Why Men are Mad, Ephesians 5:24 and Proverbs 11:17

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I am finding an increasing amount of men that are just plain mad. They are mad about their marriage, the treatment they receive from their wives, and what they view to be an uneven playing field when it comes to marriage.

Below are few reasons why I believe this to be occurring.

 
why men are mad
 

Some Men Have Fallen Into A Pit of Their Own Making

 

Mankind in general is prone to sabotaging his own own success and then loathing the negative repercussions that follow. Here are a few verses from Proverbs that undergird this thought:

 

Proverbs 26:27 – “Whoso diggeth a pit shall fall therein: and he that rolleth a stone, it will return upon him.”

 

Proverbs 11:17 – “The merciful man doeth good to his own soul: but he that is cruel troubleth his own flesh.”

 

From my experience of dealing with men, many a man has dug a pit of anger, bitterness, and laziness only to end up falling in himself. He often does this by:

 

Failing To Lead His Family Toward The Light

 

If a man is not leading his family toward the Light, darkness will prevail in his marriage. It is that simple. Though his accusations will be hurled at the disrespect he is receiving from his family, many times, the darkness of disrespect is only present as a result of his leadership away from the Light of God’s Word.

 

Being Loose With His Words

 

A man’s words are like a boomerang. What he gives out will always find a way of coming back to him.

 

Failing To Protect The 3 Parts Of His Household

 

Marriage is more than a paycheck. A husband should be looking out for the physical, emotional, and spiritual needs of his family. If he is not loving his family in these three areas, negative repercussions will follow, and his temptation will be to get mad at the trouble that his lack of care in all three of these areas has caused. We deal with this in chapter 8 of our marriage book, How to Fight for Your Marriage Without Fighting With One Another.

 

Some Men Are Still Carrying An Emotional Debt of Sorts

 

Many wives are still paying off the emotional debts that wayward fathers and bitter mothers charged to their spouse. However, it should be noted that this is why we teach that a happy marriage is comprised of happy spouses. That is, I like to say that my wife and I do not have a great marriage because we have one another, we have a great marriage because we are filled with God’s love and joy before we even see one another.

We often say that people have a God-shaped vacuum, but they also have what I call a Dad-shaped vacuum. That is, many men go through life trying to get out of others what they never received from their dads and moms. Thankfully, God is a father to the fatherless (Psalm 68:5), and only He can succeed where our earthly parents failed.

A wife cannot fix what others have broke. Only God is able to do that. Although her love can help to display what I call God’s love with skin on it, ultimately, God has to do the fixing.

 

Some Men are Dealing with Relational Injustices

 

Many men complain to me that they feel there is an unequal playing field when it comes to marriage. Some even feel that an unbalanced emphasis on Ephesians 5:25 without mentioning Ephesians 5:24 is almost empowering women to withhold their love and affection toward their husbands.

I deal with this aspect in our marriage book, How to Fight for Your Marriage Without Fighting with One Another, as I wrote:

 

“Throughout time, women have been tempted to withhold their love and affection toward their husbands because they fail to measure up to their expectations. A woman that has given in to this temptation must realize that when she holds back from loving her husband because he doesn’t meet her standards, she is simply holding her love as a ransom until he comes up with the appropriate payment. This is actually a form of manipulation.”

 

For ordering information of our marriage book, How to Fight for Your Marriage Without Fighting With One Another, be sure to visit our online store. Our marriage book is available in paperback or Kindle format.

Order our Christian Marriage Book
How to Fight for Your Marriage Without Fighting with One Another

 

  • Learn our 2-step Process to Solving Marriage Issues
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Posted in Issues Relating to Husbands

89 comments on “Why Men are Mad, Ephesians 5:24 and Proverbs 11:17
  1. abby says:

    You say withholding from your husband is a form of manipulation since when they finally exhibit certain behavior then the wife will give affection or respect. I am not sure if it is,always manipulation when giving and being available to someone who is unavailable and not a safe place is so extremely painful. It becomes too painful to give out of such a place of emptiness, pain, and aloneNess. That is not so much manipulation as it is a protecting and guarding against more pain.

