Communication in marriage is unbelievably important. In fact, what most couples should be communicating in the context of adultlike conversation, they are often relating in the context of a childlike spat. Many couples assume rather than ask. They suppress until they have to express, and, when they finally get around to venting their feelings, it is only after the relationship has suffered even more damage.
So, although I am all about communication in marriage, there does come a time when couples can talk their situation to death. Many couples make the mistake of thinking that all of their problems can be sorted out in the context of deep conversation. At times, couples must realize that instead of talking out their problems they must, instead, live them out.
The Bridge of Trust
Many husbands and wives struggle because the bridge of trust between their hearts is very shaky. Though many husbands and wives want to walk on this bridge, it must be understood that mere words and affirmations will do little to strengthen that bridge. In order to increase their faith in each other and the marriage, they must make the appropriate changes in their lives over a long period of time.
Once again, I’m all about communication in marriage, but, at times, it can be a little overrated in that some spouses need to start changing their actions in order to ease the tension in their marriage.
Those Late Night Talks
As a young husband, I would often keep my wife up until late into the night talking, asking questions, and belaboring certain issues over and over again. These long and laborious conversations seldom ended on a successful note. Often, they did more to discourage my wife rather than to encourage her to have more faith in our relationship. Marital success did not start to occur until I realized that although my wife wanted to walk securely on the bridge of our marriage; she would not feel safe enough doing that until she saw the appropriate changes in my behavior.
At times, I would try to woo my wife to walk on that bridge by using anger, scripture, logic, and reason. I soon found that the only thing that worked was unconditional love and kindness over long periods of time.
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My husband and I have been married 7 years. Altho he knows god exists and of his words, or wants to attend church to be seen..at home he has been bound by alcoholism. He has a difficult time being a family with me and still feels like he is abandoning his mother or sister. He has a difficult time understanding my motherly role to continue to set stepping stones for my 20 year old son even tho he is now currently living with his mother. His words cut deep and he can’t even recognize this as a lifelong trait intend everything is my fault. No matter how much good I do he picks my faults daily. I pray for him I still stand behind and support or caretake but he only has time for me as he sleeps Becuz he busy himself with work or when his daughter is around he cuts me out of his day. He wants a divorce now that he’s been sober for 3 months and feels unhappy – I can’t make him happy he says..all my love n support or sleepless nights while he was drunk n sick, or the ways I stood by him when legalities came after him or the waiting ,cleaning , ect was not enough? Don’t I deserve to know what it is like to be married to a sober man after all my faithfulness?