I Peter 3:7 teaches that husbands are to honor their wives. What does this mean? How can a husband put this into practice? What are some practical ways that a husband can honor his wife? Here are a few pointers from Dr. Raymond Force, author of How to Fight for Your Marriage Without Fighting with One Another.
The Actual Verse
If you are not well acquainted with I Peter 3:7, here is the verse:
“Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.”
Before I Get Started
Before I give a few ways that a husband can honor his wife as I Peter 3:7 teaches, I have something to get off my chest. That is, this idea that the biblical model pushes women down is absolutely ridiculous. This notion has been purported by scripturally illiterate people that filter selected verses through their unbelief and misunderstanding of a holy and loving God.
In I Peter 3:7, we have yet another verse that teaches us that a biblical man does not use his position to push down his wife, but exalt her. In fact, if a man uses the Bible simply as a tool to control his wife, he is altogether unbiblical, and his spirit is contrary to the Spirit of Christ.
Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church. As a member of His bride, the church, I can truly say that I am exalted all the more for my submission to the greatest Servant, the Lord Jesus Christ (Philippians 2:5). In fact, sin simply brought me down, but Jesus Christ, the church’s groom, lifted me up.
In the same way, a biblical marriage does not bring women down as much as it exalts their powerful, yet beautiful influence in our lives. That is, the biblical model for marriage does not demean women, it exalts them, provides protection for them, and promotes an atmosphere for them to do what they do best, exercise their femininity.
How Can a Husband Show Honor to His Wife
Here are a few ways that a husband can show honor to his wife in accordance to I Peter 3:7:
By adding value to her life
First of all, notice that I used the word adding. That is, marriage is to be an add-on to what Christ is already doing in someone’s life.
In our marriage book, How to Fight for Your Marriage Without Fighting with One Another, I wrote:
“I deem marriage to be the icing on top of the cake. That is, matrimony is a fringe benefit to what the Lord has already done in our lives. Unfortunately, some men and women have little or no cake upon which that icing can rest. In cases as such, their mates often grow weary in their attempts at blessing them as, deep down, I believe they know they can never take the place of God in their lives.”
By taking interest in her interests
This is a part of our 2nd step. You may read more about this in our marriage book or our article called How Manure Saved My Marriage.
By not discounting her words in front of the children
Parents should always work at establishing what I call a united front before the children.
By not criticizing her ideas even though they differ from yours
By maintaining an awareness of her emotional needs
Just as Christ knows what we need before we even ask, I believe a godly husband will maintain an awareness of his wife’s state.
By considering her viewpoint instead of dismissing it
Most of the time, if I make a decision that my wife is not for, it ends up being a bad decision. The same Holy Spirit that leads me can lead her.
By not exposing her to emotional temptations
If at all possible, it is best for husbands to cover their wives so as to protect them from emotional storms that they should not have to handle. If a husband fails in this area, he will often end up with a wife that hardens her heart to the point where she finds it difficult to show softness. The end result is rarely pleasant, and it often takes years for husbands to reverse that process.
Here are a few ways that a husband can protect his wife emotionally:
Be sure that she knows that you have eyes for only her
Lead do not drive
As much as is possible, be financially stable
Be open to the idea that you may not have it all together (most women are not looking for perfection, only honesty)
Make sure she knows you want to be at home and with her (a good night out is a good night in)
Be honest (not even white lies, they do not exist)
Work at being a blessing to the family
Check Out Our Marriage Book
To learn How to Fight for Your Marriage Without Fighting with One Another, check out Dr. Raymond Force’s marriage book which gives couples a Biblical and refreshing approach to solving their marriage problems. Find out more about our marriage book.
