Some Things Marriage Counselors Are Afraid to Say


There are some things that just need to be said from time to time but those that work with couples may be afraid to say it. Here are a few points that are difficult to articulate in our current culture yet still need to be said. In fact, when these things are voiced, it is amazing how one can feel the tension that seems to arise in a counseling session or teaching time.


Someone has to Make the Final Decision


At times, someone has to make the final decision. To think that couples will agree on every aspect of every decision is pure fantasy.

There are times when my wife and I do not see eye to eye. Though we utilize our coaching methods and biblical mandates, we sometimes disagree on which direction to take. It is during these times that we avoid hours of arguing and needless tension by referring to the scriptures.

The scriptures tell us that the man is to be the leader in the home (Ephesians 5:23). Though this means more than decision making, it certainly includes decision making.

I often say that if Moses would have taken a poll while the Israelites stood on the edge of the Red Sea, they never would have crossed. In like manner, there are occasions when someone has to pull the lever, and, from our understanding of the scriptures, the husband is to be that one.

There are times when my wife and I have prayed and discussed a matter only to find that we cannot come to a singular conclusion. Though we do everything to avoid this situation, it does happen. In these situations, we avoid so many useless arguments by deferring to the biblical model that the man is the leader of the home. Though sometimes I still make the wrong decision, there is a way to rightly make the wrong decision and avoid cutting heart strings between my wife and I.


The Word Abuse is Sometimes Overused


I find that the word abuse is sometimes being overused in our society. Though many are abused, I am finding that some use it as a tool or a weapon in cases when couples are simply having normative spats about everyday matters.

Once a person uses that term, it is almost as if they feel they have free reign to call the shots or manipulate a matter. It should be understood that there is a difference between normative marital tension and abuse.


Sex is Sometimes a Beautiful Experience and Sometimes a Not So Beautiful Experience


Though I teach that sex is to be a physical expression of what is taking place between a husband and a wife on an emotional level, there are times when sex is not a picture perfect scenario.

Paul pointed out in I Corinthians 7 that husbands and wives are not to defraud one another. Simply put, there are times when tiredness, busy schedules, and hormones keep all the stars from aligning aright. During these times, some couples cannot expect fireworks on every occasion.

To be honest, there are times when sex involves a little more work than pleasure. That said, some just need to hear that this is okay. As long as the consent is mutual, there are times when the beauty of sex is not so much in the enjoyment as much as the fact that both are giving to one another in spite of the level of enjoyment.

Food for thought – Dr. Force

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Posted in Marriage Advice

2 comments on “Some Things Marriage Counselors Are Afraid to Say
  1. Who cares says:

    I stopped trying to talk to my husband about how to handle the finances, he’s the man, let him do it his way. Now we’re up to our necks in debt. Always spending more than he makes but, it is his money. His helper yeah right more like his maid. Following Biblical principles only work when the two are on the same page, marriage only works if both are willing to work at it. I’m fighting alone and I don’t even know what I’m fighting for anymore.

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