If you are looking for answers on how to win your husband back (or your wife), we are offering Christian-based help. Mark it down, however, a spirit of desperation will do little to help you to win your spouse back. Here is some Christian-based advice on this subject.
The Desperate Spouse
Expectations can be a manifestation of true faith in the Lord (Hebrews 11:1) or they can grow out of a selfish desire to see problems eradicated as quick as possible. More times than nought, they are weeds that grow out of the roots of fear, greed, and impatience.
There will be some that are reading this book that are desperately trying to win back their spouse. These individuals usually do not err in what they are doing as much as how and when they expect their spouse to come around. Behind their random acts of kindness and words of encouragement is a heat that is burning with expectation. This is always a grave error for those looking for answer in how to win their husband back as well as their wife for a number of reasons. Below, I have listed one of them:
Higher expectations lead to greater resistance.
If you are in a troubled marriage, you are potentially in what I call hyper-fix-it mode. Fearing divorce or separation you may be saying and doing all the right things with a great amount of intensity, but to no avail. It may seem that the harder you chase, the faster the other person runs away from you. If it appears that way, it is because it is so. You are the hound that is chasing the fox in that as you up the chase, the other person runs away with even more vigour than before. To be frank, this is very detrimental if you want to know how to win your husband back.
At this point, your perception is probably that the other person is unthankful, hurt beyond repair, or hard-hearted because of their unwillingness to reciprocate your love to them. It is entirely possible that you have come to the wrong conclusion. The problem may not be with their willingness as much as with your lack of understanding.
It seems that few people see that their expectations have a way of pressurizing their marriage. They cause an air of tension in a home that is so thick that, at times, one could almost cut it with a knife. As long as this tension exists, even the most dramatic changes will be met with resistance as no one likes to feel pressured into changing, nor do they want to be sold on the marriage.
You may be going through the day hoping that this is the day your spouse comes around and owns the marriage. Behind every kind word and loving deed is a spirit of anxiousness that is awaiting that tv moment when the other person falls into your arms and verbalizes their lifelong committment to the marriage. The only problem is that this typically only exists in the movies as people normally change here a little and there a little.
Bury the Seed of Expectations
If you feel that I am hitting home, a tweak in your spirit may be in order. This is a crucial step for those of you that want to learn how to win your husband back (or your wife). You will be wise to do what I call burying the seeds of expectations.
I can buy the best gardening seeds that money can buy, but if I never bury them in the ground, they are worth but little. Jesus even spoke to this end. In John 12:24, He said:
“Verily, verily, I say unto you, Except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abideth alone: but if it die, it bringeth forth much fruit.”
There is a sense where your expectations are like a packet of seeds. Until you bury them, you will probably fail to see much fruit.
If your spouse feels there is an ulterior motive behind everything you do and say, you will almost always be met with some form of resistance. If they perceive that your primary objective is to remedy yourself of a problem rather than to love them unconditionally, they will resent even the most sacrificial forms of love.
My wife asked me to move out after 17 years of marriage with several children at home. I have seen how I have been emotionally distant, a workaholic and very co-dependent. I have been seeing a counselor for 7 months and began going to celebrate recovery as well as doing a 12 step program for workaholic and co-dependency. I have been emotionally and verbally abusive ( not name calling or yelling) but moody, disconnected, withdrawn, depressed and overall just not engaged. It has been 5 months since moving out and we talk every two weeks about seeing the kids. When we speak she cannot be cordial, has blamed me for every aspect of the issues and overall does not seem to want to reconcile but has not pursued divorce. I am very much a changed man through God’s grace, yet understand I have a great deal of work to do. I want to be the husband she use to profess to love but do not know how to convey to her changes because she will not talk with me or see me. I do not want to over pursue her and I do want to meet her financial and other needs during this time. Just not sure how to turn down the intensity.