I Don’t Feel Love Anymore for My Husband / Wife
“I just don’t feel love anymore for my spouse.”
“I don’t have love in my heart toward my spouse.”
“I don’t think there is any more love between my spouse and myself.”
The above mentioned statements are, by far, the most common statements that I hear from couples. However, just because you are not able to feel love, does not mean that it does not exist.
I do not feel cell phone waves bombarding my body, however, they are certainly real. When I take hold of a power chord, I may not feel the electricity that is flowing through the wire, but it certainly exists.
You Can Love Your Spouse Anytime
In like manner, many husbands and wives think that because they do not feel love, then the potential for love is not in their heart. In my opinion, this is a big mistake. In fact, when we understand that love is sacrificially giving to our spouse, then we can love our husband or wife whether we feel like it or not.
Imagine a train car on a train track that is attached to nothing. Let us go a little further and label that train car “feelings”.
How do you go about getting that train car moving? Obviously, you’re going to have to attach it to an engine. If not, you will probably be waiting a long time before it starts to move. Likewise, if you want to get your feelings moving as far as your marriage is concerned, you had better get them attached to an engine called action. If not, you will be waiting a long time before you start to feel love toward your spouse.
When you were a little younger or newly married, you could go on feelings alone. Everything was new, and you were both very curious.
Furthermore, you had not yet seen the good, bad, and the ugly of life, marriage, and one another. Now, you must have a different approach in that your feelings are going to have to be based on your actions (I John 3:18). If not, you are just an engineer waiting for a train car called “feelings” to start moving without an engine. Once again, you can wait, but you will probably be waiting a long time until someone gives up and throws in the marriage towel.
To learn the proper actions to take to get your feelings in motion, check out our Audio Series or Christian book on marriage called How to Fight for Your Marriage Without Fighting with One Another.
How does one go about taking action though? It would seem fake, insincere. Counseling like this makes it seem so easy….just do it. But how, if it’s not there. I love my kids, it’s easy to show them affection and serve them. It’s not there for my spouse. Without going into much detail- I’ve never felt it, I was very vulnerable and pressured into marrying. I’ve begged God for the last 18 years to change me, my heart, etc towards my spouse. I know he loves me, almost too much…he’s so hypersensitive, which is an absolute turn off to me. Anyway- prayers and advice are appreciated.