Most wives in a troubled marriage are not so much unwilling, but tired. In fact, when counseling couples, I often make this distinction early in the process, and I find that it has a way of releasing the tired spouse from feeling condemnation. It also gives hope to the other where previously there was but little.
Many wives are tired emotionally and physically, and I find that tiredness has a way of shutting a woman down in every area. She will be edgy, discontent, frigid, and, seemingly, hard to please. Her husband will feel that she is unthankful and he inadequate, when in all actuality, she is simply tired.
A few months ago, I started to see that our paradigm had changed as a family. With the passing of our 12 year old daughter, Grace Evangeline, in 2016, and four children above the age of 18 starting to spread their wings, my wife was left with little help with our 3 very rambunctious sons that are 6, 3, and 1 year old.
I started to see that our paradigm had reversed in that we were back to two parents basically having to share the love in raising very small children. It was as if the clock had reset to 15 years before that time, but our responsibilities had increased. We were still emotionally parenting older children and I was a pastor, business owner of two thriving businesses, and an athletic director and coach of a basketball program that plays 100 games per season between all the age levels.
Something had to change as the messages were coming through by the lack of energy my wife was emitting as well as her diminished strength to handle problems as she previously did.
Consequently, I resigned as the head basketball coach of a very good team that went 34-6 the year before. I adjusted my work schedule so that I was more available, especially in the mornings. I stopped studying on Sunday mornings for sermons and made myself available so that Sunday was not just a stressed-filled work day for my wife.
Honestly, whatever it took, I was going to do it, because our marriage is the axle to which every other spoke in our life is connected.
A Personal Challenge to Men
It is at this point that I would like to challenge a few of the men in our audience. To be honest, many of you have wives that are still willing, but they are just tired. And, to be utterly frank, it pains me in a counseling session when I see men unwilling to do whatever it takes to ensure that their wives are not emotionally and physically exhausted.
There are three things dear to me that I have tried to protect in my life regardless of the financial repercussion: 1. My relationship with God 2. My relationship with my wife 3. My relationship with my children.
If the three things mentioned above are not in tact, then I do not function well, and, in my mind, what does it profit to gain the whole world but lose my own family.
Whatever the sacrifice, you may see that sacrificing to keep your relationship with God and your family in tact is really not a sacrifice as much as a gain, if not, the only gain worth relishing.
For Individual or Group Study
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