In many ways, I had a bad first year of marriage. My wife was like a wilted flower, and I had sucked the life right out of her through my temper tantrums, late night lectures, and inconsistent behavior. To make matters worse, I was an assistant pastor of a church, therefore, I had a verse for everything. In fact, once she said, “You have a verse for everything.” I quickly retorted by saying, “Well, the Bible says to ‘let every man be fully persuaded’.”
My Defensive Attitude
Seeing that my wife’s spirit was closed to me, I quickly became defensive in my spirit. Not enjoying the emotional distance between us, I would try to breach the gap between our hearts by managing her thoughts and emotions through carefully constructed arguments and pleas. To be honest, it only made matters worse.
At one point, I was convinced that God had given me the wrong person. I was adamant that she was either rebellious in heart or simply closed-minded toward Biblical truth about marriage. The only thing I had not considered was that I may have been responsible for the wilted condition of my flower.
Not too long into the marriage, something happened. I vividly remember the day when the Lord showed me that I had been the problem as I was not pouring on her the sunlight, water, and nutrients of unconditional love and kindness. As I took personal responsibility for the state of my flower and started taking care of her as God would have me to, something even better happened. All of the things that I had tried to get out of her by using anger and pressure tactics, I started to receive from her. The truth is, once I began taking care of my flower in a Biblical way, her petals came back to life and she opened her heart to me as she had once done.
The Need for Outside Help
If you are in the midst of marital difficulties, then we would highly encourage you to consider obtaining some type of outside help. Though it may take humility, please keep in mind that pride is a weakness and humility is a strength. Also, bear in mind that most people do not figure marriage out on their own.
Ordering our Marriage Book
Our marriage book, How to Fight For Your Marriage Without Fighting With One Another, has been designed for individual as well as small group study purposes. To find out more about our marriage book, visit our online resource center. Our marriage book is also available for an immediate download in Kindle format.
How am I to please my husband when I have so much physical pain and need surgery on my hips and lower back? I cannot go downstairs I cannot stand up very long and being intimate hurts he does not ask. But I know he is being deprived of us not being intimate. I do not really feel like a wife or mother or grandmother I am only 41. Some days and nights I cry in prayer over this the pain is always there. I want to please God and my husband