I Peter 3:7 teaches that husbands are to honor their wives. What does this mean? How can a husband put this into practice? What are some practical ways that a husband can honor his wife? Here are a few pointers from Dr. Raymond Force, author of How to Fight for Your Marriage Without Fighting with One Another.
The Actual Verse
If you are not well acquainted with I Peter 3:7, here is the verse:
“Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.”
Before I Get Started
Before I give a few ways that a husband can honor his wife as I Peter 3:7 teaches, I have something to get off my chest. That is, this idea that the biblical model pushes women down is absolutely ridiculous. This notion has been purported by scripturally illiterate people that filter selected verses through their unbelief and misunderstanding of a holy and loving God.
In I Peter 3:7, we have yet another verse that teaches us that a biblical man does not use his position to push down his wife, but exalt her. In fact, if a man uses the Bible simply as a tool to control his wife, he is altogether unbiblical, and his spirit is contrary to the Spirit of Christ.
Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church. As a member of His bride, the church, I can truly say that I am exalted all the more for my submission to the greatest Servant, the Lord Jesus Christ (Philippians 2:5). In fact, sin simply brought me down, but Jesus Christ, the church’s groom, lifted me up.
In the same way, a biblical marriage does not bring women down as much as it exalts their powerful, yet beautiful influence in our lives. That is, the biblical model for marriage does not demean women, it exalts them, provides protection for them, and promotes an atmosphere for them to do what they do best, exercise their femininity.
How Can a Husband Show Honor to His Wife
Here are a few ways that a husband can show honor to his wife in accordance to I Peter 3:7:
By adding value to her life
First of all, notice that I used the word adding. That is, marriage is to be an add-on to what Christ is already doing in someone’s life.
In our marriage book, How to Fight for Your Marriage Without Fighting with One Another, I wrote:
“I deem marriage to be the icing on top of the cake. That is, matrimony is a fringe benefit to what the Lord has already done in our lives. Unfortunately, some men and women have little or no cake upon which that icing can rest. In cases as such, their mates often grow weary in their attempts at blessing them as, deep down, I believe they know they can never take the place of God in their lives.”
By taking interest in her interests
This is a part of our 2nd step. You may read more about this in our marriage book or our article called How Manure Saved My Marriage.
By not discounting her words in front of the children
Parents should always work at establishing what I call a united front before the children.
By not criticizing her ideas even though they differ from yours
By maintaining an awareness of her emotional needs
Just as Christ knows what we need before we even ask, I believe a godly husband will maintain an awareness of his wife’s state.
By considering her viewpoint instead of dismissing it
Most of the time, if I make a decision that my wife is not for, it ends up being a bad decision. The same Holy Spirit that leads me can lead her.
By not exposing her to emotional temptations
If at all possible, it is best for husbands to cover their wives so as to protect them from emotional storms that they should not have to handle. If a husband fails in this area, he will often end up with a wife that hardens her heart to the point where she finds it difficult to show softness. The end result is rarely pleasant, and it often takes years for husbands to reverse that process.
Here are a few ways that a husband can protect his wife emotionally:
Be sure that she knows that you have eyes for only her
Lead do not drive
As much as is possible, be financially stable
Be open to the idea that you may not have it all together (most women are not looking for perfection, only honesty)
Make sure she knows you want to be at home and with her (a good night out is a good night in)
Be honest (not even white lies, they do not exist)
Work at being a blessing to the family
Check Out Our Marriage Book
To learn How to Fight for Your Marriage Without Fighting with One Another, check out Dr. Raymond Force’s marriage book which gives couples a Biblical and refreshing approach to solving their marriage problems. Find out more about our marriage book.
- Learn about our proven, 2-step process
- Designed as a couples devotional
- Use in a group study
- A biblical and refreshing approach
My sex, porn, and alcohol addicted husband has ruined our lives and left us in horrific circumstances. After standing by him after disclosures of the above and every kind of infidelity, a stint in the psych ward, sex addiction therapy and groups, his anger and hostility increased to progressively worse violence and abandonment. He left us (me and 2 pre-adolescent daughters) eventfully and after promising to get help, cut contact completely and served me with a ‘property settlement agreement’ with no notice that I was instructed within to take to a lawyer. Now we are in divorce proceedings as per all attorneys I consulted and my priest.
I’ve been taken for over $7000 in legal fees and haven’t even got a support order in place (after 7 months.) He left us in a house with no heat and a 20 year old car despite being a very high earner. I’ve moved twice this school year by myself with 2 kids and no help.
I feel thrown to the wolves by the Church (zero help), therapists, lawyers, every person I’ve gone to for help. Appeals to his family resulted in nothing but a gut-punch. They have no regard even for my children. A Catholic family of 9 whose parents were married 62 years.
This is the best the Church, society, my husband can do for his family who loved him and faithful and loyal wife of 18 years who would have done anything for him? Utter financial devastation and a nuke dropped right onto our family?
He won’t answer calls, emails, or texts and just spent 9 days in Niagara Falls. He never took a 9 day vacation the entire time I knew him.
This was a Catholic husband and father who was with his family at Church every Sunday. I’m ravaged and decimated and have lost faith in almost everything. Is there no recourse? My children will suffer for his indefinitely.
I am so sorry for your pain. Porn hardens the heart as it did to my ex husband, also. He left 8 years ago like I did something to him after he destroyed the love we had in our marriage through neglect and hostility. The church wasn’t much help but Jesus never let me down. I enjoy my life more now but I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to fall in love again. My children are still suffering.
Will pray for you. Have many blessings
I am going through the same thing with my Catholic husband who is from a family of 11. The church has not helped me, I’ve already spent over $10,000 in legal fees, his meddling family has enjoyed watching the drama unfold. Yet his financial debt, extramarital affairs, narcissism, compulsive lying are all my fault. My children are so confused as he has 50% custody and endlessly poisons them against me. He’s angry, paranoid, entitled, sex addicted, with a jeckel and hyde personality. Amazing how the church wants no part of divorce and won’t help us when we are in greatest need.
So sorry for all you have been through. Pray for justice for you. Justice goes 2 ways. You are the wronged one so ask God to repay your for your faithfulness and to deal with your husband not so you can have him back but so you can have justice (child support, ending of slandering towards you, your children seeing truth.)I have seen this work in my life.
I am so sorry for your tremendous suffering, and for that of your girls. The blog and FB page “A Cry for Justice” and the organization Give Her Wings might provide some encouragement and hope for you, Dear One. Give Her Wings provides financial assistance to women trying to leave their abusive husbands…
I have been separated from my abusive ex-husband for 3 years and divorced for 1. Getting free from him was a long and emotionally exhausting process, but my kids and I are more healed and whole with each day that passes free from his control and abuse. Although your church has not been supportive, there is a whole army of Christian women who have been in your shoes and are walking this broken road with you. You are loved. You are God’s daughter. And you are not alone.
I am in a real tough place,how do you let go when you been fighting to keep things a float and you don’t even get recognize for doing so. It’s like I’m one big nightmare and I am like were are you help me, I’m in need of your hand over my family this marriage my entire life and in those around me HELP ME LORD