The Tragedy of Poor Communication in a Marriage


The tragedy of couples having poor communication in a marriage is namely this:


What husbands and wives fail to communicate in a healthy, non-toxic way will be communicated in a way that makes both of them appear as if they are the other’s enemy.

poor communication in a marriage

Every Couple Communicates


Every couple communicates, however, few seem to communicate well. In other words, I often say that what you fail to say in a non-toxic way will be said in a way that accomplishes very little in a marriage.

Couples that will not say what they are thinking and feeling in a non-emotionally charged setting will typically end up expressing their frustrations in one or more of the following ways:



Clamming up

Sarcastic statements

Giving the cold shoulder

Withholding sex

Giving the silent treatment

Blowing up about peripheral issues

Withdrawing into a shell

Putting up walls


Portraying a closed spirit


More Work Now Means Less Work Later


Couples that struggle to communicate well are often lazy when dealing with issues. That is, rather than take the time to lovingly confront a matter or put everything on the table, they will often stuff down their feelings and continue as if nothing happened. The only problem is that what takes less work now usually means more work later.

Couples that calmly deal with issues before they get messy find that they have to exert less strength and emotional effort to solve issues. Couples that wait until they have lost their temper or a problem has been blown way out of proportion have to exhibit much more energy in order to solve their issues.


Proverbs 17:14


Proverbs 17:14 says:


“The beginning of strife is as when one letteth out water: therefore leave off contention, before it be meddled with.”


The interpretation is obvious. The Bible is telling us to deal with contention swiftly instead of waiting for a situation to get out of hand.


The Heart of the Matter


I once heard someone say that the heart of every matter is the heart. And, it should be noted that when a spouse is angry, short, rude, or contentious, they are often communicating something else. It is important to look to the heart of the matter and retrace a few steps. It could be that though they are coming across like your enemy, the real issue is that they are upset because they do not feel like your friend.


Ordering Our Marriage Book


For ordering information about our marriage book, How to Fight for Your Marriage Without Fighting With One Another, be sure to visit our online store. Our marriage book is available in paperback or Kindle format.

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Posted in Communication in Marriage

3 comments on “The Tragedy of Poor Communication in a Marriage
  1. Dustin says:

    But what if the other spouse has no voice,nothing he or she says is good enough,and are just ignored? What if they are always put on the back burner and made to feel below the other? This to could cause all of the above.

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