When trying to save your marriage, it is vital to stay in the day. That is, I find that many husbands and wives become so overcome by a fear of what may happen tomorrow that they lose the strength needed to face the problems of today. This is one of the greatest mistakes that are made by those afraid of losing their spouse.
Encouragement from Philippians 4:8
Philippians 4:8 tells us that we are to think on things that are true. If you think about it, when you worry, you are not thinking about that which is true as much as that which you fear may happen.
I often coach people to understand that all they know about the future is that they do not necessarily know what is going to happen. Though your fears may deceive your mind into thinking that what could happen is a reality, it is important to overcome this terribly bad habit.
Many spouses allow thoughts as such to fill their minds when in the midst of marital issues:
What if I put all this work into my marriage and they still leave me?
Are they going to abandon me?
What will I do financially if they leave?
What will others think of me if I am divorced?
I won’t be able to take it if they leave me.
Though these thoughts are all natural, it should be understood that they are all detrimental in that they will rob you of the strength needed to persevere. Also, be sure to notice that every one of these statements are dealing with the future. In other words, the above mentioned statements are all about what might happen, and they fail to deal with the reality of the day.
Fear is a Fantasy based on Negativity
Someone once said that fear is false evidence appearing real. I would have to agree in that fear is really a fantasy based on feelings of negativity. And, to dwell in the realm of fantasy is typically a royal waste of time.
All in all, it is better for husbands and wives in a troubled marriage to do the following in order to preserve their strength:
1. Stay in the present instead of the future.
2. Set goals that you can reach every day no matter what your spouse does or does not do. We cover this in detail in chapter 6 of our marriage book.
3. Remind yourself that if your spouse is still with you, they have not left as of yet. Therefore, what may happen has not happened. So stay in the day, obey God, and leave all the consequences to Him.
People that are afraid of losing their spouse must preserve their spiritual and emotional stamina as saving a marriage can be a grueling process. However, I trust that the principles found in Philippians 4:8 will help you save your strength for reality instead of a fantasy based on negativity.