As a marriage coach, I have found that some couples are able to excel after only a few sessions. On the other hand, there are others that never seem to quite get it right. Though there are a number of factors as to why marriage counseling does not work for some, I have found one major characteristic that is typically present:
Either one or both parties are unwilling to give it their all unless they have an absolute guarantee that everything will turn out for the better.
All the Marriage Counseling in the World
I have seen couples submit themselves to counseling sessions, read books, and attend seminars yet fail in the above mentioned principle. If this occurs, then I have found that they are filling what I call a bag with holes in it. Honestly, until they tie up this loose end in their mind and heart, they will find that even the best marriage counseling and coaching will do little to better their relationship.
Many couples are deeply entrenched in their hurt, skepticism, and their pride. From experience, these couples will only make forward progress if they take the risk to love the other person even if they fail to receive anything in return.
Ephesians 6:8 tells us the following:
“Knowing that whatsoever good thing any man doeth, the same shall he receive of the Lord, whether he be bond or free.”
I often state that faith in God is believing Him and then leaving all the consequences to Him. I cannot guarantee that if you give you shall receive directly from your spouse. But, I do know that if you do right, your blessing is not in the hands of your spouse, but rather the Lord. Therefore, if you do right as the Holy Spirit is leading you, good will come no matter how your spouse responds.
As a pastor and a Christian marriage and relationship coach, I often help couples that have been to a number of marriage counselors and therapists. Many of these very same couples are slightly bewildered and they are trying to figure out why marriage counseling did not work for them. However, we must understand that marriage counseling is only as good as the heart that is receiving it, and a couple’s willingness to love unconditionally will typically be proportionate to the success they enjoy.