There is no fool-proof approach to forgiving your spouse. That is, to move forward in any relationship, risk is always going to be a factor.
Many seem to have the notion that once they feel 100% safe that they will take the risk necessary to open their hearts once again. The problem is that the only way to really increase our faith in God and one another is to do some things that scare us half to death.
Life is a Contradiction
I know this may sound a little contradictory, but that is life. Life is one major contradiction after another that comes together into one beautiful story if we have the faith and vision to see things from God’s perspective. (Romans 8:28-29)
As a family unit, we are having to trust Christ like never before as a result of what appears to be a major contradiction. Having lost one of our children this last year, we are forced to trust in a way that moves contrary to our natural emotions.
It is a contradiction to us that such a beautiful girl that honored her parents would part from us so soon. But, it is never a contradiction to trust Christ even during the darkest of times. In fact, if I were to deny Him and all His goodness, I would be believing a lie for not even He can deny Himself and who He is (II Timothy 2:13). If God cannot deny Himself, then how could I. I would be the loser and the one in error.
Of course, it is true that life’s circumstances seem to often contradict the promises of God, but welcome to life. In fact, I believe it is why it is called faith. If we could always see nothing but goodness, where would we have the opportunity to show that we truly believe.
Risking Our Hearts
At this time, we are having to take the risk of enjoying life even though we are gun-shy of what may be on the horizon. Though our feelings say hold tight to our feelings of doubt, fear, and discouragement, we are choosing to take the risk in spite of how we feel.
Some say you’re a good Christian. I view it a little differently. I am not a good Christian as much as I am just a Christian.
That 100% Guarantee
In regards to marriage, many seem to be waiting to feel 100% safe before taking the risk to move forward with their spouse.
To be blunt, if my wife and I waited for that feeling, we would be in a holding pattern for the rest of our lives. Once again, our feelings are currently at the opposite end of the see-saw as our faith. However, we are choosing to cause our feelings to follow our faith rather than the other way around.
A Little Exercise
In chapter 9 of our marriage book, we ask spouses to consider what they would be doing today if they felt love and forgiveness for their spouse? Then, we encourage them to act according to how they answered the question.
Honestly, this is the only way some are going to find the strength to move forward. For if they wait for that feeling of 100% safety before moving ahead, they may never find what probably never existed in the first place.
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