Feelings for Another Person Outside of the Marriage
Having feelings for another person other than your spouse is definitely out of bounds according to the scriptures. Here are some helpful thoughts on the matter:
I Corinthians 13:6 shows us that charity or true love rejoices “not in iniquity, but . . . in the truth;”. Simply put, true love is never something that is associated with that which is iniquitous or sinful in nature. Therefore, if a person says that they feel they love someone other than their spouse, those feelings cannot be based in real love. They are based in a pseudo love based upon self interest.
Loving Your Feelings
When someone has feelings for someone other than their spouse, it should be understood that they are not in love with the other person as much as they are their own feelings. This is because true love only wants that which is holy and right according to I Corinthians 13:6.
Pseudo love wants something that is outside of God’s plan, but true love wants others as well as themselves to be holy and pure in the sight of God.
Proverbs 5:15-20 deals with the subject of monogamy in a marriage. This passage, however, deals with more than physical monogamy. It also deals with emotional monogamy.
Proverbs 5:15-18 states:
“Drink waters out of thine own cistern, and running waters out of thine own well. Let thy fountains be dispersed abroad, and rivers of waters in the streets. Let them be only thine own, and not strangers’ with thee. Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth.”
If you will notice the passage, it says that, figuratively speaking, we are to drink of the well of our own marriage. That is, as far as male-female relationships are concerned, we are to derive our emotional, mental, and physical satisfaction only from our own particular marriage.
Feelings are Controllable
Feelings for another person are controllable in this way:
1. If you are having feelings for another person besides your spouse, avoid contact with that person or needless conversations.
2. Turn your attention toward your spouse.
Light and darkness cannot preside in the same place. Therefore, I would recommend that you turn your attention to serving your spouse and dwelling on the good aspects of your relationship with them. This light will surely help to drive out the darkness of adulterous thoughts and feelings.
3. Do not feed the feelings.
Many spouses that have feelings for another person tend to error by feeding that fire with further thoughts, little conversations, flirtatious behavior, and acts of kindness toward the other person. I would highly recommend that you cease this type of behavior as it will only lead down a path of destruction.
A Biblical Warning
Some scriptures speak for themselves, whereas, others may require a little more explanation. This verse concerning infidelity or an affair speaks for itself:
“But whoso committeth adultery with a woman lacketh understanding: he that doeth it destroyeth his own soul. (Proverbs 6:32)