What a woman wants deep down inside is a man that is a cross between William Wallace and her best girlfriend. She wants his strength at 3 pm when he is working hard for the family, but would rather have his tenderness at 9 pm when she is befuddled from a hard day.
Though some men may feel this is too high of a standard, keep in mind that this is exactly what every Christian man expects out of Christ. That is, we want a God that is willing and able to fight our battles, but we also want that God that carries all of our burdens and cares. And, if I remember correctly, the Bible does tell men to love their wives as Christ loved the church.
A man, on the other hand, often wants something that is entirely different. He wants a woman that respects him as a man even when he displays his boyish tendencies.
For these reasons, many couples struggle, and, at the heart of many marital spats are the aforementioned issues.
Unconditional Love is Willing to be Stretched
I Corinthians 13:4-7 says:
“Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.”
As you look at this passage you will notice one key characteristic about true love: true love is willing to be stretched.
Paul tells us that true love “seeketh not her own”, “suffereth long”, and endures “all things”. Quite simply, Paul is teaching that when one is truly loving someone else, they are willing to consider the needs of the other even when it fails to line up with their personality or natural bent.
In regards to knowing what a woman wants, it is vital that men be willing to show a balance of strength and compassion. Though it will not necessarily come natural, the greatest sign of true love is that a husband is willing to step outside of what is natural to him and meet the needs of his wife.
Here is a list of some practical ways to apply these principles:
1. The rough and tumble man that has a difficult time understanding his wife’s need for conversation should work just as hard at talking and listening to his wife as he does as earning a paycheck.
2. The talkative man that has an easy time romancing his wife should also be willing to be stretched. He will do this by looking for ways to serve his wife by working hard for the family or finding practical ways to serve her.
3. A man, at times, has to be willing to convert from being that William Wallace to her best girlfriend on the fly. And, a failure to do so may lead to times that are less than enjoyable.
4. A husband will do well to study the character of Christ as He is the best example of what a husband should be. (Ephesians 5:25)
5. A man will do well to take on the attitude of Christ as He did not come and demand respect as much as He came and earned it through sacrificial service. Matthew 20:28 says:
“Even as the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many.”
This is an interesting verse in that Christ, the One that could have come and demanded unconditional respect, took upon Himself the form of a servant and earned it by offering unconditional love.
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How about the man who doesn’t work to provide for his family, but insists on respects. A man that lays in bed for hours at a time on his phone while I work to pay the bills, keep the house clean, cook his meals, and tend to his young children for him when they’re here to see him. This same man will also spend hours reading through his bible or listening to messages delivered from God’s word. A good day is one where I display the fruits of the Spirit and give grace. When the issues are brought up I’m told I delivered the with selfishness, and days go by with the silent treatment, and somehow my words are twisted around so I’m apologizing to him in order to make amends between us and end the silent treatment. On a couple occasions he’s apologized for leaving the financial burdens on my shoulders, but nothing changes. Marriage counseling has been discussed, but as with many other things, never followed through on either because I’m not making enough to cover that and the bills, or because he’s uncomfortable talking to our church pastor, deacons or elders because it ope s the door to them knowing to much about him/us. I’m overwhelmed, frustrated, exhausted, under pressure, sometimes angry, and truly trying to just trust God through this.
Read the book “boundaries” by Cloud and Townsend. This sounds like a co dependent relationship and one that is not healthy. I have recently started learning how to recognize healthy boundaries. We are are called to be godly wives, not godly doormats. Enough is enough. We face the repercussions of our actions right? What if he had to “suffer” (not that this is our intent to see our spouse suffer) the consequence of his actions and the lack of them? I’m not saying this is easy but it is right when we truly have the right heart. Dependence on God in this time by removing yourself from the effects of his actions is not not not easy. The word of god says “a man who does not work, does not eat”. Guard your heart, pray without ceasing and get good godly counsel and support for yourself. Bless you sister.
Prayers for you, this is tough, silent treatment is a form of manipulation/control, I recommend boundaries as well but also look into leslie vernick. Be gentle and kind, PRAY and trust God’s lead on this.
How does a wife deal with a controlling, jealous, manipulative, and angry husband. We have been together 23 years and he has changed very little. I’ve told him he needs to change, and I do to, but I don’t know how much longer I’m willing to deal with him being out of control. He can’t control himself, so he tries to control everything and everybody.
Whereas with most situations we recommend using kindness, your husband may require strength rather than kindness.
In all actuality, you will be showing him kindness by showing him strength, but he may need to hear what you have already written. That is, you may need to draw what I call a line in the sand, yet without giving him an ultimatum. This usually requires a little coaching and much prayer, but it may be the direction in which you need to head.
I may just write a post about this in the coming week as it is a needful topic. I will notify you when I post it.
Thanks,
Dr. Force
http://www.Shop.HittingHomeMinistry.com