I am finding an increasing amount of men that are just plain mad. They are mad about their marriage, the treatment they receive from their wives, and what they view to be an uneven playing field when it comes to marriage.
Below are few reasons why I believe this to be occurring.
Some Men Have Fallen Into A Pit of Their Own Making
Mankind in general is prone to sabotaging his own own success and then loathing the negative repercussions that follow. Here are a few verses from Proverbs that undergird this thought:
Proverbs 26:27 – “Whoso diggeth a pit shall fall therein: and he that rolleth a stone, it will return upon him.”
Proverbs 11:17 – “The merciful man doeth good to his own soul: but he that is cruel troubleth his own flesh.”
From my experience of dealing with men, many a man has dug a pit of anger, bitterness, and laziness only to end up falling in himself. He often does this by:
Failing To Lead His Family Toward The Light
If a man is not leading his family toward the Light, darkness will prevail in his marriage. It is that simple. Though his accusations will be hurled at the disrespect he is receiving from his family, many times, the darkness of disrespect is only present as a result of his leadership away from the Light of God’s Word.
Being Loose With His Words
A man’s words are like a boomerang. What he gives out will always find a way of coming back to him.
Failing To Protect The 3 Parts Of His Household
Marriage is more than a paycheck. A husband should be looking out for the physical, emotional, and spiritual needs of his family. If he is not loving his family in these three areas, negative repercussions will follow, and his temptation will be to get mad at the trouble that his lack of care in all three of these areas has caused. We deal with this in chapter 8 of our marriage book, How to Fight for Your Marriage Without Fighting With One Another.
Some Men Are Still Carrying An Emotional Debt of Sorts
Many wives are still paying off the emotional debts that wayward fathers and bitter mothers charged to their spouse. However, it should be noted that this is why we teach that a happy marriage is comprised of happy spouses. That is, I like to say that my wife and I do not have a great marriage because we have one another, we have a great marriage because we are filled with God’s love and joy before we even see one another.
We often say that people have a God-shaped vacuum, but they also have what I call a Dad-shaped vacuum. That is, many men go through life trying to get out of others what they never received from their dads and moms. Thankfully, God is a father to the fatherless (Psalm 68:5), and only He can succeed where our earthly parents failed.
A wife cannot fix what others have broke. Only God is able to do that. Although her love can help to display what I call God’s love with skin on it, ultimately, God has to do the fixing.
Some Men are Dealing with Relational Injustices
Many men complain to me that they feel there is an unequal playing field when it comes to marriage. Some even feel that an unbalanced emphasis on Ephesians 5:25 without mentioning Ephesians 5:24 is almost empowering women to withhold their love and affection toward their husbands.
I deal with this aspect in our marriage book, How to Fight for Your Marriage Without Fighting with One Another, as I wrote:
“Throughout time, women have been tempted to withhold their love and affection toward their husbands because they fail to measure up to their expectations. A woman that has given in to this temptation must realize that when she holds back from loving her husband because he doesn’t meet her standards, she is simply holding her love as a ransom until he comes up with the appropriate payment. This is actually a form of manipulation.”
For Individual Study Or Use As A Couples Devotional
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How can a wife submit (totally) to a man that has verbally abused her over and over again? Because woman love with their hearts, it is so hard to be intimate with a man that has labeled you everything BUT a child of God!
I have been called things by the man that made a vow to love me that I deem to be more offensive than most of the rap songs out these days!
It is NOT “Relational Injustice” however, it is being true to yourself!
I am not perfect, but I have sure been faithful! And trying to live right, I made a vow that whatever I do would be in good faith with a clear conscious! My conscious is not clear, when submitting without care.
AMEN Hallelujah thank you for your comment. I’m going through the same. Love and and blessings to y’all
I would say that it would be similar to being married to an unbeliever. You continue doing what you should do with the goal of winning him over to repentance. It is just as hard for a man to love a rebellious woman who henpecks him.
Neither party is afforded conditions to their command. It isn’t a do only if they do this.