  2. Anonymous R says:

    I deal with my husband not standing up to his family. I have to deal with my mother in law in our marriage! The Bible says cleave and leave but it does not seem like my husband will leave. His phone account is on the line with his mother and sister tell me why? It should not be like that we or married if anything me and him should have a line together! His sister comes over literally everyday so and he will not stand up to tell her to stop I have to be the one to say I don’t feel like company. I should not have to the first day we got married his sister came over she stays the night sometimes why when she have her own apartment! I believe in common sense and if you know someone is married you can’t do some things but my husband and his family apparently don’t believe in that! His sister does not have a job but she has an apartment and she does not know how to cook and she is older than me she is 22 I am 21 their mom give us groceries and they say it’s a blessing but no how is it a blessing when you expect something in return she give us groceries so I can cook for them no!!! The only person I need to be cooking for is my husband it’s not my fault she didn’t teach her daughter how to cook. I tell my husband I am not being mean but why your mom giving us groceries she need to be the one giving it to the sister since obviously she depends on us to feed her! And when I do cook his sister never cleans or help wash dishes like that stuff is common sense she is no longer a guest because she comes over everyday! But my husband always take up for his family and tell me that I’m wrong and that it’s not of God!! I just don’t know what more I can do it’s like I’m so lonely I don’t have a husband he never takes up for me or understand me and it’s like I have no one because him and his family is against me because I don’t believe in what they believe in such as these things I typed! And it has got to the point that I don’t even visit his family because what’s the point of being fake and he gets mad because I don’t I just need time until they back off out of our marriage respect my feelings and my marriage then I will! But I don’t know what to do all I do is pray but it’s like it gets worse he call me weak for crying trying to express my feelings to him of how I feel and saying it’s not going to work out all because i don’t want to visit his people but at the same time he don’t visit mines I am on the verge of divorce and I am trying to fix it because I really hate to go through humility and shame from a divorce that could of been resolved if his people just stay in their place of our marriage! And we are all saved so the word of God will make it easier for us all to understand right from wrong. I feel like they are doing me wrong

  3. Sdrf says:

    The man is NOT the spiritual head of the wife. Christ is. Otherwise unmarried women or women with an unsaved husband have no spiritual head. Any saved woman is a part of the body of Christ, add scripture is clear that the head of the body is Christ. The husband is the head of the home, but we are each told to work out our own salvation with fear and trembling. Making the husband the spiritual head leaves the man trying to do a job only God can do and leaves the wife headless. Please get and read ‘The Woman Question’ by Kenneth E. Having.

  4. Christy says:

    I would like to tell women that they should lead themselves to the light. Be strong, be educated, have your own career, property, “thing.” If you wait for a man to lead you, well then you get what you deserve – that is led around (like cattle, which is where the word “chattel property” finds a common origin). I am not a rampaging feminist who hates men either, but I am most definitely a feminist as was the writer of Proverbs 31, which I like to refer to as the Proverb of the Understanding Husband Who is Not Threatened by a Competent Woman and Also Secure in His Masculinity. Once a woman understands her own identity and realizes she can be complete in God by cultivating a relationship with Him HERSELF and not through another man, or church, or Bible study, she won’t be NEEDY. A needy person, no matter the gender, is a suck-hole of despair, and will not bring anything to the table in order to formulate a harmonious relationship. Needy women attract one kind of man – the kind who is weak, passive-aggressive, and sometimes physically violent. So women, find and be yourselves in Jesus. Don’t let anyone try to manipulate or intimidate you out of being assertive and capable either. Seek God and be fulfilled in Him, and you will not only find the right guy, you will always find the right people too! Don’t do these things for a man either; do it for yourselves!

    • Jamy says:

      There’s away that seams right unto to man that’s leads to death. God is a God of order. We are to follow Him in every way. The answer is to keep praying and letting Him lead and be our Savior. Trust in Him with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding in all thy ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path.

  5. Confused - Saved - 28 Years Married - Lost Husband - Seperated from wife says:

    Can you please tell me what a spiritual leader looks like?
    Please give me details…

  6. Anonymous says:

    So, if a woman can not physically surrender herself because her husband “does not meet her standards” she is manipulative? What about when her standards are simply to be treated with respect and compassion and not be verbally abused because her husband blows up over minuscule “offenses”? Why should a woman continue to shower a man who is selfish, abusive, and behaves in an ungodly manner with affection? I think we can “love” a person without doing those things.

    • lei says:

      I agree! How does a woman surrender and or support a husband who puts everything above taking his family to church… a man who loses his temper… a man who is so opinionated on how he should be treated, standards are so low for him and standards set so high for the rest of his family. Emotionally dead! I was raised in a Christian household.