How do you get your husband to treat you like a wife is supposed to be treated? I mean, I’ve tried everything except divorce and I don’t want that! His needs and wants always come first, they always have. He works, brings home a paycheck, but so do I. Other than that, he’s probably the laziest human being I’ve ever met! He’s literally let our house fall apart, he refuses to fix anything, he’s the exception. He gets mad and throws a fit if I try to talk to him about his role in our marriage. He says it’s his business, his life. He promises to do better, says he’s just lazy, but never follows through. Does God want a woman to live with a man that says he loves her but doesn’t do anything to prove it? Why should a woman have to pay for her husband’s short comings?! It’s a horrible life!
Sadly. You are not alone. The Good Lord and my 2 blessings are my strength each day as he chooses the computer over me and our family. After 9 years, I am trying to learn how to live with or without him. I have been praying many years for the strength , and I have taken the first step. My blessings and I.dont sit around at home anymore waiting for him to notice us like we used to. Good Luck, God Bless. And know that your feelings are validated and God is Good!!!!
You have to seek God for yourself with all your heart…not pointing at your husband for not doing this or that. Speak life over him and good things. But don’t give the devil ammo by talking about your husband. Call those things that are not as though they were.
One of the best replies ever! I will begin doing the 3rd part bcz as a pastor’s wife Ive been doing the first part and 2nd part of your response already. The 3rd part of your answer opened my eyes. Thank you, and I pray for all of the other wives, who have posted here and are in pain.
Tell it Karla! I have read alot of these stories saying I want my husband to do this or do that but what I’m rarely seeing is you looking at you first. Most men have been pushed away by their wives. Take a good look at yourselves then ask God how YOU can be a Godly wife! Ask God to show YOU how to love your husband in the way he needs you to love him. Take the first step towards God and God will shoe you the next step towards healing yourself and your marriage
What a damaging, destructive reply to women. You have no idea what someone has done to try to make things right before they have come to the end of their rope and cried out for help or a listening ear. You should be ashamed and repent for causing more pain to a sister in Christ.
Totally agree with you Melissa. These women are pouring their hearts out and all you can do is pile more guilt on? Ladies you are in a very tough situation. Pray for justice for you and wisdom in what to do.
Book praying for your husband
I would suggest reading the Boone Boundaries in marriage.
My first marriage was similar to what you describe here. The 1st 14 years of it we put each other through every conceivable hell. The second 14 years we became close and best friends, again. I learned to accept his short comings as he learned to accept mine as well. We were well on our way to growing old together and perfectly happy with that fact. He was a carpenter. I knew that he didn’t want to come home and work on our house after working on others all day everyday for 18 + years. I accepted it. We had a roof over our heads and a warm comfortable place to sleep. So much more than most of the population of this world. He spent more time with friends than family during our first years. I hated that. As I spoke sincere loving words at his friends funeral I relayed that their hanging out didn’t make me happy but I was glad they got to because now they are both gone. They both loved Jesus and fishing. I had the honor of caring for my late husband as he lived his last days. Something he was surprised at initially. I loved him I would do anything for him and caring for him as he lay dying was the very least I could do. His main and seemingly only concern during his battle was me. He wanted me to be ok. That is it. In the end he was as humble, beautiful, and selfless as anyone could ever hope to be. It is just better to accept the things we cannot change. The strife we cause ourselves because we want others to bend to what we deem acceptable can be completely avoided if we quiet ourselves and look within. I know I am far from perfect. So why would I expect it from anyone else? God put that man in my life. Giving up wasn’t an option for us. He studied when he was done working at the end of the day. Flowers, the Bible, the news. He was not lazy, he worked hard and needed to rest at the end of it. Maybe if you learn to not be so critical of him he will change. Maybe not. But I know that being told you’re less than usually magnifies the problem. May your marriage be counted as a blessing and may you recognize that the man you love and married is a blessing to you as well.
Beautiful story. Thank you. My husband and I have been going the sane from day one we reunited. We have been together for 8 years, married for 6. We both work full-time and maintain two houses now. I am a caregiver to my mom, who lives with us and he helps, and he is a caregiver to his aunt’s first husband, who he calls uncle. This is his 2nd marriage, my 1st. He has 2 older kids, and we have 1 together who is almost 3 years old.
