Living Together Before Marriage is Not Just Bad, but Bad for You, Hebrews 13:4


Why Living Together is Not Just Bad, but Bad for You


It seems that mankind has always thought he needs to learn what is good for him by trial and error. The tragedy of it all is that God gave us a manual so that we do not have to learn by experience, but rather by His Word.

In regards to marriage and relationships, we must understand that living together is not simply bad, but bad for us.

living together before marriage is not just bad but bad for you

Holiness is Happiness


Many seem to view the Christian life as something that a person lives once all of their worldly fun is over. Or, some seem to indicate that they view holiness as something that one pursues because it is simply the right thing to do rather than a life that is far superior to a sinful lifestyle. I cannot disagree more as I find that true holiness is the only way to true and long lasting happiness.

I often say that the devil offers what feels like a mountain-top experience, yet it ends in a downhill slide. What God offers may appear like a valley-like experience, yet it ends in a sustainable, long lasting time of peace and joy.

Holy living is not something you do after you have had all of your fun in life. Holy living is what you do to have true joy and fun.

Proverbs 13:15 tells us that “the way of transgressors is hard”. And, I would have to say that I have never met anyone that has served Jesus and been sorry for it. However, I cannot even begin to tell you the amount of people that I have met that have been sorry for walking contrary to the ways of God.


Bad Advertisement


I believe that without God’s blessings and the security fence of the marriage vows, living together is simply bad advertisement for a marriage. Here’s why:


1. Without the authority of the marriage vows, your expectations of how the other should love you are based merely on feelings rather than solid principles. That is too shifty of a standard for a relationship to work.

If couples are going to make it, they need hard and fast principles to live by. These are all contained in the traditional marriage vows and Biblical commands concerning marriage. Any other approach will cause their relationship to be up one day and down the next as their treatment of one another will only be based upon personal bias and ever changing feelings.


2. A marriage only works if God is that the very center. However, if a couple lives together before marriage, they cannot expect that God will be in the midst of a relationship that He does not condone. (Hebrews 13:4)


3. Colossians describes the love that only God can give in a relationship to be the “bond of perfectness”. In other words, the love that is inspired and powered by the Holy Spirit is a perfect love with no room for improvement. In fact, this is the only kind of love that makes a great marriage possible.

When couples are living contrary to God’s Word, they should never expect to be able to enjoy this type of love as God’s Word does not condone living together.

I realize that we live in a day when many claim the promises of prayer yet they fail to walk in His Word. However, any person or couple should never expect God’s blessings in such a case. Take a look at the following verses that validate this point:


I John 3:22 – “And whatsoever we ask, we receive of him, because we keep his commandments, and do those things that are pleasing in his sight.”


Proverbs 28:9 – “He that turneth away his ear from hearing the law, even his prayer shall be abomination.


The Facts are the Facts


According to the US Attorney Legal Services, couples that do not live together before marriage have a 20% chance of divorce within a five year period. Couples that live together have about a 49% chance.


The Woman is Always the Biggest Loser


From a financial perspective, I will never understand why women will give their bodies and their years to a relationship with absolutely nothing to show for it from a fiscal perspective. I call this allowing the man to drink the milk without buying the milk truck.

Marriage should be hard to get out of as it keeps people on their toes and accountable for their actions. There should also be financial repercussions to a man walking out of a marriage relationship. However, if a woman simply lives with a man, he is allowed to take some of the best years of her life without any fiscal consequences whatsoever if he decides to leave.

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Posted in Pre Marriage / Premarital Advice

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