The average couple that comes to me for marriage help knows more counseling terms than I do. As they describe their plight, they often relate their abandonment issues, the narcissistic tendencies of their spouse, and their list of diagnoses from other counselors.
My training is not in the area of psychology or therapy. I am a pastoral care counselor that helps people in the areas of the heart rather than the mind. Diagnosing mental illnesses is above my pay grade as well as out of the area of my expertise. Therefore, I simply focus on the matter that should always be addressed first, the matter of the heart (Proverbs 4:23).
The Need for Over-Simplification
I am a firm believer that major truth is always simple. I also believe that, at times, it almost takes a higher level of learning to really confuse a matter. The scriptures bear this out in that it refers to some that in professing themselves to be wise actually move toward the area of foolishness (Romans 1:22).
With regards to marriage and relationships, it seems to me that we have a vast amount of teachings in the secular as well as the Christian counseling world on why people struggle. However, if I have heard it once, I have heard this a thousand times, “Thank you for giving me simple, practical, yet Biblical advice on how to better solve this issue.”
I believe that the answers to what many view as complex issues are often (not always) very simple. In fact, our 2-step process to solving marriage issues oversimplifies what couples should do on purpose.
There is a reason why our marriage book is only 171 pages long. I feel that, in many instances, couples have a need for someone to show them that their inability to love each other is often due to two or three primary issues. These issues include, but are not limited to, the following:
An inability to walk in God’s Spirit
As you can see in many of our other articles, I do not believe that couples have marriage problems as much as they have spiritual problems. This is because if both will walk in the Spirit, they will get along with one another because the Holy Spirit will always get along with Himself.
A misunderstanding of how to really reach their spouse when they are offended
We deal with this in chapter four of our marriage book which is entitled The Top Mistake Couples Make in a Fight. In fact, I am finding this to be our most powerful teaching.
A lack of knowledge of how to bring about true and viable change in their spouse
This is also one of our main topics in our book and audio material as most couples have great motives, just lousy methodology when it comes to creating an atmosphere where change has the best possible chance of taking place.
Check it Out
Check out our new marriage book called How to Fight for Your Marriage Without Fighting with One Another by going to our resource page. Also, for the non-reader in your home, be sure to also check out our Audio Series on marriage which is available in CD or MP3 format.