If you find yourself constantly thinking, “I have no feelings for my husband or wife anymore.”, it is vital to understand that feelings have no engine of their own. Feelings are pulled around by thoughts and actions. Therefore, if you are going to see a change in the way you feel about your spouse, then, first of all, you will have to change the way you are treating them. This is why I often say, “Never expect to feel any different about your marriage unless you are willing to do something different.”.
I have come across many a spouse that seems to be waiting for their feelings to mysteriously change before they start treating their mate in a different manner. The only problem is that they are waiting for something that does not exist.
The Proverbs 16:3 Principle
Proverbs 16:3 gives us some insight on this subject. It says:
“Commit thy works unto the Lord, and thy thoughts shall be established.”
If you will notice, God’s Words tells us that the external can positively affect the internal. In other words, Proverbs is teaching us that in that in order to move the inside, sometimes, the outside must be the first to change.
Imagine if I obtained a train cart, painted the word “feelings” on it, and set it all by itself on the tracks. Let us also go a little further and assume that it is hundreds of miles away from where I would want it to travel.
First off, this train cart may describe some of you in that your feelings for your spouse may be far away from where they once were at another time in your marriage.
Secondly, the train cart may also portray how you feel in that you sense that you are all alone and emotionally stuck.
Getting the Train Cart Called Feelings to Move
The question is how are we going to get that train cart to move in a positive direction? We could sit back and wait for it to move on its own accord, yet I am sure that would accomplish little. We could have long conversations about possible solutions, but, that would also be to no avail.
Ultimately, the only plausible way for forward progress to begin is to hook an engine to that train cart and proceed down the tracks.
In like manner, husbands and wives that are seeing very little movement in their feelings toward one another must find a similar engine. I call it an engine called action. Once this occurs, it is almost always just a matter of time before they start to feel differently toward their spouse. And, it is a more than crucial step for those incessantly thinking they have no feelings for their husband or wife anymore.
There’s always Something You Can Do
As an aside, I certainly understand that there are people with chemical imbalances, hormonal problems, or physiological issues that may throw their feelings off. I am fully aware of such cases. I also understand that there are heart issues such as hurt, unforgiveness, and bitterness that take time to heal. Nevertheless, I have found that even in the most difficult of cases, there is always some way to start showing kindness in a tangible way so that a spouse can eventually start to feel differently about their marriage. It is not only a Biblical step, but I have also found it to be extremely effective.
My wife and I are trying to work on our marriage after she committed adultery. This is day 2. She told me today she is still angry at me and she needs to feel something from me to want to enjoy being with me. I don’t understand that. Im the one who is willing to forgive and focus on us. Can anyone help me with understanding what she is saying?
You need outside help that can fast-forward you through this process. You do not have time to learn by trial and error. Feel free to call us at 1-888-642-3036.
– Dr. Force