    • abby says:

      M6 sentiments too

  7. AmericanWoman says:

    Interesting enough is that this article as most articles written by men do boil it down to women withholding “love and arrection” Ie sex. It always boils down to ..no matter how crappy a man’s behavior you should still submit sex to him.
    At what Point do we stop blaming men’s behavior on their penis? At what point to we admit that women so NOT like to be emotionally abandoned in every other aspect of their marriage except PHYSICALLY in the bedroom
    I would contend that any man truly LOVING his wife doesn’t do so just to get sex. No woman likes to feel like they have to have sex with a man to get him to do the right thing or be nice to her. That kind of behavior and expectation does nothing but ensure the wife feels like nothing more than a whore who has to Dole out sexual favors in order for her man to do the right thing.
    This is cyclical bad behavior that perpetually leaves many wives feeling cheap and worth nothing more than what she offers in the bedroom.
    Maybe if men start being decent, respectful and responsible human beings outside the bedroom then women will be more responsive and willing INSIDE the bedroom

    • Kim says:

      Amen, amen, amen! Women are responders; God made us that way. And He was the one who told husbands to AGAPE their wives. The unconditional is inherent in the definition of the word. Love is giving and sacrifice, whether you are getting all the sex you want or not. There are so many women who are dealing with “put out because I pay the bills!” without getting any of the love and security they need. It is a demand with a threat (spoken or unspoken): have sex with me or I will not pay the bills; keep it up, I will leave you. That isn’t just a lack of love; it is abuse! My husband constantly threatened divorce, almost since the day we got married if, when he said jump I didn’t say how high, even when I got very sick while pregnant with our youngest child. And then when things didn’t go his way in the legal case he dragged all of us through due to his undisclosed abusive past, and when I wasn’t getting better, he filed for divorce, trying his best to leave me and our children as destitute as possible. This is heinous behavior, and any man who does this has NO RIGHT to his wife’s body.

      • Broken says:

        Wow!!! So this selfish & abusive behavior is more common than I thought??? He may not hit me, but I know it’s abusive. It almost seems as if someone peeked into my life. I’m drowning in despair, dying while trying to live.

    • JD says:

      I could have written that!!

    • Anonymous says:

      I agree with you on this. It is hard when you keep trying, and never get the emotional needs met afterwards. It leaves you feeling very used and not loved.

  8. TJ says:

    I absolutely believe the Bible’s word and that the man is given the responsibility and charge over his family to lead and be an example that God expects. I to go through extremely feeling overwhelmed and hopeless because my husband is not the leader. He demands respect yet has absolutely no evidence of God in his life. It’s 1st Peter 3 is how I’m supposed to be well then I guess I fall short because not saying anything and winning somebody over without a word it’s really not my style. I’m not saying that I’m right I’m just saying that I cannot sit by and watch my whole life be destroyed and my two children and because somebody else doesn’t want to do their part. I absolutely believe in tough love because Jesus ask the man at that couldnt walk”did he want to get well”?? You see Jesus gives us the choice of what we want.. what we decide is what we will live with. So if somebody does not want to do their part leading they will reap what they sow.

    • Sarah collier says:

      That passage doesn’t say win them without a word, but that when they see the relationship with your heavenly Father, because if they are not following and might not even know what the Word says, that they may see the error of their ways. Essentially this passage is a practice of allowing the love you received and continue to receive with fellowship with God in Word and prayer, be shared with others. This goes for not only your husband in an unequally yoked marriage but for any unbeliever that may have friendship with you or need of mentoring.

    • Anonymous says:

      NOT ALWAYS MANIPULATION, AT SOME POINT IT HAS TO BE SELF PRESERVATION. NOT A GODLY PRINCIPAL, UNFORTUNATELY THE PAIN GETS TO BE TO MUCH…EMOTIONAL BANKRUPTCY!

  9. Tashibra Mcleod says:

    This is Wonderful Information, It gives woman such a different outlook on things seen in the Bible.

  10. Damita says:

    The example of the castle and canon were reveresed for me. Also, there was a passive aggressive and immature mannerism to go along with most of the other things you mentioned. Can the recommended solution be aplied even though the actions and responses are reversed? Its like the wife has the male responses and the hisband has the female responses.

