The Strongest Connection Points for Couples


Colossians 3:13-19 is a great passage of scripture dealing with marriage as well as other areas. Though I have written about verses 18 and 19 in other articles, I would like to convey an all-important lesson from verse 14 as it relates to marriage.

Just in case you are unfamiliar with this passage of scripture, here is how Colossians 3:13-19 reads:


“Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness.

And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.

And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him.

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.”


A Valuable Lesson


In Colossians 3:14, Paul said, “And above all these things put on charity [love], which is the bond of perfectness.” This is applicable to marriage in that God is showing us that the love that God supplies via the Holy Spirit provides the most perfect bond or connection point known to man. This is why Paul uses the phrase “bond of perfectness“.


Cohesion or Adhesion


I am a former painter. When paint does not stick to a surface because of a lack of prep, the right paint, or primer, it will only cover a surface instead of sticking to it. When paint will not stick to a surface, one only has what is called cohesion. When paint sticks to a surface, you have what is called adhesion. The latter is always the goal for a painter as it is the only way to keep the paint from eventually cracking and flaking.

Couples may live together, do life together, work together, and play together, but if they fail to bond correctly, they will simply have a surface relationship. God’s Word, however, tells us that the answer to this need is not just finding common points of interest and fanning the flame of romance. According to Colossians 3, the Holy Spirit provides the strongest connecting point known to man. This is why Paul referred to Holy Spirit love as the “bond of perfectness”. In other words, there is no greater bond for couples to enjoy outside of Holy Spirit inspired and powered love.


Been there Done That


If you already feel that you and your spouse are walking in the Spirit yet fail to connect, then I have something rather emphatic to say: Barring any psychological issues or chemical imbalances, either one of you or both of you are not walking in the Spirit. In other articles we show that I John 1:7 and Ephesians 4:1-9 teach this principle.

Some couples seem to think that they are filled with the Holy Spirit because they are active in church, filled with a rote knowledge of the Bible, moral, or display outward conformity to a set of religious rules and standards. However, all of these can be a poor substitute for the sap of the Holy Spirit flowing from the vine and through the branches in order to produce the fruit of love, joy, and temperance in our lives. (John 15:1-7)


What to Do


If you feel that either one of you or both of you are lacking in the above mentioned walk, then I would recommend the following:


1. Read the Bible.


I John 5:6 tells us that the “Spirit is truth“. John 6:63 teaches that Jesus’ words are “spirit, and they are life“. Therefore, if you want the Spirit of God’s love in your marriage, you must first be filled with His Word.


2. Read outside of your era


Many of us are deceived if we think that all there is to know about Christianity is what we hear today. This is why I read after many authors that lived hundreds of years ago. They had an understanding of the Christ-life that I feel we miss in our present day.

Authors such as Andrew Murray, Charles Spurgeon, Matthew Henry, AW Tozer, John Bunyan, and Oswald Chambers are all worthy authors of our time.


3. Ask, Seek, and Knock like You Never Have Before


Some couples seem to have to run a thousand marathons in order to solve their marriage issues. But, I say that the prize of a great marriage is worth the effort, especially when children are involved.


4. A Lack of Understanding May be Plugging Up the Flow of the Spirit in Your Life


Once again, Jesus’ words are “spirit and they are life“. Therefore, I believe that it is possible for unbiblical or wrong thinking to dam up the flow of love and grace in our hearts. Therefore, in all your getting, be sure to get understanding. (Proverbs 4:7)

This is why I thoroughly enjoy chapters 4 and 5 of our marriage book, How to Fight for Your Marriage Without Fighting with One Another. It seems that upon hearing these teachings, many say, “That really makes sense.” or “I never thought of that before.” This is always our goal at Hitting Home as we believe that wrong thinking and bad beliefs can greatly hinder the power of the Holy Spirit in people’s lives.


Closing Prayer


Lord help all that read this move closer and closer to a genuine walk with You!

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