Do You Have a Sex Starved Marriage?
Having a sex starved marriage can be an extremely difficult situation for a number of reasons. A sex starved marriage can lead to sexual temptation (I Corinthians 7:5), feelings of abandonment, feeling of insecurity, a low self worth, or feelings of inadequacy.
Paul addressed this issue in I Corinthians 7 as he wrote the following in verses 2 thru 5:
2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
3 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.
4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.
5 Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
Why Some have a Sex Starved Marriage?
It should be understood that there are often a variety of reasons as to why some couples have a sex starved marriage. However, here are a few to consider:
1. Sex is to be a physical expression of what has been going on all day long between a man and a woman. If they have not been connecting on a mental, emotional, and a spiritual level, it makes it all the more difficult for them to gel on a physical level.
2. Tiredness can take a woman out of the picture quicker than anything. Though this can also affect a man, it should be noted that when a woman is tired, it is rather difficult for her to excel in the area of physical intimacy.
3. When a woman is having a baby or nursing, she can also experience a change in her libido. It is at these times that couples should be sure to communicate their feelings and adjust their expectations to reasonable levels.
4. If one or both participants are participating in pornography, self-pleasing, or any type of illicit behavior, there will, many times, be a change in how sex is enjoyed between a husband and wife. Couples should be sure to abide by the following rule in order to keep their marriage pure from such obstacles: no secrets from one another.
5. Busyness is another culprit to having a sex starved marriage. In other posts and articles we deal with how to keep sex alive in spite of having a busy schedule.
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We do not have any intimate relations … We are at a terrible place in our marriage . We do not hug, hold hands, ect. He has cheated several times in our marriage . Through alcohol, other women, just even chasing after other women, flirting ….he has been abusive both physically and verbally. The physical abuse has stopped and the verbal is not as bad as it used to be . His health is not at the best . He is over weight , and has high blood pressure. We have been married for 34 years . As I look back I realized our marriage did not start our built on Christian values but selfish desires. We have grandchildren. I feel like I have done ALL the work in this marriage. Financial, emotional, spiritual, I can see at times I have been mothering, controlling, but it feels like his anger has ruled for a very long time .
My husband send Rio have a high desire for sex. I can’t keep up with him. It had gotten so tiresome for me that I just turn over and let him have it, almost like a pacifier. I am pacifying his desire, but I have no interest. I watch tv, surf the net while **********. Is this healthy for us? I know he sometimes resorts to pornography too. He had admitted it to me, but said he’s not doing it now, even though I’ve seen it on his tablet’s browsing history. I am frustrated and am turned off by him. Please help me.
Though there is no quick answer to this issue, here are a few points to consider:
1. There is no excuse for the pornography. In fact, the scriptures tell us that when a person is tempted, they are drawn away by their own lust (James 1:14). Therefore, the ultimate problem is within himself. Though I Corinthians 7 tells us that a lack of intimacy will provide greater temptation, the ultimate problem is within the heart of your husband.
2. I would recommend that the both of you read our marriage book. It may be ordered at:
https://hittinghomeordermaterials.com/storefront/ols/products/paperback-book-how-to-fight-for-your-marriage-without-fighting-with-one-another
3. Though there are many other areas that should be addressed, you both may want to consider the tip in this article dealing with the marriage bed. It may provide some immediate help as you both seem to have a different level of intensity when it comes to the marriage bed:
https://hittinghomeministry.com/scheduling-sex-marriage-tip/
4. I would recommend that the both of you receive personalized care in your area. I do not believe that you will figure this out without some ongoing help.
Thank you,
Dr. Force
Will be praying for you and your husband. Pornography is an addiction and I believe that no matter how many times a wife has intimacy w/her husband, unless they are both receiving professional help, the addiction does not go away. It creates a wedge in the marriage because pornography use causes a huge breakdown in trust. It is adultary…a man lusting after another woman. Sadly, our society does not acknowledge this for what God tells us it is, but condones this behavior. I had this very difficult struggle in my marriage 2 years ago and through professional counseling and prayers of many friends and family members, we continue to fight for our marriage. It is not easy, but possible, because everything is possible with God’s grace!