As a pastoral care counselor, I have worked with a good many of couples desiring new ways to work on communication in a relationship. Here is a major communication killer that I have noticed in almost every struggling marriage or relationship.
A Huge Communication Killer
When couples fight, they often resort to making statements like, “You do that all the time.”, “You say this every time.”, “This always happens.”, or “You never do that.”.
While there may be consistency to the negative behavior of your spouse, I usually find that these statements are not entirely true. This is problematic for two basic reasons:
The Scriptures Command us to Think and Talk in Truth
Couples that make such statements are usually walking contrary to Philippians 4:8 and Ephesians 4:15.
Philippians 4:8 and Ephesians 4:15 command us to speak and think on things that are one hundred percent truthful. Whereas there may be an element of truth to the statements listed above, it should be noted that ninety nine percent truth is still one hundred percent error.
I find that such words and phrases are extremely demoralizing for the spouse that is trying to better themselves.
Oftentimes, a struggling spouse will be on their best behavior for two or three days and then revert to a few old habits. If they are met with words such as, “You always do that.” or “I am so tired of you doing this all the time.”, they will feel very discouraged about the advances they previously made for the better.
Couples that are desiring to learn better ways to work on communication in a relationship will be wise to rid their talk of this one communication killer. They will find it much easier to converse and stay on topic when such demonstrative wording is not used.