I Peter 3:7 teaches that husbands are to honor their wives. What does this mean? How can a husband put this into practice? What are some practical ways that a husband can honor his wife? Here are a few pointers from Dr. Raymond Force, author of How to Fight for Your Marriage Without Fighting with One Another.
The Actual Verse
If you are not well acquainted with I Peter 3:7, here is the verse:
“Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.”
Before I Get Started
Before I give a few ways that a husband can honor his wife as I Peter 3:7 teaches, I have something to get off my chest. That is, this idea that the biblical model pushes women down is absolutely ridiculous. This notion has been purported by scripturally illiterate people that filter selected verses through their unbelief and misunderstanding of a holy and loving God.
In I Peter 3:7, we have yet another verse that teaches us that a biblical man does not use his position to push down his wife, but exalt her. In fact, if a man uses the Bible simply as a tool to control his wife, he is altogether unbiblical, and his spirit is contrary to the Spirit of Christ.
Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church. As a member of His bride, the church, I can truly say that I am exalted all the more for my submission to the greatest Servant, the Lord Jesus Christ (Philippians 2:5). In fact, sin simply brought me down, but Jesus Christ, the church’s groom, lifted me up.
In the same way, a biblical marriage does not bring women down as much as it exalts their powerful, yet beautiful influence in our lives. That is, the biblical model for marriage does not demean women, it exalts them, provides protection for them, and promotes an atmosphere for them to do what they do best, exercise their femininity.
How Can a Husband Show Honor to His Wife
Here are a few ways that a husband can show honor to his wife in accordance to I Peter 3:7:
By adding value to her life
First of all, notice that I used the word adding. That is, marriage is to be an add-on to what Christ is already doing in someone’s life.
In our marriage book, How to Fight for Your Marriage Without Fighting with One Another, I wrote:
“I deem marriage to be the icing on top of the cake. That is, matrimony is a fringe benefit to what the Lord has already done in our lives. Unfortunately, some men and women have little or no cake upon which that icing can rest. In cases as such, their mates often grow weary in their attempts at blessing them as, deep down, I believe they know they can never take the place of God in their lives.”
By taking interest in her interests
This is a part of our 2nd step. You may read more about this in our marriage book or our article called How Manure Saved My Marriage.
By not discounting her words in front of the children
Parents should always work at establishing what I call a united front before the children.
By not criticizing her ideas even though they differ from yours
By maintaining an awareness of her emotional needs
Just as Christ knows what we need before we even ask, I believe a godly husband will maintain an awareness of his wife’s state.
By considering her viewpoint instead of dismissing it
Most of the time, if I make a decision that my wife is not for, it ends up being a bad decision. The same Holy Spirit that leads me can lead her.
By not exposing her to emotional temptations
If at all possible, it is best for husbands to cover their wives so as to protect them from emotional storms that they should not have to handle. If a husband fails in this area, he will often end up with a wife that hardens her heart to the point where she finds it difficult to show softness. The end result is rarely pleasant, and it often takes years for husbands to reverse that process.
Here are a few ways that a husband can protect his wife emotionally:
Be sure that she knows that you have eyes for only her
Lead do not drive
As much as is possible, be financially stable
Be open to the idea that you may not have it all together (most women are not looking for perfection, only honesty)
Make sure she knows you want to be at home and with her (a good night out is a good night in)
Be honest (not even white lies, they do not exist)
Work at being a blessing to the family
Check Out Our Marriage Book
To learn How to Fight for Your Marriage Without Fighting with One Another, check out Dr. Raymond Force’s marriage book which gives couples a Biblical and refreshing approach to solving their marriage problems. Find out more about our marriage book.
My husband is such a good man to his family…. his parents and children have always been first in his life. I have spent many years being so jealous and envious of them. I never get emotional support, when our kids were born he shifted his love from me to them,when I tried to talk to him he would say that when they were grown and gone we could focus on us… and recently my husband told me id never be his priority. I believe him. It’s very hard to accept but it’s my reality.
Pray and bring him to church.
I live this every day I am not his priority, his mother and his family come first and they do not respect the fact that I am his wife, I should come first.
I’m with you. His parents say horrible things about me because I won’t back to them. It’s pretty dysfunctional. I just wanted to be honored for who I am. So hurtful and frustrating.
I understand this, I live it every day, his mother comes first and our son and myself come second, I hate him, and it has come to that point in my life.
How to you fight for your marriage without fighting with one another when your husband is sexually addicted and an alcoholic?
Keep praying for your husband it’s not him it’s the spirit that’s in him ask God to deliver him from his lustful spirit in alcohol
If you can, separate from him. ( I didn’t say divorce.) And let him know you won’t tolerate that behavior. Your healing will start to begin and he will have to face his own behavior. And yes, by all means pray for him!
