Relationship Counseling Advice for Pre marriage Relationships
Having worked with a multitude of singles and pre married couples as a pastor, life coach, and relationship counselor, I have come up with a list of do’s and dont’s for couples in a premarital relationship. Here’s a little relationship counseling advice that should serve to save you or someone you know from traveling down the very bumpy road of dysfunctional dating.
If you are not married, you do not own one another
Couples in a dating or courtship scenario often try to act like they owe their entire allegiance to one another. Whether it be their time, their devotion, or even their money, they sometimes try to act like married people before the wedding day.
This is always a mistake as the purpose of a pre marriage relationship is to test the relationship in the areas of character and compatibility, yet with the option to leave the relationship at any time.
This is one of the reasons as to why premarital intimacy or sex should be off limits before marriage. Once this occurs, it will be difficult for at least one or both participants not to feel as if they owe their all to one another.
You can live without the other person
Contrary to movies and love songs, only God is to be your all in all. Your boyfriend, girlfriend, or significant other should never hold that place in your life (I Corinthians 15:28).
Happy singles make happy married people. If you cannot live without a particular man/woman, you have not only made an idol out of that person, but you will also fail to be happy once you have landed them.
Mark it down! If you cannot live without someone, you will find it difficult to live with them. This is because you will lack the foundation needed to love them without any strings attached to your own insecurities.
At this juncture, the gainsaying spirit in some will say, “Well, what about married people? Would you want to live without your spouse?”. If this is your opinion, your youth is showing itself as once you are married you become one flesh, and, undoubtedly, when separation or divorce occurs in marriage, a part of each person starts to die. However, before marriage, both should be able to walk away from a pre marriage relationship without this death taking place.
Keep people around you
Unfortunately, one of the more difficult tasks of offering relationship counseling to dating couples today is keeping them in a holy and pure state before marriage.
Honestly, we can give a lot of advice in this area, but one of the keys to staying pure before marriage is to keep people around you.
I am 41 years of age, I love God, and I have a great relationship with my wife. Yet, I will not put myself in a situation where I am alone with another woman. That being the case, what about two 20 year olds that have hormones that are raging and are madly in love with one another. To put them in a position where they are alone and accountable is absolutely crazy. Something bad will happen unless they keep people around themselves.
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My daughter is 21 weeks pregnant and her ex fiancé wants to be with her and their baby to be, however she has shut him out, doesn’t talk to him unless she is texting him about her Dr’s appointments. She claims she is avoiding stress to protect the baby from all the arguing they would do. I have a hard time with this as I believe God wants them together as a family and they should bring married. Her and I argued over this all the time and she blames him for our arguing. She says if it weren’t for him we wouldn’t be arguing, to me that’s not it, It’s her attitude and her wanting to control the situation. She said before they can even discuss a relationship again he needs to seek counseling for himself, he wants to go to couples counseling but she just says not until you get individual help 1st. I don’t understand how you can love someone one day and not speak to them the next and be carrying their child..We are in serious need of a miracle here..the baby is due in March 2017 and I have prayed and prayed and worry myself sick about this situation. I love my daughter but it kills me to know she is hurting the man she was ready to marry this way.This is his child too but she claims she is listening to God. Why would a loving Father hurt their baby’s father this way, why would he cause my daughter to be so cold toward him? It doesn’t make sense to me. Our God is a loving God and in my eyes would be bringing them together to be enjoying this great miracle of life she is carrying inside her. Am I wrong? I cry every day and night..I beg I plead with God to reconcile these two who are so young..my daughter is 20 he is 22.I am so lost in all this and I can’t even be happy for my daughters 1st pregnancy. I feel she should be with her child’s father especially since he wants to be with her he loves her, he is hurting and missing out on this great miracle of pregnancy because she won’t even talk to him to avoid stress. She talks of her co workers rubbing her belly or feeling the baby kick and I don’t want to hear about it because I feel the baby’s father should have that privilege. She talks about her concerns workers discussing baby names with her and it angers me because she should be discussing that with her baby’s father. I don’t understand how she just walks around like he doesn’t exist but says she loves him..she just picked up her wedding gown 2 days ago and she said she doesn’t show her emotions like I do cuz I asked her if it was hard to try that on now that they aren’t together and she said yes..but she never showed one bit of hurt, being upset or snything..she just acted as if everything was normal.She doesn’t seem to have any emotions at all..like she’s cut herself off from feeling anything..I can’t talk to her about him because she gets defensive and then won’t talk to me at all and then blames him for our arguing when he has nothing to do with it, it’s her…it’s all her..PLEASE HELP US!! I AM SO HURT AND LOST IN THIS AND SEEING MY WOULD HAVE BEEN SON IN LAW HURTING LIKE THIS KILLS ME AND MY DAUGHTER DOESN’T SEEM TO CARE. WHAT HAPPENED TO THE DAUGHTER I RAISED? she used to be so loving forgiving had compassion caring etc..she is the one who always believed and had faith in everything..and now this and to say she is listening to God…Why would God lead her away from her baby’s Father when he is wanting to be with her and is in love with her..he wants to be a family and raise their child in the church..but she claims God is leading her a different way..when asked if its over for her and her babys father her response is that no one knows what the future holds and no one knows God’s plan. I’m lost with this..She is clearly confused..WE NEED DEVINE INTERVENTION AND A GREAT MIRACLE BEFORE THIS BABY COMES.PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HELP US AND PRAYING FOR ALL OF US! I DON’T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO..IT’S CONSUMED ME AND EATS AT ME EVERYDAY AND NIGHT!
I understand all this, and as a 46 year old woman who has been married and has children, I struggle with this. Does this “holy and pure” aspect of pre-marital sex apply to those who are no longer virgins, adults who are in a committed relationship, but where marriage is not a viable option for numerous reasons?