your husband look at you and to see and feel nothing. I am to blame for this just as much as he is, if not more.
I’m the one that gave up on having an intimate relationship with my husband. It was and still is my job to always pray for my husband in every area of his life and our marriage but I failed. I failed him and myself. I felt I couldn’t take it anymore so I stopped praying for that part of our marriage. What’s worse is I started praying against our marriage the second I asked the Lord to turn my heart cold when it comes to the intimate part of my marriage. I was wrong. By praying this I was pretty much telling God that I didn’t have enough faith in Jesus to heal that part of my marriage so turned my heart against it.
I know how hard it is for you but go back to Moses life. Sara wanted a child by Moses so badly that she took matters into her own hands and had Moses sleep with another woman. Moses agreed and that woman gave birth to Moses first child and son. As he grew older Sara told Moses she wanted him to rid the woman and his son from their camp. She did this out of jealousy but Moses did as Sara asked. Then one day out of the blue God sent an angel to Moses and told him Sara will give birth to his son. God also sent an angel to Sara and told her the same thing, that she will be giving birth to a son and she is to call him “Isaac”. Sara didn’t believe a word the angel told her. But God’s promise was still carried out.
So we must do the same. We have to choose NOT to be a Sara and we must believe believe in God’s promises. God’s promises are always true and righteous. We just have to continue to pray no matter how long it takes. Remember that God’s timing is not our timing. Keep praying and ask the Heavenly Father to give you strength to carry on no matter how hard or long the road is.
I’ve read through every story and haven’t wanted to comment until now. Your honesty has a purity of pain, if that makes sense. God did created a husband and wife to experience something beautiful through sex. That’s up to you, your husband and Christ as to what that looks like. But, to pray for that light to longer shine….it saddens me. Your message is your loyal, prayful, wise and have faith that God hears you and has the power to give you what you ask for. I pray that you would give your heart and marriage back to God. Let him know your needs and desires for husband. Ask for what you want, trust he will give you what you need. But, I believe he wants you to have joy. There is joy in a relationship between a husband and a wife. I have prayed for you. Your Creator has made you beautiful. Thank you!
Get his testosterone levels checked…
The Lord tell’s married couples to not withhold from one another. Except for fasting in prayer. I would seek to find the truth. Ask the Lord to reveal the truth to you and set you free from the pain. Amen
exactly my situation. i jst exist here because of my children. robots living under a roof. I really want it to end but i am scared of caring for the children alone