How to Have a Discussion, Argue, Children, Ephesians 4:26

Guidelines for How to Have a Discussion with Your Spouse

Even the vilest of enemies have learned to have a certain amount of respect for the rules of war. That being the case, couples in need should learn to follow a set of guidelines when learning how to have a discussion with one another.

These two rules are part of a set of rules and guidelines that we teach when dealing with couples in need. They concern children and those late night free for alls that couples often have.

Do Not Argue Around the Children

One of the greatest assets parents have when it comes to providing a healthy environment for their children is unity and joy in the marriage. If these do not exist, the hearts and minds of their children are exposed to what I call the elements of pain and heartache long before they have the capacity to handle such emotions. In my view, this is what some might call a trump card in why parents should progress in the area of how to have a discussion in a healthy manner.

Unity and joy between a husband and a wife serve as a bridge upon which their children safely walk. When this bridge is collapsing, fear, anguish, and insecurity will fill their hearts, and, unfortunately, negative repercussions always follow.

You may have moments where you and your spouse disagree, but, for the most part, your children need to see a united front. Take your conversations to another room, or schedule them at a different time.

Do not Argue Late into the Night

Late at night, people feel deeper and say things out of character. Hence, I find that engaging in serious discussion after 10:30 pm is disastrous for many couples.

In response to this plank, some have asked me about the verse in Ephesians 4:26 that says, “. . . let not the sun go down upon your wrath:”. My answer to this is quite simple: if you are having to break five other commands to keep this one command, then maybe you should give up on the fight and go to bed.

Have you ever found yourself extremely concerned about a matter until the wee hours of the morning only to wake up the next day with but few worries on your mind? Early in marriage, this was commonplace for me, and one of the greatest lessons that I grasped in how to have a discussion was that a good night sleep is therapeutic to the soul.

As a pastor, I sometimes receive calls from people late into the night that are in the middle of a marital altercation. I often give them extremely simple advice: Go to bed and see if you even care about the issue in the morning. I rarely hear from those couples the next day as sleep has a way of shining a light on what can appear very dark and gruesome in the night.