I am finding an increasing amount of men that are just plain mad. They are mad about their marriage, the treatment they receive from their wives, and what they view to be an uneven playing field when it comes to marriage.
Below are few reasons why I believe this to be occurring.
Some Men Have Fallen Into A Pit of Their Own Making
Mankind in general is prone to sabotaging his own own success and then loathing the negative repercussions that follow. Here are a few verses from Proverbs that undergird this thought:
Proverbs 26:27 – “Whoso diggeth a pit shall fall therein: and he that rolleth a stone, it will return upon him.”
Proverbs 11:17 – “The merciful man doeth good to his own soul: but he that is cruel troubleth his own flesh.”
From my experience of dealing with men, many a man has dug a pit of anger, bitterness, and laziness only to end up falling in himself. He often does this by:
Failing To Lead His Family Toward The Light
If a man is not leading his family toward the Light, darkness will prevail in his marriage. It is that simple. Though his accusations will be hurled at the disrespect he is receiving from his family, many times, the darkness of disrespect is only present as a result of his leadership away from the Light of God’s Word.
Being Loose With His Words
A man’s words are like a boomerang. What he gives out will always find a way of coming back to him.
Failing To Protect The 3 Parts Of His Household
Marriage is more than a paycheck. A husband should be looking out for the physical, emotional, and spiritual needs of his family. If he is not loving his family in these three areas, negative repercussions will follow, and his temptation will be to get mad at the trouble that his lack of care in all three of these areas has caused. We deal with this in chapter 8 of our marriage book, How to Fight for Your Marriage Without Fighting With One Another.
Some Men Are Still Carrying An Emotional Debt of Sorts
Many wives are still paying off the emotional debts that wayward fathers and bitter mothers charged to their spouse. However, it should be noted that this is why we teach that a happy marriage is comprised of happy spouses. That is, I like to say that my wife and I do not have a great marriage because we have one another, we have a great marriage because we are filled with God’s love and joy before we even see one another.
We often say that people have a God-shaped vacuum, but they also have what I call a Dad-shaped vacuum. That is, many men go through life trying to get out of others what they never received from their dads and moms. Thankfully, God is a father to the fatherless (Psalm 68:5), and only He can succeed where our earthly parents failed.
A wife cannot fix what others have broke. Only God is able to do that. Although her love can help to display what I call God’s love with skin on it, ultimately, God has to do the fixing.
Some Men are Dealing with Relational Injustices
Many men complain to me that they feel there is an unequal playing field when it comes to marriage. Some even feel that an unbalanced emphasis on Ephesians 5:25 without mentioning Ephesians 5:24 is almost empowering women to withhold their love and affection toward their husbands.
I deal with this aspect in our marriage book, How to Fight for Your Marriage Without Fighting with One Another, as I wrote:
“Throughout time, women have been tempted to withhold their love and affection toward their husbands because they fail to measure up to their expectations. A woman that has given in to this temptation must realize that when she holds back from loving her husband because he doesn’t meet her standards, she is simply holding her love as a ransom until he comes up with the appropriate payment. This is actually a form of manipulation.”
For Individual Study Or Use As A Couples Devotional
Our marriage book, How to Fight For Your Marriage Without Fighting With One Another, has been designed for individual study as well as a couples devotional. With thought provoking questions at the end of each chapter, couples find our book a helpful resource to encourage healthy, forward-thinking conversation. For ordering information, visit our online resource center.
Prefer listening rather than reading? Check out our audio book or listen to a live recording of one of our How to Fight for Your Marriage – Marriage Conferences. These are great options for the non-reader in your life.
Oops! Almost forgot. There is a that Amazon option also available to you.
Interesting enough is that this article as most articles written by men do boil it down to women withholding “love and arrection” Ie sex. It always boils down to ..no matter how crappy a man’s behavior you should still submit sex to him.
At what Point do we stop blaming men’s behavior on their penis? At what point to we admit that women so NOT like to be emotionally abandoned in every other aspect of their marriage except PHYSICALLY in the bedroom
I would contend that any man truly LOVING his wife doesn’t do so just to get sex. No woman likes to feel like they have to have sex with a man to get him to do the right thing or be nice to her. That kind of behavior and expectation does nothing but ensure the wife feels like nothing more than a whore who has to Dole out sexual favors in order for her man to do the right thing.
This is cyclical bad behavior that perpetually leaves many wives feeling cheap and worth nothing more than what she offers in the bedroom.
Maybe if men start being decent, respectful and responsible human beings outside the bedroom then women will be more responsive and willing INSIDE the bedroom
Amen, amen, amen! Women are responders; God made us that way. And He was the one who told husbands to AGAPE their wives. The unconditional is inherent in the definition of the word. Love is giving and sacrifice, whether you are getting all the sex you want or not. There are so many women who are dealing with “put out because I pay the bills!” without getting any of the love and security they need. It is a demand with a threat (spoken or unspoken): have sex with me or I will not pay the bills; keep it up, I will leave you. That isn’t just a lack of love; it is abuse! My husband constantly threatened divorce, almost since the day we got married if, when he said jump I didn’t say how high, even when I got very sick while pregnant with our youngest child. And then when things didn’t go his way in the legal case he dragged all of us through due to his undisclosed abusive past, and when I wasn’t getting better, he filed for divorce, trying his best to leave me and our children as destitute as possible. This is heinous behavior, and any man who does this has NO RIGHT to his wife’s body.
Wow!!! So this selfish & abusive behavior is more common than I thought??? He may not hit me, but I know it’s abusive. It almost seems as if someone peeked into my life. I’m drowning in despair, dying while trying to live.
amen
Amen
I could have written that!!
I agree with you on this. It is hard when you keep trying, and never get the emotional needs met afterwards. It leaves you feeling very used and not loved.
Amen! I couldn’t have said it better. How can women be expected to submit in the bedroom when we are made to feel insignificant in other areas? I think the last paragraph of this article totally nullifies the point of the previous text. It’s hard to be sexy when you don’t feel valued!
You are so right!!!
Absolutely agree!!! Amen
I absolutely believe the Bible’s word and that the man is given the responsibility and charge over his family to lead and be an example that God expects. I to go through extremely feeling overwhelmed and hopeless because my husband is not the leader. He demands respect yet has absolutely no evidence of God in his life. It’s 1st Peter 3 is how I’m supposed to be well then I guess I fall short because not saying anything and winning somebody over without a word it’s really not my style. I’m not saying that I’m right I’m just saying that I cannot sit by and watch my whole life be destroyed and my two children and because somebody else doesn’t want to do their part. I absolutely believe in tough love because Jesus ask the man at that couldnt walk”did he want to get well”?? You see Jesus gives us the choice of what we want.. what we decide is what we will live with. So if somebody does not want to do their part leading they will reap what they sow.
That passage doesn’t say win them without a word, but that when they see the relationship with your heavenly Father, because if they are not following and might not even know what the Word says, that they may see the error of their ways. Essentially this passage is a practice of allowing the love you received and continue to receive with fellowship with God in Word and prayer, be shared with others. This goes for not only your husband in an unequally yoked marriage but for any unbeliever that may have friendship with you or need of mentoring.
NOT ALWAYS MANIPULATION, AT SOME POINT IT HAS TO BE SELF PRESERVATION. NOT A GODLY PRINCIPAL, UNFORTUNATELY THE PAIN GETS TO BE TO MUCH…EMOTIONAL BANKRUPTCY!
Amen