I am finding an increasing amount of men that are just plain mad. They are mad about their marriage, the treatment they receive from their wives, and what they view to be an uneven playing field when it comes to marriage.
Below are few reasons why I believe this to be occurring.
Some Men Have Fallen Into A Pit of Their Own Making
Mankind in general is prone to sabotaging his own own success and then loathing the negative repercussions that follow. Here are a few verses from Proverbs that undergird this thought:
Proverbs 26:27 – “Whoso diggeth a pit shall fall therein: and he that rolleth a stone, it will return upon him.”
Proverbs 11:17 – “The merciful man doeth good to his own soul: but he that is cruel troubleth his own flesh.”
From my experience of dealing with men, many a man has dug a pit of anger, bitterness, and laziness only to end up falling in himself. He often does this by:
Failing To Lead His Family Toward The Light
If a man is not leading his family toward the Light, darkness will prevail in his marriage. It is that simple. Though his accusations will be hurled at the disrespect he is receiving from his family, many times, the darkness of disrespect is only present as a result of his leadership away from the Light of God’s Word.
Being Loose With His Words
A man’s words are like a boomerang. What he gives out will always find a way of coming back to him.
Failing To Protect The 3 Parts Of His Household
Marriage is more than a paycheck. A husband should be looking out for the physical, emotional, and spiritual needs of his family. If he is not loving his family in these three areas, negative repercussions will follow, and his temptation will be to get mad at the trouble that his lack of care in all three of these areas has caused. We deal with this in chapter 8 of our marriage book, How to Fight for Your Marriage Without Fighting With One Another.
Some Men Are Still Carrying An Emotional Debt of Sorts
Many wives are still paying off the emotional debts that wayward fathers and bitter mothers charged to their spouse. However, it should be noted that this is why we teach that a happy marriage is comprised of happy spouses. That is, I like to say that my wife and I do not have a great marriage because we have one another, we have a great marriage because we are filled with God’s love and joy before we even see one another.
We often say that people have a God-shaped vacuum, but they also have what I call a Dad-shaped vacuum. That is, many men go through life trying to get out of others what they never received from their dads and moms. Thankfully, God is a father to the fatherless (Psalm 68:5), and only He can succeed where our earthly parents failed.
A wife cannot fix what others have broke. Only God is able to do that. Although her love can help to display what I call God’s love with skin on it, ultimately, God has to do the fixing.
Some Men are Dealing with Relational Injustices
Many men complain to me that they feel there is an unequal playing field when it comes to marriage. Some even feel that an unbalanced emphasis on Ephesians 5:25 without mentioning Ephesians 5:24 is almost empowering women to withhold their love and affection toward their husbands.
I deal with this aspect in our marriage book, How to Fight for Your Marriage Without Fighting with One Another, as I wrote:
“Throughout time, women have been tempted to withhold their love and affection toward their husbands because they fail to measure up to their expectations. A woman that has given in to this temptation must realize that when she holds back from loving her husband because he doesn’t meet her standards, she is simply holding her love as a ransom until he comes up with the appropriate payment. This is actually a form of manipulation.”
For Individual Study Or Use As A Couples Devotional
Our marriage book, How to Fight For Your Marriage Without Fighting With One Another, has been designed for individual study as well as a couples devotional. With thought provoking questions at the end of each chapter, couples find our book a helpful resource to encourage healthy, forward-thinking conversation. For ordering information, visit our online resource center.
Prefer listening rather than reading? Check out our audio book or listen to a live recording of one of our How to Fight for Your Marriage – Marriage Conferences. These are great options for the non-reader in your life.
Oops! Almost forgot. There is a that Amazon option also available to you.
- Learn about our proven, 2-step process
- Designed as a couples devotional
- Use in a group study
- A biblical and refreshing approach
Thank you!
I don’t read it that way. It looks as though this could be taken as this is a fault of women so men use that to get out of their marriage.
Maybe I am wrong on this but I feel that teaching often perpetuated and over emphasized in the church that man/husband/father is somehow responsible for the spiritual nourishment of his whole family causes more harm than good. Perhaps this made sense in an ancient culture where women weren’t even allowed in the temple and likely couldn’t read. But in today’s modern world a woman can pick up a Bible for herself and read it. She can pray to God herself. She can drive herself to church. Her husband may not be a breliever especially if she got saved after marriage or she may be further along in the faith than him.
Point is I have heard many women speak in disappointment and exasperation because their husbands are not the “spiritual leaders” they think they ought to be. I as a woman think this is unfair to lay on these husbands. My husband is not responsible for my relationship with Jesus. I am! I have not and will not make him responsible for it. I am further along in the faith than he is but I never hold this over his head. I encourage him in his faith. He sees me reading the Bible now he has asked me about getting one for him to read along. I am excited because I pray for him all the time and I am seeing God work.
Whoever is saved first and is further along in the faith may lead the way so to speak spiritually. It does not mean I am in charge and domineering over my husband. It simply means as you or I follow Jesus Christ you or I should inspire others to follow Jesus as well and that may mean a wife leads her husband to Christ.
So please stop making these men responsible for their wives relationship with Jesus. It causes more harm than good.
