No Marriage Runs On Empty

Every marriage is like a well. Without a source outside of itself, it will fall short in producing that which it was designed to supply.

I am a pastor, director of Hitting Home, father of eight, boys varsity basketball coach, and an owner of another family business we started about seven years ago. I’m tired just writing all of this.

Everything in my life is growing. In fact, as our Hitting Home audience continues to grow, we are sometimes overwhelmed with the phone calls, emails, and the requests for help. However, in the midst of our busyness, here is what I have found to be absolutely crucial to maintain power in my marriage and overall life.

I Must Have The Presence Of God

To put it plainly, if I did not have an outside source of strength, I would collapse under my current responsibilities. However, I would have to say that my time alone with Christ in the morning and throughout the day is the absolute key to not only standing, but staying vibrant in our work.

Honestly, I do not know why people seem to stiff-arm spending time with Christ and placing themselves under the Light of His presence. Maybe some only feel that Bible reading is an intellectual pursuit while others may only see it as an obligation that their pastor or parents placed upon them. In my view, spending time with Christ is not a duty, it is a privilege. However, I have found that if a person does not sense the fullness of joy that only His presence brings (Psalm 16:11), then Bible reading is simply a mere duty or something to get out of the way to alleviate guilt.

Let me plead with my readers for a few moments: If you do not sense God’s joy when you read the Bible, the problem is not with the Bible. Keep asking, searching, and knocking for the Bible states that if we seek Him with our whole heart, we will find Him. (Deuteronomy 4:29)

I Give My Way Through My Problems

When trouble comes we are prone to think inwardly. That is, we are tempted to think, what do I need to do to get what I want, when I want it, and how I want it. However, I find that this is a poor solution at best. The better option is to realize that most blessings in life come when we push what we want away and think of others.

Proverbs 11:25 tells us that the “liberal [generous] soul shall be made fat”. Simply put, Proverbs is teaching us that the fullest of people empty themselves out for the betterment of those around them even during the most difficult of times.

I Work At Cultivating Good Relationships Around Me

Proverbs 18:20 tells us:

“A man’s belly shall be satisfied with the fruit of his mouth; and with the increase of his lips shall he be filled.”

The scriptures are telling us that the way that we speak to those around us dictates the level of satisfaction we enjoy. That said, one of the reasons why I try to work at watching what I say to my wife and children is that the way I speak to them determines my level of enjoyment and satisfaction in life.

If a person was to stand on a hill and spit into the wind, they know what they should expect to come back on them. In the same way, a spouse that allows anger, sarcasm, and condescension to come from their lips should not expect anything different coming back to them.

In chapter 1 of our marriage book, How to Fight for Your Marriage Without Fighting With One Another, we talk about the importance of the Holy Spirit in a marriage. Find out more about our marriage book.