I’m so sorry you’re going through this, it’s extremely hard to deal, cope, and trust God has a plan in it. My husband is the same except, he’s an addict to the 3rd power- (porn, drugs, dishonesty and some alcohol). Trust is not even a word our marriage known to me.
I pray so much and ask God for healing over his addictions and also over my resentment.
(((hug)))
I know this feeling all too well having dealt with a sex adficted( porn, affairs) and alcoholic husband. Resentment to the nth degree.
You can leave a husband who has had an affair and been unfaithful, it may be the only way to really heal
Pray boldly before the throne of
God to be filled with perfect love for your broken partner. We were never going to get a perfect partner and certain sins have more difficult and painful impacts on us as a spouse. Yours is no easy task. The only way I have seen these situations work out is to make sure we are filled with perfect love the only way to get that is directly from God. We then pour it out on our spouse daily. Forgive them daily, even if it’s minute by minute and keep pouring out the love. Smother them in it. Love your spouse as though they were perfect much like when you first fell in love, this is how God himself loves us. Thank your husband every time he takes out the trash. When he leaves for work thank him for giving his day to the support of the family and you and tell him what it means to you. When he compliments anything thank him and tell him how that makes you feel. If he opens a door for you say it makes you feel lucky to have a man who loves you enough to open doors, thank you for being so thoughtful. If he agrees with your opininion tell him it feels wonderful have your opinion respected, thank you for honoring me as your wife. Every single thing he does tell him one positive thing about how it makes you feel and thank him. I have seen men respond to this. Go out of your way to do loving things for him. Bring him his plate, a drink. And kiss him on the cheek. Rub his shoulders. Do all the things you would do as if you had just fallen in love with him and cherished your time together. People mirror behaviors. That’s your first step. And he’s learned a new way to accept how you communicate by saying when you do this it makes me feel like this. Then after a good long time when you are both treating each other more lovingly and the marriage is filled with love you can say, when you drink, it makes me feel scared. You can drop it at that. This is not an argument, this is you not being right. This is you letting your partner know how you feel. He is less likely to become defensive. If he does become defensive tell him I didn’t tell you so that we would fight I told you because your my friend and I love you. Tell him you know he’s not perfect just as he knows your not but that you have decided to love him as though he is and if he were to be perfect tomorrow you could not love him any more than you do today. Once you are able to drop lines about the things that are hurting you and start getting any kind of acceptance, any kind of respect for your position in these harms, that he is willing to acknowledge these things are hurting you and his responsibility to stop or change. Then you can have real adult discussions about how he can stop hurting you and does to have a right to hurt you. My husband gave up his very similar and or exact things you are talking about, I do not know who can see this. When I did these things. I did not attack him but appealed to his love for me and his desire to protect me from harm, that which he is hard wired for. He wasn’t making me angry he was hurting me, anger is a second hand emotion that comes from used up pain or used up fear of pain and in intimate relations has no place. I once asked him if I had pictures of men and I was looking at their bodies and comparing their six pack abs to his, or that square jawline to his, or the size of the man in a pictures penis and then imagine what sex was like with the man in the picture and got sexually excited for another man, a man I’d been comparing to him how would that make him feel. You should have seen the look on his face. It takes for ever to have communication where your husband trusts you not to attack him with accusations, assumptions, where it’s not about being angry, or being right, it’s not any good to make him defensive, you can’t work with a defensive man, he has to trust in that love and that your not on an attack your just talking with the person you love most, the person you need most, the person you trust most with the things that you can only talk about with your best friend. We are still working on the drinking but we want from a liter of bourbon almost every night to a pint or less every Friday night. He is Dr Jekyll, mr Hyde drunk and the reduction saved our marriage as much as me learning to fill our relationship with love and trust and gentle communication. He’s a hard core alcoholic and may never quit but 6 days a week it’s doable and one day a week I forgive. He never was going to be perfect.
I love you. This is it right here. We have to be a soft place to land. A man needs this as much as a woman needs the strength and protection of her man. God Bless you for sharing your insightfulness. Praying for God’s perfect love.
My heart goes out to you! I’ve been there and unfortunately it’s more common then people realize. Sex addiction is a serious issue in today’s world as porn has ruined what is sacred in marriages. Our society has become numb to inappropriate sexual content that it has now become acceptable and normal. It’s extremely sad. My advice to you is seek God. Ultimately God wants a relationship with you and it’s when we hit bottom that we finally look up. Live your life and let your husband make the decision to be part of it or not. You can’t change him or control him. That’s the hardest thing to accept. Trust in God and seek Him with all your heart, all your mind and all your soul. He in the calm in the midst of the storm and it’s when you seek Him with everything that you are able to hear his voice, know it’s him and what he is telling you to do. Prayers sent your way!