Rules for Communication in Marriage, Yelling, Physical

Couples Should have Rules for Communication in Marriage

When helping couples to learn how to communicate, I often help them to set up what I call a safety fence. This safety fence is a set of rules for communication in marriage that help couples to know when they are getting into what I call a danger zone.

Here are just two of these rules for starters.

No Yelling

Though you may think otherwise, your spouse is not deaf. Therefore, there is no need to raise the decibels on your volume.

With some couples, there may be words constantly exchanged as such:

Spouse #1: “Stop yelling!“

Spouse #2: “I’m not yelling.“

Spouse #1: “It sounds like yelling to me.“

If the previous exchange is fairly common in your conversations, then a good rule of thumb is that in relationships, perception is reality. In establishing rules for communication in marriage, this is paramount. That is, it is not what you think that you are doing that matters as much as what the other person is perceiving you are doing that should be the primary concern. In other words, though you may not feel that you are raising your voice, if the other person perceives it as yelling, then you should focus on speaking in a more gentle fashion.

I do understand that there are a few exceptions to this rule in that some filter even normal conversation through the pain of their past. Be that as it may, it is still best to follow the previously mentioned rule of thumb to the best of your ability.

No Physical Contact

This plank would involve any type of grabbing, hitting, blocking, confining, or slapping, and it applies to the woman as well as the man.