We have struggled all these years in communication, finances, trust, honesty, his ex and kids and family. We still do but I have gotten better of letting go, not caring as much, and accepting. Still hard to accept his lies, putting others before me, selfishness, and not caring about hurting me to look good infront of others or placing blame on me.
Overall, he is a good person, wonderful dad, and has been there for me through health and heartsaches. He is not physically abusive and no longer drinks, goes to bars, parties, drugs or smokes. The lies are the hardest part for me. I dont understand the need. His secrets and hiding stuff from me, i dont understand. So…i accept it and harden my heart. I do not want a divorce nor live one day without my daughter, my only child i will ever have who lights up my life.
Don’t give up!
Wow. This sounds like my story. My husband died June 22. We would have been married 39 years July 16th which will be tomorrow. I am 59 years old and have been with him most of my life. we had a rocky start but became best friends. He to got cancer about a year and a half ago. I also cared for him during this time. In sickness and in health, till death do us part. He was also so unselfish, and worried about me and how I would be taken care of after he was gone. It takes a lot of work and prayers to get to where we were in the end but it’s so worth it. I miss him so much but am so thankful for the years God gave us together. Don’t give up on marriage, put God first, pray often, look over the little things and thank God you have him. Some people go through their whole life alone.
My husband loved to fsh and was a carpenter also.
Your post spoke loud to me.. Thank you for sharing .. God Blessed you.
I totally understand! If you find the answer…please tell me!
Ive only been married 6 months on the 9th and its been nothing but strife, even before marriage. Literally uo until ghe day of our wedfing fighting…i knew i shouldn’t have gotten married but we were already there famiky wete already there from out of town money spent. Now its hell. I tol feel like im just roommating with my husband. But at least if we were only roommates it would be easier to leave. And to top it all off ill be 6months pregnant in a week….go figure. I too am in a marriage where my husband thinks all he’s responsible to do is go to work And school and that’s his reslonsibility. While mines is to also work and do the same hours as he along with the same money but to also take care of the house cooking cleaning and children, i have a daughter and do does he who visits us from a diff state throughout the year. While also meeting his over sexualized needs and wants while being 6monyhs preg. My needs and wants are never met including in the bedroom. When I become emotionally let downn i become emotionally detached which means sex means absolutely nothing to me. I feel luke we are just existing in this marriage and its too early to be feeling like this. We were onky together 1.5 yrs before married. We use to have good times prior to marriage….i guess what they say about marriage changing things is right. We are also very disrespectful to each other during fights and even when not fighting…..i don’t want a divorce but i dont want to live like this forever i watched my mother do it for 27.years. This downfall is mutually both our faults….is it worth saving….should we just cut our losses now since its so early….or do we continue on…????
A close friend gave me excellent advice when I got married. The way you allow him to treat you the first year is the way he will treat you the rest of your marriage. My suggestion…find a counselor who is honest and validatin to you (they are few and far between). Let the counselor teach you to hold him accountable. If a counselor tells you to submit more, run and never go back. Marriage should be a team not a dictator and a doormat. Husband and wife should submit to each other. That is actually the way a Biblical marriage works.
I believe a time comes when we need to set our values and demand the price tag be met.
I have totally been in your shoes. As you are focused and devoted to god, your husband needa to reconnect!! A man of god would not neglect, especially knowingly.
From a husbands view point as the sinner against his wife and finally coming to my senses and turning that corner to Christ and to my partner, I recommend to all husbands who want to be in a true and complete relationship with both, to take these thoughts to heart and to read upon any and all books and ideas that teach and guide you to be true and pure.
Praise God!! My husband could use a friend/brother like this to encourage, edify, and rebuke him.
Have you considered starting/leading a men’s group? I’m certain there are many wives praying for a faithful obedient servant to reiterate, teach, show, and be an example of these biblical truths to their husbands.