For men, romance starts in the eyes and then has a way of moving to the rest of the body. For women, things are a little different as romance starts in the mind, and, after that, she can make her eyes work from there.
Even at an early age, women start to get an idea of what they want their man, their marriage, and, consequently, their life to be. When these fail to measure up to their expectations, women are tempted to make what I call the mistake of mistakes by becoming a negative wife.
Most women do not marry the man they have as much as the man they want or expect him to be. When these two do not agree, many of these same women are tempted to try to bring about change or defend their cause by picking up what I call the sword of negativity.
The first step that we walk ladies through is rather simple: lay down your swords of anger, resentment, coldness, and hostility and start using Biblical weaponry.
The Foolish Woman
Women sometimes find lousy ways to promote change or defend themselves in a marriage. To be honest, and I say this as supportively as possible, some women are downright foolish in how they choose to fight for their marriage.
It is understood as to why some women feel hurt, betrayed, and devalued. But, in a difficult marriage, acting according to these very same feelings will only serve to drive away any hope of success. Rest assured, becoming a negative wife will yield few positive results.
Proverbs 14:1 says:
“Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.”.
The tricky aspect of applying this verse is that most women do not consciously set out to destroy their homes and act in a foolish manner. If the truth be told, very few women leave the wedding altar with a motive to make decisions that are detrimental to their marriage. Nor, do many set out to be a negative wife. But, I have found that where women err is not how they cause dysfunction as much as how they react to it.
A woman’s response to a dysfunctional man or marriage is usually the dividing line between a wise and a foolish woman. It is there that she will prove the depth of her wisdom or the lack thereof.
We are Responsible for How we React to the Negative Behavior of Others
The scriptures indicate that we are just as responsible for how we react to the negative behavior of others as they are for instigating problems in the first place. This is evident in I Thessalonians 5:15 as Paul says:
“See that none render evil for evil unto any man; but ever follow that which is good, both among yourselves, and to all men.”
In I Peter 3:9, after Peter finished dealing with the subject of marriage, he states:
“Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but contrariwise blessing; knowing that ye are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a blessing.”
A foolish woman may be right in her assessment of her husband’s faults and failures, but she is often unwise in how she responds to them. She fails to see that her negative reactions to his negative behavior are just as unbiblical and selfish in nature as his actions. She also fails to see how ineffective her emotional responses prove to be.
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Way to go! Yet again the victim is blamed for the dysfunction. I realize the wife is not always the victim but by and large she is. You blame the victim for standing up for herself. Sometimes hard things have to be said. Sometimes the wife has to be the one to say them. You mention specificately people in a dysfuntional marriage. Anyone in a dysfunctional marriage must respond firmly sometimes and not take abuse. All this article does is heap more shame and blame on victims
How about telling women to be strong and stand up for themselves. How about telling abuse victims to not stay in their dysfunctional (abusive ) marriage. How about telling women that the answer is not to submit more and their husband will stop. Oops! Of course that would take all the power from the men. Then the church would have to start teaching equality in marriage. Wouldn’t want that now!
I tried the quiet, submissive role when my husband was treating me badly. All he did was get worse. He derived power from my meekness. Not until I told him I would not continue to live that way did he begin to soften and try harder to be kinder.
No one should sacrifice themselves on the altar of marriage. This is a useful article in dealing with emotions, but certainly it should be communicated that no one is obligated to remain in marriages where love and respect are not mutual.