I am finding an increasing amount of men that are just plain mad. They are mad about their marriage, the treatment they receive from their wives, and what they view to be an uneven playing field when it comes to marriage.
Below are few reasons why I believe this to be occurring.
Some Men Have Fallen Into A Pit of Their Own Making
Mankind in general is prone to sabotaging his own own success and then loathing the negative repercussions that follow. Here are a few verses from Proverbs that undergird this thought:
Proverbs 26:27 – “Whoso diggeth a pit shall fall therein: and he that rolleth a stone, it will return upon him.”
Proverbs 11:17 – “The merciful man doeth good to his own soul: but he that is cruel troubleth his own flesh.”
From my experience of dealing with men, many a man has dug a pit of anger, bitterness, and laziness only to end up falling in himself. He often does this by:
Failing To Lead His Family Toward The Light
If a man is not leading his family toward the Light, darkness will prevail in his marriage. It is that simple. Though his accusations will be hurled at the disrespect he is receiving from his family, many times, the darkness of disrespect is only present as a result of his leadership away from the Light of God’s Word.
Being Loose With His Words
A man’s words are like a boomerang. What he gives out will always find a way of coming back to him.
Failing To Protect The 3 Parts Of His Household
Marriage is more than a paycheck. A husband should be looking out for the physical, emotional, and spiritual needs of his family. If he is not loving his family in these three areas, negative repercussions will follow, and his temptation will be to get mad at the trouble that his lack of care in all three of these areas has caused. We deal with this in chapter 8 of our marriage book, How to Fight for Your Marriage Without Fighting With One Another.
Some Men Are Still Carrying An Emotional Debt of Sorts
Many wives are still paying off the emotional debts that wayward fathers and bitter mothers charged to their spouse. However, it should be noted that this is why we teach that a happy marriage is comprised of happy spouses. That is, I like to say that my wife and I do not have a great marriage because we have one another, we have a great marriage because we are filled with God’s love and joy before we even see one another.
We often say that people have a God-shaped vacuum, but they also have what I call a Dad-shaped vacuum. That is, many men go through life trying to get out of others what they never received from their dads and moms. Thankfully, God is a father to the fatherless (Psalm 68:5), and only He can succeed where our earthly parents failed.
A wife cannot fix what others have broke. Only God is able to do that. Although her love can help to display what I call God’s love with skin on it, ultimately, God has to do the fixing.
Some Men are Dealing with Relational Injustices
Many men complain to me that they feel there is an unequal playing field when it comes to marriage. Some even feel that an unbalanced emphasis on Ephesians 5:25 without mentioning Ephesians 5:24 is almost empowering women to withhold their love and affection toward their husbands.
I deal with this aspect in our marriage book, How to Fight for Your Marriage Without Fighting with One Another, as I wrote:
“Throughout time, women have been tempted to withhold their love and affection toward their husbands because they fail to measure up to their expectations. A woman that has given in to this temptation must realize that when she holds back from loving her husband because he doesn’t meet her standards, she is simply holding her love as a ransom until he comes up with the appropriate payment. This is actually a form of manipulation.”
My husband cheated on me after 27 years of marriage. I read and listened to so many different experts on marriage and my conclusion is this. A marriage can only survive and thrive if the offending spouse is willing to take responsibility for their actions, some kind of remorse and true empathy must be present and the hurt spouse can forgive. Sometimes we, as a devoted spouses want to do whatever it takes to save the marriage. I absolutely believe any marriage can be saved if both are willing to do the work, this fact is just key to rebuilding trust again, on both sides. The offending spouse can keep a marriage from healing just as much as the hurt spouse can. Mostly do to an unwillingness to do what’s hard. Trusting each other means the one who cheated can trust the hurt spouse enough to be vulnerable and vice versa. What’s hard after adultery is forgiving completely , trusting again, and loving our spouse the way we want to be loved. When we can love in spite of what has happened, that is true love. God, at least for me, is a key player. Without His place at the center of our marriage, we can both try to hold our opinions over Gods truth. He gave us marriage as a tool to help each other learn unconditional love that endures all things, all things means all things. If Jesus, on the cross can forgive the ones who crucified Him, who am I to deny forgiveness to the one I love most in this world. It takes time don’t get me wrong, I am a year and a half past discovery. I still cry, but one thing that keeps me moving forward is that my husband has embraced God, me, our children in a way I never expected. Healing is still taking place because, let’s face it, rejection hurts, it hurts so deep it reaches places we never knew we had, but a marriage can get stronger if we allow ourselves to know that adultery is a lie, it paints a perfect romantic picture that always ends in disaster. The grass seems greener until you find yourself stepping in the poop all over the yard you couldn’t see until you were already in it. A person who cheats is cheating themselves because they refuse to do those romantic things for the one right in front of them, proverbs 4 through 8 are a good place to start to understand the Warnings against adultery and its destructive nature. As a Christian who is seeking the counsel of my Savior, forgiveness isn’t an option, It is a gift we give ourselves and others that benefits our future in a way only Jesus has already demonstrated for us. It leads to Him. Forgiveness leads to freedom for ourselves and others. He forgives so we can come boldly and completely towards him and He will recieve us with open arms. How can we not heal after such an act of the love. How can we expect to heal our marriage without understanding these concepts of God. Anything other than forgiveness, even if it’s forgiveness without reconciliation because the other spouse WON’T change, I won’t say CAN’T change because it is a choice, and until they understand that about themselves they will always be a risk to themselves and their spouses. I would never say to leave your spouse either, only because marriage is sacred to God, and that is a decision you must make for yourself. God even gave us the book of Hosea, a man told to marry an adulterous woman. It is a sad story about a loving husband with an unfaithful wife , but it shows how we are unfaithful to our Heavenly Father and how He keeps forgiving us. It give us prospective on just how far we all can and have fallen and hurt our Creator, but redemption is a gift from Him and it should be a gift that we too learn through life’s trials to forgive because our Lords redeeming Grace is always ready to forgive us. Claiming Gods love means claiming His truth. His truth is we must forgive. The opposite leads to pain that never heals and anger that is never satisfied. Trust me Gods way is the only way to restore what was lost. I like listening to Jimmy Evans, Marriage Today! His whole focus is marriage Gods way. Weneed to get out of the way so God can have His way!!!! Good luck and God bless you through this difficult time!!!
On two mountains of opinion HIS or HERS facts and emotions hurled and built up to justify selfish behaviour….simply give me Jesus, then the gap narrows between the couple in HIS grip…..enlightened to serve the other despite the flesh