I admit. I am a command man.
There are very few things that I am a part of where I am not in charge or, very soon, asked to help in a big way.
If there are 30 people in a room, I have noticed that I have a way of helping to determine the topic of conversation or the mood of the room. If there is a problem around me, I am typically part of the number that are actively looking for a solution. If I see injustices, I’m one of the first to speak up.
That said, some of y’all out there are killing me that are cut out of the same mold.
You too are command men. You are gritty, hard working, and you like to be the man in any situation, especially marriage.
The problem I see, however, is that many of you seem to want to be the man in the marriage, but you are unwilling to follow Christ’s order of endearing respect from His bride, the church.
Philippians 2 tells us plainly that Christ’s role as a servant led to His eternal exaltation by the Father. In this chapter, Paul stated:
“But [Christ] made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men: And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross. Wherefore God also hath highly exalted him, and given him a name which is above every name:”
In John 13 we see this in action as we find Christ literally bowing down before the disciples and washing the dirt and grime out of the disciples toes and feet.
To be frank, I keep finding many a man that wants to feel like the man, but he’s not willing to serve his wife unconditionally.
I missed this my first few years of marriage. I wanted to feel respected, but I was not willing to serve. I wanted my wife to look up to me, but I was not willing to do as Christ and get on me knees and faithfully serve my wife.
To me, service means back massages, arranging my schedule so that my wife can find a break from our three boys under 6. From my vantage point, service means, making breakfast, staying in tune to the needs of the home, and helping my wife when she is starting to become overloaded.
If I expect something good from my wife, then I have found that I need to give out something great. Some may see this as inequitable. I see it as marriage. Some see this as suffering loss, but I have found that God is faithful to make up the difference.
Some may see this as a good counseling tip, I call it manhood!
Food for thought . . . Dr. Force
Do u even have a wife? And if u do, she is one lucky lady. Being ordered around and yelled at and cussed out by a “strong” man is so exhausting that most days I just wanna die. The only reason I dont end myself is because I dont want my kids to have to deal with him alone. And “Divorce is wrong” so cant get out there… tried to separate but he always breaks down and sobs and says how he could never live without me and he promises to be a better man. I know my kids will leave in a few years and they will hate me just as much as him because somehow “I allowed” this to go on. Tell me something, as an abused woman I get told to “stand up to him” ; however when I do and say it’s enough then I’m a screaming bitch. And yet he gets to keep right on calling us stupid, idiots, worthless, pieces of shit, (I’m giving u the mild words he uses) and NO ONE E.V.E.R. tells him to do something about it or to put a stop to it. How in the ever loving world is any of this “christian” and ok???
Get out, get out now. Stop blaming Christianity, stop making excuses. I don’t say this in a judgmental way, but no one is stopping you but yourself.
I’m not even married goin through the same thing
How can your husband love you like Jesus loved the church if he doesn’t even follow in Jesus footsteps in every day life? Before a husband can do this he has to have understanding and conviction and submission to be able to truly love his wife through servitude.
Can you give wives any strategies in assisting their husbands to become more proactive in decisions to be made? I’ve been married for 27 years and feel as though I have always led the discussions about finances, discipline, vacations, weekly schedules, etc. I’m really tired physically, emotionally, and mentally. Please give any guidance you can. Thanks.
Right there with you.
Because of this behavior on his part, never wanting to partake in any of the planning or thinking, just wanting to be “told what to do” and really just following along like one of the kids, I have quit talking to him. I still deal with all the things, make the plans for our kids sakes, but we have no communication. I got tired of wasting my breath.
I also started planning my own life separate from him.
I’m tired of waiting around for help on decisions, so I just make them myself, for myself. I don’t need another kid, I need a spouse, a partner. He doesn’t want to be that. So I am essentially alone. If I am going to be alone, I will make decisions alone. It doesn’t bother him, nothing bothers him. He knows I am working my way out, and although he doesn’t want that (of course he doesn’t! I’m very convenient) he’s not exactly doing anything to try and prevent it. I think he thinks he has me cornered, having been a stay at home, homeschooling mom for 22 years….the kids are on their way out, and so am I.
What would you say to the Christian husbands out there who are nice guys, but make no major decisions, don’t discipline the kids, and don’t act or move unless and until the wife voices a concern regarding any aspect of life. There are many women that I know who are marrier to passive Christian men and the wives are frustrated. What about those men who don’t have the take charge attitude?
I would love to hear more about this as well. I’ve seen articles that say it’s the wife’s fault and if she stops leading things, he will step up. Our family has been through some tough times, and been out of God’s will because I was trying desperately to wait for my husband to lead
This is amazing!!
Thank you – Dr. Force