I’m in a similar state of mind. I’ve forgiven my husband for cheating but he kept doing it. He is still emotionally and verbally abusive (it used to be physical too). i can not bring myself to be intimate with him after he says and does the things he has been doing. I’m just want to be loved and appreciated and treated with respect. I’ve given in to his demands for several years now and he’s still the same. I feel like if i give in anymore, then i’m giving him permission to treat me like that. Then he feels that its okay to treat me horribly and he’ll still get what he wants. I don’t feel like god would want me to submit to such a cruel, destructive person.
I think one thing needs to be made clear: you should not stay with an abusive man! Sometimes the church enables this. This is not ok. If he is abusive to you, even emotionally, leave. Tell him to come find you when he’s got himself together, has gotten actually therapy from a licensed psychologist, and can say he has worked through his problems and can speak to you with love and respect. Men of the church, do not enable men to abuse women. Do not tell her to be respectful or not withhold her love. Abuse means run.
Amen Tina,
Thanks for the comment. I am going through the same! Love to you with many blessings!!
Do believe a wife should stay with an abusive husband
My situation is the opposite. My husband is with holding his body from me because he is angry with me due to him being lost in darkness and I’m standing on GOD’S WORD. I’m fighting for my marriage alone. I battle with several spirits mainly manipulation and control from my mate. I seek God in all I do. But when you have a bitter husband and you aren’t on the same page spiritually this is the outcome.. LIVING IN DARKNESS. Division, unforgivness, anger, bitterness etc. all was there prior to our marriage actually it stems from childhood to his 1st marriage. Me aS his current wife is reaping the residue from it all. Finances, love, affection everything is just gone. HE CUT ME OFF NO CONVERSATION OR PLAN. HE LEFT AND BEEN GONE FOR 1YEAR. It’s to the point my mate is not speaking to my kids from 1 incident that could’ve been avoid if the mindset and alcohol wasn’t apart of the equation with him. So now it’s been 5mths no intimacy. To me that’s the last straw for the MARRIAGE. When do you say ok I can’t be in this pit of unforgivness, bitterness, anger, pride, hatred, etc. any longer…. this is what you call the PIT OF DARKNESS..
TIME TO DEATTACH..
UNEQUALLY YOKED
I can sympathize. We will have been married for 13 years and out of those 13 8 have been without physical intimacy. I have done stretches of 2 years, 2 years, and 2 1/2 years. It is a once every 2-3 months thing now.
5 months? Try over two years. Actually only 3 or 4 times in 6 or 7 years. I get the silent treatment, which I have come to enjoy. Slamming doors over whatever he has made up in his head at that moment. Petty childish head games that I’ve learned to expect and, for the most part, ignore. My husband is nothing more than a paycheck because that is what he has chosen. My laughter, peace and love (not physical, I have remained faithful as far as that goes) come from others. It is a hell that I refuse to lie down and die in. Him and his mental health issues have ruined my kids. Be careful who you marry. Some people can pretend for a long time that they are not who they pretend to be. Oh, by the way, no sex on my wedding night either. Game changed the second we said ‘I do’.
I Cor 7:15-16
Absolutely not. That is a spiritual battle and not of God. God cares more about people than an institution of marriage. Staying with an abuser is a spiritual death of the oneness between two people..God does not expect anyone to live with an abuser bc that is not of Him but the enemy.
Thank you for sharing ive dealt with that for 10 years and told myself would God be mad at me for not wanting to stay in this marriage because so many times I could of lost my life…I believe that God understand you I needed and wanted out..but I needed a closer to this I haven’t been with him for going on 6 years and only now going through a divorce…I know god understands and is quick to forgive but my question is?…is he mad at me for leaving
No! He’s not mad at you for leaving. He’s mad at your ex for hurting his precious daughter. His behavior is inexcusable. You are a precious gift to the world, and anyone who treats you otherwise is not following God.
My belief is that divorce is not something that God wants in any case. Marriage being described as two flesh joining and becoming one. It isn’t something meant to be split apart.
It is unfortunately a scenario that has existed throughout history even though it should not have. Women were seen as property during this time with no rights.
Absolutely not. God is Love, the enemy is abusive and neglectful. Also that same spirit/manner is taught to the children if the have them. They either learn to become abusive or allow someone to abuse them. Not healthy nor the will of God!
What?!?!? Absolutely not!