I Peter 3:7 teaches that husbands are to honor their wives. What does this mean? How can a husband put this into practice? What are some practical ways that a husband can honor his wife? Here are a few pointers from Dr. Raymond Force, author of How to Fight for Your Marriage Without Fighting with One Another.
The Actual Verse
If you are not well acquainted with I Peter 3:7, here is the verse:
“Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.”
Before I Get Started
Before I give a few ways that a husband can honor his wife as I Peter 3:7 teaches, I have something to get off my chest. That is, this idea that the biblical model pushes women down is absolutely ridiculous. This notion has been purported by scripturally illiterate people that filter selected verses through their unbelief and misunderstanding of a holy and loving God.
In I Peter 3:7, we have yet another verse that teaches us that a biblical man does not use his position to push down his wife, but exalt her. In fact, if a man uses the Bible simply as a tool to control his wife, he is altogether unbiblical, and his spirit is contrary to the Spirit of Christ.
Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church. As a member of His bride, the church, I can truly say that I am exalted all the more for my submission to the greatest Servant, the Lord Jesus Christ (Philippians 2:5). In fact, sin simply brought me down, but Jesus Christ, the church’s groom, lifted me up.
In the same way, a biblical marriage does not bring women down as much as it exalts their powerful, yet beautiful influence in our lives. That is, the biblical model for marriage does not demean women, it exalts them, provides protection for them, and promotes an atmosphere for them to do what they do best, exercise their femininity.
How Can a Husband Show Honor to His Wife
Here are a few ways that a husband can show honor to his wife in accordance to I Peter 3:7:
By adding value to her life
First of all, notice that I used the word adding. That is, marriage is to be an add-on to what Christ is already doing in someone’s life.
In our marriage book, How to Fight for Your Marriage Without Fighting with One Another, I wrote:
“I deem marriage to be the icing on top of the cake. That is, matrimony is a fringe benefit to what the Lord has already done in our lives. Unfortunately, some men and women have little or no cake upon which that icing can rest. In cases as such, their mates often grow weary in their attempts at blessing them as, deep down, I believe they know they can never take the place of God in their lives.”
By taking interest in her interests
This is a part of our 2nd step. You may read more about this in our marriage book or our article called How Manure Saved My Marriage.
By not discounting her words in front of the children
Parents should always work at establishing what I call a united front before the children.
By not criticizing her ideas even though they differ from yours
By maintaining an awareness of her emotional needs
Just as Christ knows what we need before we even ask, I believe a godly husband will maintain an awareness of his wife’s state.
By considering her viewpoint instead of dismissing it
Most of the time, if I make a decision that my wife is not for, it ends up being a bad decision. The same Holy Spirit that leads me can lead her.
By not exposing her to emotional temptations
If at all possible, it is best for husbands to cover their wives so as to protect them from emotional storms that they should not have to handle. If a husband fails in this area, he will often end up with a wife that hardens her heart to the point where she finds it difficult to show softness. The end result is rarely pleasant, and it often takes years for husbands to reverse that process.
Here are a few ways that a husband can protect his wife emotionally:
Be sure that she knows that you have eyes for only her
Lead do not drive
As much as is possible, be financially stable
Be open to the idea that you may not have it all together (most women are not looking for perfection, only honesty)
Make sure she knows you want to be at home and with her (a good night out is a good night in)
Be honest (not even white lies, they do not exist)
Work at being a blessing to the family
Check Out Our Marriage Book
To learn How to Fight for Your Marriage Without Fighting with One Another, check out Dr. Raymond Force’s marriage book which gives couples a Biblical and refreshing approach to solving their marriage problems. Find out more about our marriage book.
- Learn about our proven, 2-step process
- Designed as a couples devotional
- Use in a group study
- A biblical and refreshing approach
Been through a lot myself.
My first husband, much like my dad used the Bible to control me and make me doubto myself and my own relationship with God. My father was a known abuser ,who was later saved. There was a conference every year I was forced to go to, I enjoyed the first time I went but after that it became a substance to control and abuse me. I married young to a preacher, I thought things would be perfect, surly I would not suffer abuse. Far from the truth. I was under a complete dictatorship and torn down daily.
My raising by my mother taught me to love, honor and respect my husband. I lived as someone else for nearly 10 years, we had 3 beautiful children. I do not see him as a bad person, just misguided. I was told that I would burn in hell for the divorce, and I don’t have the space to explain the mental abuse and manipulation that I went through. I personally hated dating and gave up on life again and moved in with my ex just for the kids. He wanted to rekindle our relationship, but I told him absolutely not. It was months later I met my now husband. He i saw as perfect, he treated me as I thought was right, but after marriage, he quickly changed. I didn’t realize the level of jealousy he had nor how controlling and down right mean he could be. I was back in my prison, but now had not just the responsibility of my 3 children but two more great kids,who I love. Many times I wanted to run and I grew cold from all of the pain. We were in church but he grew more ill with me. After raising the 5 children, my plan was to bolt. I knew that the kids needed a mom. I did all that I could. My husband was in two major accidents and during those times completely dependent on me and became nice, even told me he didn’t know how special I was. This life has taught me a lot, I wish I had known young. I started to pray more for my husband and that he was blessed and protected. My heart became soft again and God started to change us both. He is by far not perfec, nor am I. There are things that I should have done differently, I see. But, I love my husband and love watching him grow. I no longer get accused of doing wrong and he is kinder to me. I speak up, but not in anger when I feel his words are too harsh. For the first time, I get apologies and change.
Prayers and God changes things.
I am not saying stay with your abuser, but if you can see it in them which is difficult to see if you are not looking , pray first, give it to God.
It might not seem like I have been through a lot, but I didn’t go into the difficult and painful details. I am not living there and I don’t want to go back. But, I will say God delivered my husband and myself.
Lady have many blessings
I’m a woman that’s been hurt so bad by men.. my husband currently is an achoolic and angry person… but only when he drinks. I’ve asked him several times to stop but he won’t. he mentioned councling but backs out of it when I make appointments. his family is far away from us and my family dose not want to be around him at all so they distance them self from me and my children. I don’t want another divorce but I’m no gonna last much longer at this.
I am so sorry Amber. I have been where you are. It is not easy. Keep giving it to God and seek godly advice. Lean not on your own understanding. Do not be lead by emotions. Do the next right thing… Even if it is hard..I am praying for.you.
I totally understand what you are saying Amber. I am in my second marriage with the same kind of man. It’s been 5 years of constant strife and I am barely hanging on. But my oath before God keeps me going. God is the ONLY one who gets me up every day and puts one foot in front of the other for I no longer have the will to do so on my own. Remember God is good. And His paths are perfect. Let him walk you down his aisle