If You Could Say Just One Thing To A Newlywed Couple


Last week, we were coming back from ministering at a family conference in Wisconsin and I met a young man that was soon to be married. In fact, he was a young Christian man that is about three weeks away from marriage.

After the meal, I asked him a few questions, and I began to tell him about Hitting Home as well as our marriage book. He kindly gave me his address as I wanted to send him a book.

Upon arriving home, I thought to myself, “What could I write in the front cover in one sentence that would greatly help him in his new marriage?” Here is what I wrote:


The Spirit of God in you will always have a perfect unity with the Spirit of God in your wife.


Let me tell you why I believe this may be the best advice we could give newlyweds:


1.  The Spirit of God will always get along with Himself.


This is why in Ephesians 4 when Paul talks about unity he also emphasizes that God is One. This is because if God is one and two people are filled with Him, then they should also be able to come together as one.


2.  God is not divided.


3.  God is love.


One of the things that I mention when I speak at a marriage conference is that the things we encourage couples to do are not hard, but actually impossible without the Holy Spirit. Honestly, we can only love in a God-like way through the power of the Holy Spirit. That is, we need the sap of the Holy Spirit to flow from the Vine and through the branches in order to bear the fruit that our marriages desperately need. (John 15-1-7)


4.  The advice accentuates a couple’s need to walk in the Spirit.


I have seen church-goers, avid readers, therapists, pastors, and idealists with a bad marriage. But, from my experience, I have never seen two truly spiritually healthy people with an unhealthy relationship with one another. This is why I say in chapter 2 of our marriage book that most struggling couples do not have marriage problems as much as spiritual problems.


5.  This simplifies the matter.


When couples are having issues they will often start by performing web searches, buying books, and sharing their story with whomever will listen. It is not too long before they will start to feel overwhelmed to say the least.

Probably one of the greatest compliments we receive is how simple and straightforward our advice is. In fact, here is one of our latest reviews from Amazon:


“Dr. Force wrote as though he had been talking to me!! Out of my head, he opened the door of issues my husband and I have been dealing with even after 36 yrs of marriage! If I had had the answers he gave all my questions before, I would have written this book! But now, I have found personal peace and determination to fight FOR my marriage not WITH my husband! His Biblical instructions are simple, yet challenging and address the heart of all marriages. Definitely a book I will share time and again!”


I believe all major truth is simple. In fact, unless someone is splitting an atom or performing neuro-surgery, whenever I hear someone complicating matters, I tend to feel the advice is off-based in some form or fashion.

The simple truth of the matter is that we all desperately need to seek God as we never have before and truly learn to walk in the Spirit. As this transpires, I believe the peace we find with God will be proportionate to the peace we find with one another. (James 4:1-2)

Food for thought . . . Dr. Force

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