What a woman wants deep down inside is a man that is a cross between William Wallace and her best girlfriend. She wants his strength at 3 pm when he is working hard for the family, but would rather have his tenderness at 9 pm when she is befuddled from a hard day.
Though some men may feel this is too high of a standard, keep in mind that this is exactly what every Christian man expects out of Christ. That is, we want a God that is willing and able to fight our battles, but we also want that God that carries all of our burdens and cares. And, if I remember correctly, the Bible does tell men to love their wives as Christ loved the church.
A man, on the other hand, often wants something that is entirely different. He wants a woman that respects him as a man even when he displays his boyish tendencies.
For these reasons, many couples struggle, and, at the heart of many marital spats are the aforementioned issues.
Unconditional Love is Willing to be Stretched
I Corinthians 13:4-7 says:
“Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.”
As you look at this passage you will notice one key characteristic about true love: true love is willing to be stretched.
Paul tells us that true love “seeketh not her own”, “suffereth long”, and endures “all things”. Quite simply, Paul is teaching that when one is truly loving someone else, they are willing to consider the needs of the other even when it fails to line up with their personality or natural bent.
In regards to knowing what a woman wants, it is vital that men be willing to show a balance of strength and compassion. Though it will not necessarily come natural, the greatest sign of true love is that a husband is willing to step outside of what is natural to him and meet the needs of his wife.
Here is a list of some practical ways to apply these principles:
1. The rough and tumble man that has a difficult time understanding his wife’s need for conversation should work just as hard at talking and listening to his wife as he does as earning a paycheck.
2. The talkative man that has an easy time romancing his wife should also be willing to be stretched. He will do this by looking for ways to serve his wife by working hard for the family or finding practical ways to serve her.
3. A man, at times, has to be willing to convert from being that William Wallace to her best girlfriend on the fly. And, a failure to do so may lead to times that are less than enjoyable.
4. A husband will do well to study the character of Christ as He is the best example of what a husband should be. (Ephesians 5:25)
5. A man will do well to take on the attitude of Christ as He did not come and demand respect as much as He came and earned it through sacrificial service. Matthew 20:28 says:
“Even as the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many.”
This is an interesting verse in that Christ, the One that could have come and demanded unconditional respect, took upon Himself the form of a servant and earned it by offering unconditional love.
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I’ve been in each position mentioned by those commenting, as well as abuse on many levels. Respect and submission were truly dastardly and terrifying words ushering in defensiveness, contempt, and sheer confusion and frustration. Until I, at my wits end, felt led to The Respect Dare, but Nina Roesner. At first, I kicked, screamed, and threw stones at every lesson. As comical as that sounds to me now, it certainly was serious stuff then. As I went through the dare, I prayed for a softened and receptive heart, for opened eyes, and for a teachable spirit. He was faithful in all requests. I learned more than I ever thought I could- He moved my mountains by merely renewing my mind my truthful, healthy, balanced perspectives, peeling back layers of preconceived ideas, projections of hurtful wounds,and adjusting my attitude in the process. Truly a life and relationship changer for me, so much so, I revisited the course a few years later, as well as the sister course called Strength and Dignity. Many of the exact issues asked about are addressed. It is my hope and prayer that any and all wives experience the dare themselves, no matter the state of their marriage. <3 🙂
My husband is a good man. He works hard to provide for me and would die for me without hesitatation. I love him and never want to upset him.
Which leaves me feeling awful because I’m struggling with resentment over something petty. His parents always ate the same meals every week.
I refuse to spend the rest of my life eating the same 7 dinners but my husband will not even try new foods and seems frustrated with me cooking different things. We argue about this at least once a week and neither of us are willing to budge.
What do we do?
I know only one couple that ate the same 7 meals every week, and that was my grandparents, my beloved grandfather of 82 had been married to my sweet grandma for over 60 years until he just passed this october. Toward the end, all he cared about wad her well being, that she was ok and had enough money. This man was selfless and loving and caring, and in the end only cared about her. He was confused about who some others were, but never her, and when she was out of the room, despite that he couldn’t walk anymore, he would fall out of bed to come find her. I miss this man that was surrounded by so many that loved him all his life because of the truly giving man he was. A wonderful tradeoff for a “boring” menu. However, I think perhaps you can agree maybe to give up one night a week to be a new good night? Or maybe just once or twice a month. Is it ok if you cook foods you would like to try that he doesn’t for lunch perhaps? I know it seems like you are giving too much on his side, but if he is a good man otherwise, treats you kind and loves you well, this is an awesome tradeoff as many women would love to be in that place. Another thing to consider is that one of the major tasks of being a homemaker is planning meals and shopping lists, I believe having this done already every week can be a time saver for you. Prayers, I hope you find peace on this and enjoy each other more than the food you cook. GOD BLESS!!