It is more than common for men to read an excerpt from my marriage book, How to Fight for Your Marriage Without Fighting With One Another, or one of our blog posts and reply with statements as such:
“Just remember, It goes both ways.”
“Why are most of the marriage books about the men?”
“Why are most of your articles about the men?”
“The woman has responsibilities too.”
“This seems one-sided. How come the men are always the problem?”
“It takes two to tango.”
Though I certainly understand that women are responsible for their own actions, I am a little tired of the whining I hear from men on this issue. Let me give you a few sage reasons as to why.
In most cases, women are bitter as a result of a man that has failed in some form or fashion.
I once heard Frank Pardue say that behind every bitter woman is a man that has failed to do his job. Though I must say there are probably a few exceptions to this rule, keep in mind that the exception typically proves the rule. And, I would have to say that, from experience, I am in 99.9% agreement with his statement. The man may be a father, sibling, boyfriend, or husband. But, in most cases, I would have to agree with the generalization.
Women are Responders
No matter how hard a woman tries to throw off age-old norms, women live responsively to men. In fact, even the woman that runs ever so hard away from the influence of a man is still being influenced by . . . well . . . a man.
I would wager a million dollars that if men at large did not care for immodest clothing, women would stay away from wearing it. If men detested promiscuous behavior, generally speaking, most women would probably follow suit.
One of the greatest areas of sexual trafficking is not just over the borders of America and Mexico but on the screens of Hollywood movies and music videos. Consequently, our ladies feel the need to be less and less lady-like as there is almost always a gawking male ready to drop the black rose petals of praise in her path. As long as this occurs, women in our society will continue to feel the need to sell their honor for the morsels of attention they receive.
This Puts the Onus on Men Not Women
Women are always a byproduct of the men in a society. In fact, if one reads Isaiah 3, they will see that once the mighty man is taken away, negative repercussions are soon to follow with the women and children.
I certainly understand that women have their role to play in the marriage, but ultimately, I’m a little done with the whining from men. If men want the benefits of leadership, then they will also have to embrace the responsibilities that come with the package.
Corporately, I believe that men in America should repent and take ownership of the problems in our society, especially with women. Honestly, if we would act like men, that is, Biblical men, then I believe much good would follow.
Ordering Our Marriage Book
For ordering information about our marriage book, How to Fight for Your Marriage Without Fighting With One Another, be sure to visit our online store.
- Learn about our proven, 2-step process
- Designed as a couples devotional
- Use in a group study
- A biblical and refreshing approach
I found out about six months ago that my husband has been having an affair. It was physical for a year, but emotional for maybe 3-4 years before that.
I can see now that our relationship was struggling, but honestly, I thought this was just the phase of life we were in. I am a teacher, we have two elementary age kids, life is busy and often frustrating. My husband has said several times that he is not “to blame” for our marriage falling apart. While I fully understand that I also had a role in our struggle, I am overwhelmed by his inability to accept responsibility for his role in this.
We tried to work things out, but after four months, he left and said that he “wished he wanted to try, but didn’t” and he “would never forget the things he said to her and neither would I”. He left me, his two sons, his friends, his life.
I have been incredibly disappointed by the male leadership in our church. My husband was the head of the deacons. One man in our church reached out to him after all of this came to light. He had one Christian man who came to him to pray with him and talk to him. I’m not sure it would have made a difference, but I wish they had tried. If not for our marriage, for his soul.
Now, I find myself moving forward. I’m going to do my best to raise my two boys with integrity and a love for God.
If I ever marry again, I will be seeking a Godly man. I will be seeking a man who isn’t afraid to be proactive. I will be seeking a man who accepts his role as head of the household and is committed to setting a good example.
From my incredibly jaded perspective right now, I definitely see a lack of male leadership in our society.
Hello, I love the article. I have seen this played out in my relationship with my wife.
My wife is an amazing person but the choices I have made in our marriage has caused her to change the way she thinks and how she reacts to things in our marriage.
Honestly I see that most men have what I call the “Adam Problem”, “if it wasn’t for the woman you gave me.”
For the last 11 years I have passed the puck on my wife saying if you weren’t treating me like this, if you weren’t doing that, and so on. But what you have to look at is what was I doing, there is a reason she is doing that. There is a reason she is yelling at you, there is a reason she is giving you the cold shoulder at night.
Once you stop having self pity and start caring for her needs and not your own. Your needs will be met. Not saying to do these things because this will happen because to tell you the truth you won’t do it for long. But do it because you love your wife.
Thank you for this post and I look forward to reading more.