You may want to read our article on this subject.
https://hittinghomeministry.com/happy-marriage/
Thank you,
Dr. Force
“In order to be lead one must be willing to follow”
JTB
So you must go against what the bible teaches to please others. Let me know how that works out for you…
Anonymous… The thing is that when In Christ, there is no male or female. Marriage is a ‘law’ that can be placed under the law of Spirit in Christ, resulting in all just being servants under Christ under God- so it really isn’t going against the way the Bible teaches. It is in relation to what law you
operate under.
Because the simplest way to get women to continue to empty their bank account in the name of religion is to blame everything on men.
Why do you think most church functions are geared toward women? MONEY
Why do you think there are so many “women conferences”? MONEY
Why are most religious books written geared toward women? MONEY
This writing is no more than cherry picked passages from the bible once again being used to distort a message to get people on this site and eventually spend that MONEY
I don’t think they are going to.be making a killing at 9.99 a book, smh!
Did you read the bottom half of the article. Sounds pretty fair to me man.
Just because your wife thought it was good and wanted you to read it, doesn’t mean that God didn’t want you to read it. Sometimes you just have to open your heart to what He wants to show you.
I am happy that my wife chooses to read these religious geared books rather than some fantasy book that makes her think I need to look like Fabio and have sex for hours at a time. Those books cost money.
Everything cost money. It’s on us how we spend it. Do we spend on fruitless things that will lead to destruction, or do we give our money to ministries that help others and encourage them to have a relationship with Christ.
Love this!
Sergeant,love your statement.
Sergeant,I agree… Love that you made that point, that just because she agreed or thought it was good and wished he would read it, but it could have very well been what God wanted him to see. Unfortunately, all to often the sound proof walls go up instead.
That is a weak argument. Women are more naturally inclined to improve the relationships in their lives, and enjoy the socialization of a church more than men might. There is also an increasing number of single mother households that probably need help more than the men who left their kids to be a part time parent IF THAT. And kids are the future, so what better investment? Your money angle is weak, because I am sure that men’s bank accounts are emptied in a variety of places that also exist to “just make money” and I would also bet their intentions are not bad decent as the average church. So it is all in what one values and how one chooses to look at it.
Look at what I said above .
No– it’s bc woman are the major readers in the household
Whether the man is acting as a spiritual leader or not, God gave him that role.
He’s not saying that the husband is responsible for the wife’s relationship with Jesus. However the husband is to be the leader of the home. Scriture says it. God commands it. That doesn’t mean the wife has no responsibilities. She does. She’s to help her husband any way she can.
Men are responsible in a biblical marriage to love their wives as Christ lives the Church. Period. This includes a spiritual element. If men fail to grow spiritually, all wives can do is grow themselves and be an example in a loving way….not condescending way as many women do. This is both counterproductive and manipulative and ends up in emotional gridlock. It is best to not marry a non-Christian. Heed the word of Moses before he died and before the Israelites entered the promise land: Do not intermarry with the Gentiles. (Our modern day translation, a non-Christian). Making sure the man they love is rooted in Christ is necessary. Once married, yes, grow individually but also pray together. If is a must. The devil loves division and is winning the Christian marriage war.
I believe the breakdown of families today lies with a lack of spiritual leadership from men. I AM a Christian but I am weary. My husband drinks while we are at church on Wednesday nights and rarely attends church with us on Sunday’s. He claims he’s a Christian but there is very little fruit displayed for my 12 year old son to see. I am involved and plugged in to our local Baptist church and my son loves going. He has been saved is a wonderful young man. My husband doesn’t view him as a blessing. I have heard that a person’s view of our Heavenly Father is often akin to our earthly father figures. If this is true, and I believe it somewhat is, my son will have a distorted understanding of the grace and mercy bestowed on us and be focused on angry God – someone who is not approachable. I’m doing all I can to raise our son in a Godly home but I feel that my husband’s actions will deter him from reaching his full potential in Christ. I do believe that a man is to lead his home but I cannot and will not let my child be led down he path of his daddy.
Very well said.. I’m going through a similar situation…
God placed man as the head the bible clearly states that. Like an employee we are each responsible to do the work we are assigned. Our manager does not do our work but he does have to answer to the boss if there is problems. The husband is to nurture and guide and encourage and most of all model a Godly relationship, we are to follow. This has been a hard one for me as well, I was the stronger one spiritually at first but I couldn’t do it as hard as I tried to lead my family I was spinning my wheels. I finally a few years ago said I have to do it God’s way even if I think I’m a better leader and I stepped down. I told my husband I wanted him to lead spiritually, that I was tired of trying to do his and my roles, that I realized I had been trying to lead and God calls him to do it. I backed off it wasn’t easy but he has stepped up and grown so much spiritually and God has blessed him and our whole family and I’m less stressed and more at peace with my role. It’s much easier to follow a man walking with the Lord. Rather than walking his own path.
I totally agree with you, Jill. I waited with great frustration for over 20 years for my husband to lead spiritually. I finally just took it upon my self to seek the Lord and follow the leading of the Holy Spirit. This has resulted in a wonderful, vibrant relationship with Christ and a greatly improved relationship with my husband. I can now accept the way my husband is (He has many good qualities.)and just enjoy my relationship with him.