I find that the problem with many is not so much that they fail to give the right answers as much as they tend to ask the wrong questions.
For many, instead of asking, “Should I leave my marriage?”, “Are we compatible?”, “Is there too much water under the bridge?”, “Is my spouse a narcissist?”, or “Should my spouse be diagnosed?”, there may be one important question to ask before any of these.
At this time, some may feel that their marriage has a problem with communication, a lack of intimacy, anger, blended-family issues, or even bad money-managing. However, how many of these very same couples have considered that there may be one primary issue affecting all other areas in their marriage.
The Source Of All Problems
If I have 10 leaks in a ceiling, do I fetch 10 buckets or do I go and find the source of the leak? In the same manner, I feel it is rather foolish and potentially dangerous to ask the question, “What can I do to fix my marriage?”, unless a couple has asked themselves the following:
“Does our marriage have a source of life, love, and joy outside of ourselves that is realized, sensed, and enjoyed on a day to day basis?”
Jesus said in John 7:38, “He that believeth on me, as the scripture hath said, out of his belly shall flow rivers of living water.” This is important because every marriage is a well of water in that it can only give out what it is first being fed from an underground source.
Your Primary Issue?
Is it possible today that your primary issue is not money, anger, or communication? Maybe you war without because that internal war for peace within has never been won through faith in Christ. Maybe your marriage is parched with pain because you have never tapped into that Underground Source of life that the scriptures refer to as the Holy Spirit.
In chapter 1 and 2 of our marriage book, we discuss the importance of securing peace with God before expecting to have peace with one another. Order our marriage book, How to Fight for Your Marriage Without Fighting With One Another, at our online resource center.