To fix your marriage, you sometimes have to appear to lose before winning. The Bible has a word for this. It is called meekness.
Must I be Henpecked to Fix My Marriage?
Some men may feel that I am encouraging them to be what some would deem to be hen-pecked in order to fix their marriage. Nothing could be further from the truth. I am not purporting that men be push-overs as much as I am encouraging them to exercise what the Bible terms to be meekness.
Many have attempted to define meekness. I define it as such:
Meekness is appearing to lose the battle knowing that eventually you will win the war.
Is this not why Christ was silent before Pilate in Matthew 27:11-14? As He stood before His accusers, there was no need to defend Himself. The power of God and the His resurrection from the dead would come to His defense in just a few short days.
Be Like Christ
Many spouses would do well to take on the attitude of Christ and realize that meekness is not giving up the fight. It is learning to fight in a more effective way. It is appearing to take an immediate loss while laying hold of long term gains through faith and Biblical conduct.
Husbands and wives should understand that love, kindness, and especially patience pave the way for effective communication at a later time. They have a way of building up what I call a bank account of credibility and trust that will allow them to make the appropriate withdrawals at an appointed time in the future.
Unconditional Love, the Strongest Weapon Known to Man
Some men may feel that unconditional love makes them to appear weak, but that is a type of mirage for they are actually using the strongest weapon known to man.
Solomon said, “Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it: if a man would give all the substance of his house for love, it would utterly be contemned.” (Song of Solomon 8:7). In the verse before this, he also said that “love is strong as death” (Song of Solomon 8:6).
From Solomon’s song, we can gather that unconditional love is the strongest weapon that you can use to fix your marriage. Though you may appear weak in that you may have to lose a few arguments and appear to be in the wrong, your willingness to love will only help to right a relationship previously wronged by selfish behavior.
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I love your article and agree with it. Wondering if you could give me some advice. My husband and I have a roller coaster marriage. One day we are madly in love and the next we are fighting and close to divorce. It’s crazy. He gets mad and says really awful things to me. I used to fight back and say horrible things to him. Which lead to worse fighting. I’ve learned to keep my mouth shut when he is angry and sometimes he will stop and things will get better sooner. He verbally abuses me. He says mean things about my body, how stupid I am, how I don’t have any friends, what a terrible wife I am. The list goes on. He pushes me and screams and throws things too. He’s broken my phone three times. Once I got so mad I jumped on his back and knocked him down to the ground. Since I did that he says I abuse him too. Even though I was reacting to his abide. I know it was wrong but I tell him I’m not perfect. I can only take so much. We have two babies and my son from a previous marriage. He has pushed me in front of our babies and screams at me in front of them too. I want our marriage to work because it is so good when it’s good. Nobody that knows us would ever think this is happening. Please help.
I love your definition for meekness. Great insight. Thanks! ~James
Thank you!! Always nice to hear a few encouraging words.