I Peter 3:7 teaches that husbands are to honor their wives. What does this mean? How can a husband put this into practice? What are some practical ways that a husband can honor his wife? Here are a few pointers from Dr. Raymond Force, author of How to Fight for Your Marriage Without Fighting with One Another.
The Actual Verse
If you are not well acquainted with I Peter 3:7, here is the verse:
“Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.”
Before I Get Started
Before I give a few ways that a husband can honor his wife as I Peter 3:7 teaches, I have something to get off my chest. That is, this idea that the biblical model pushes women down is absolutely ridiculous. This notion has been purported by scripturally illiterate people that filter selected verses through their unbelief and misunderstanding of a holy and loving God.
In I Peter 3:7, we have yet another verse that teaches us that a biblical man does not use his position to push down his wife, but exalt her. In fact, if a man uses the Bible simply as a tool to control his wife, he is altogether unbiblical, and his spirit is contrary to the Spirit of Christ.
Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church. As a member of His bride, the church, I can truly say that I am exalted all the more for my submission to the greatest Servant, the Lord Jesus Christ (Philippians 2:5). In fact, sin simply brought me down, but Jesus Christ, the church’s groom, lifted me up.
In the same way, a biblical marriage does not bring women down as much as it exalts their powerful, yet beautiful influence in our lives. That is, the biblical model for marriage does not demean women, it exalts them, provides protection for them, and promotes an atmosphere for them to do what they do best, exercise their femininity.
How Can a Husband Show Honor to His Wife
Here are a few ways that a husband can show honor to his wife in accordance to I Peter 3:7:
By adding value to her life
First of all, notice that I used the word adding. That is, marriage is to be an add-on to what Christ is already doing in someone’s life.
In our marriage book, How to Fight for Your Marriage Without Fighting with One Another, I wrote:
“I deem marriage to be the icing on top of the cake. That is, matrimony is a fringe benefit to what the Lord has already done in our lives. Unfortunately, some men and women have little or no cake upon which that icing can rest. In cases as such, their mates often grow weary in their attempts at blessing them as, deep down, I believe they know they can never take the place of God in their lives.”
By taking interest in her interests
This is a part of our 2nd step. You may read more about this in our marriage book or our article called How Manure Saved My Marriage.
By not discounting her words in front of the children
Parents should always work at establishing what I call a united front before the children.
By not criticizing her ideas even though they differ from yours
By maintaining an awareness of her emotional needs
Just as Christ knows what we need before we even ask, I believe a godly husband will maintain an awareness of his wife’s state.
By considering her viewpoint instead of dismissing it
Most of the time, if I make a decision that my wife is not for, it ends up being a bad decision. The same Holy Spirit that leads me can lead her.
By not exposing her to emotional temptations
If at all possible, it is best for husbands to cover their wives so as to protect them from emotional storms that they should not have to handle. If a husband fails in this area, he will often end up with a wife that hardens her heart to the point where she finds it difficult to show softness. The end result is rarely pleasant, and it often takes years for husbands to reverse that process.
Here are a few ways that a husband can protect his wife emotionally:
Be sure that she knows that you have eyes for only her
Lead do not drive
As much as is possible, be financially stable
Be open to the idea that you may not have it all together (most women are not looking for perfection, only honesty)
Make sure she knows you want to be at home and with her (a good night out is a good night in)
Be honest (not even white lies, they do not exist)
Work at being a blessing to the family
Check Out Our Marriage Book
To learn How to Fight for Your Marriage Without Fighting with One Another, check out Dr. Raymond Force’s marriage book which gives couples a Biblical and refreshing approach to solving their marriage problems. Find out more about our marriage book.
When I meet my Creator face to face, I’m going to ask Him why is it always one person in the marriage pulling most of the weight? I’m always ready to get help, counseling, get in the word and prayer to grow and be a blessing in the marriage and my other half doesn’t do anything. He is so stagnant, passive in regards to life, un motivated and when I bring it up he’s so defensive. I’m tired of being the grown up and putting in all the work in our marriage, both emotionally and financially!
There has to be one person willing to really die to self and walk in love and trust God to work on your spouse ! I’ve been there and it truly works ! God bless!
I love this!
It’s not always one person pulling the weight. Marriage is supposed to be about both partners giving 100%.God didn’t create marriage to be the way you described it.
I am in a similar situation Riri. Not the financial part but I am the adult, the planner, the main parent to our teens, I bring up issues to solve and it only ends in a fight. Very frustrating indeed.
Same here
Frustrating indeed..
because you have to trust God to change him, nothing you do or say will do that. You have to pray for God to Change him or put the desire in his heart to do the work. This truely works.
Stop going to your husband with the problem… If you’ve already done that and it haven’t worked, then STOP. Pray for The Lord to start intervening and in the mean time, start blessing him… I was in a difficult marriage and really,,, he says to take the plank out our own eye first…. What is The Lord trying to teach YOU thru this?
Mia. Thank you for your words. They ring so true.
Using scripture to beat someone into change will result in the reverse outcome and this is not exclusive to me only as I am experiencing this from my wife. If you think scripture is there to correct someone for your benefit, you’ve missed the spirit of the letter or the heart of God. “You who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness”. Correction without a spirit of gentleness, meekness and selflessness will make things worse. Obviously, it is not the right spirit. Reading Mia’s, Karla’s and others’ posts were encouraging and I wish I saw that in my wife but my hope is in God.
I have read most of the posts here and see the great mountains before so many here. Those are very hard situations and I would not be so quick to provide glib responses such as bring him to church but I want to share some encouragement to pour out your soul to the Lord. He bids us to boldly come to His throne in the day of need. He can and wants to take that weight and pain. It may take repeated efforts but do it and do it in faith. He loves honest prayers. We also need to learn that we are part of a body which has many purposes. We are not meant to be alone in this journey or battle. Connect with the body so we can weep with them that weep and later rejoice with them that rejoice. In the multitude of counsel there is wisdom. We must bear one another’s burdens. The voice that discourages is not of God. It is flesh or the enemy. Speak to that mountain to be moved. Speak life into that situation & into that person. Pray things that they should be and encourage them with the same encouragement and mercy you receive from from God but If you’ve blown it with a bad witness, reset and start over.
Lord, bring deliverance and healing. Let your peace flood those who are troubled and bruised. Soften the hard hearts and protect those who have been hurt from bitterness. Devil you are a liar and you have no power over God’s people and the spouse is sanctified through their spouse. Jesus you alone are able. Cause us to see your great power and faithfulness. Pour out your presence on these hurting children in their darkness and cause them to experience your love and strength. We cannot, they cannot, you can. Our hope is in you!
much of the previous “what if’s” can ben answered by reading the entire chapter of 1 Peter 3. what if we lived a life where Christ were to shine through us on a daily basis–for all to see? not only would our family and friends be greatly impacted (even those with the hardest of hardened hearts), but I think we’d change our outlook as well.
where do I go to learn to live this kind of life?