Why do married couples struggle? Though there are a variety of answers to this question, I believe that part of the issue is that both men and women want something from their spouse that the other is not necessarily ready, willing, and always able to give. For this reason, I would like to discuss in just a few short paragraphs what a woman wants out of her man.
A Cross between William Wallace and Her Best Girlfriend
What a woman wants deep down inside is a man that is a cross between William Wallace and her best girlfriend. She wants his strength at 3 pm when he is working hard for the family, but would rather have his tenderness at 9 pm when she is befuddled from a hard day.
Though some men may feel this is too high of a standard, keep in mind that this is exactly what every Christian man expects out of Christ. That is, we want a God that is willing and able to fight our battles, but we also want that God that carries all of our burdens and cares. And, if I remember correctly, the Bible does tell men to love their wives as Christ loved the church.
A man, on the other hand, often wants something that is entirely different. He wants a woman that respects him as a man even when he displays his boyish tendencies.
For these reasons, many couples struggle, and, at the heart of many marital spats are the aforementioned issues.
Unconditional Love is Willing to be Stretched
I Corinthians 13:4-7 says:
“Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.”
As you look at this passage you will notice one key characteristic about true love: true love is willing to be stretched.
Paul tells us that true love “seeketh not her own”, “suffereth long”, and endures “all things”. Quite simply, Paul is teaching that when one is truly loving someone else, they are willing to consider the needs of the other even when it fails to line up with their personality or natural bent.
In regards to knowing what a woman wants, it is vital that men be willing to show a balance of strength and compassion. Though it will not necessarily come natural, the greatest sign of true love is that a husband is willing to step outside of what is natural to him and meet the needs of his wife.
Here is a list of some practical ways to apply these principles:
1. The rough and tumble man that has a difficult time understanding his wife’s need for conversation should work just as hard at talking and listening to his wife as he does as earning a paycheck.
2. The talkative man that has an easy time romancing his wife should also be willing to be stretched. He will do this by looking for ways to serve his wife by working hard for the family or finding practical ways to serve her.
3. A man, at times, has to be willing to convert from being that William Wallace to her best girlfriend on the fly. And, a failure to do so may lead to times that are less than enjoyable.
4. A husband will do well to study the character of Christ as He is the best example of what a husband should be. (Ephesians 5:25)
5. A man will do well to take on the attitude of Christ as He did not come and demand respect as much as He came and earned it through sacrificial service. Matthew 20:28 says:
“Even as the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many.”
This is an interesting verse in that Christ, the One that could have come and demanded unconditional respect, took upon Himself the form of a servant and earned it by offering unconditional love.