    • Lyn says:

      I live the same thing Damita and can’t figure out what to do as a Christian when there’s a total roll reversal because of being made to be the logical, rational one on the marriage while he is the emotional wreck.

    • Blanca says:

      I am certain my husband is a narcissist, he has now left our home, myself & our 2 girls, 9 & 1 1/2. Just moved to this state 7 months ago. Feeling empty, lost & broken!

  11. Renee says:

    What you wrote rings so true.
    My husband has failed to lead in multiple areas…

    Cheating…strip clubs…cars repossessed…we don’t see or hear him worship…he doesn’t lead us to God…I’ve had to take on that role and have now become quite frustrated.

    I haven’t withheld my love from him…but I’m starting to feel like I should because my faithfulness, always being there…seems to be taken advantage of.

    • Lucinda Dawson says:

      There is a book called “LOVE MUST BE TOUGH” by James Dobson. It sounds like you are being taken advantage of. There is no respect for your love and faithfulness. That needs to stop.

    • Trudy says:

      To make yourself have sex with someone who is emotionally abusive or cheating and going to strip clubs is damaging and there is nothing manipulative about not laying down with someone like that.

      • Anonymous says:

        If I was you .iwould protect yourself from stds or even aids.cause u don’t know who’s he’s having sex with.for yourself.becareful use wisdom.

      • abby says:

        You say withholding from your husband is a form of manipulation since when they finally exhibit certain behavior then the wife will give affection or respect. I am not sure if it is,always manipulation when giving and being available to someone who is unavailable and not a safe place is so extremely painful. It becomes too painful to give out of such a place of emptiness, pain, and aloneNess. That is not so much manipulation as it is a protecting and guarding against more pain.

  12. Lisa says:

    Yes, but what about marriages that involve abuse? Physical, mental and emotional.

    • Julie says:

      This advice is not for people who are in those types of marriages. It’s very misleading…as the headline makes one believe that it might be swayed that way.
      Please look into Leslie Vernick, or Dr George Simon. Both are Christians and do a good job of providing resources and articles to those in emotionally destructive relationships from a Biblical perspective.

  13. Janet says:

    Yes we each responsible for our own relationship with Jesus but the husband should be encouraging praying together, reading the word together so that there is a connection spiritually. It is easy for a women to do this but not for the average man. Why? They want to be the spiritual leader but are lazy in follow through. I am tired of being the one who steps up to the plate and lead. I have stopped and noting has happen and my husband reads the Word daily by himself. So now our relationship has been affected by the lack of spiritual leadership. I am still responsible for my own relationship with Jesus but will not get back on a treadmill of enabling him.

    • Robin says:

      I think you’re absolutely correct. When we as wives try to drag our husbands along or push them into being the spiritual leaders they’re supposed to be, we are indeed taking on the wrong role. Then lies the question- how do we help them to take in that role? So very frustrating.

      • Anonymous says:

        You can’t make someone lead nor drag them. It has to already be in them.

      • Brian says:

        Belong to a small church one with a men’s fellowship That do men things at the fellowship. Like cook out or have a car Club. The big churches aren’t so personable. And as a man for me that’s what keeps my interest. Then 1 day turns into a month then a year of being around men who have Jesus in thier lives. It happened to me this way and I’ve been saved for 3 years now.

    • JTB says:

      “In order to be lead one must be willing to follow”
      JTB

    • Kammie says:

      Yep. I get told I’m ungodly and in rebellion and disrespectful and he is the spiritual leader. Yet he doesn’t pray over or with the family, refuses to do devotional, doesn’t go to church with us, etc. He makes poor financial choices and then blames me for not “holding up my end of the marriage financially” and it’s “abusive.” I don’t feel I have any choice for the sake of my children to be the spiritual leader. They won’t get it if I don’t do it.

  14. Rene says:

    I appreciate what the lady is saying about putting the responsibility on men, however, I believe the article is geared towards the mans responsibility to lead the Family, not just the wifes relationship with God. There is a great distinction there. If the head of the household is falling away from guiding the Family in the name of Christ, then the family suffers and even if the mother is Faithful or even more Faithful & takes on the role, the family is still broken a bit. A man, in terms of the Bible, would do good to lead his Family Spiritually.

  15. J says:

    So u are saying that if a woman doesn’t respect he husband the right way then they are to blame for the marriage falling apart???

    • M. says:

      That was my reaction to this as well. As the victim of spousal abuse (physical, emotional, and spiritual), this seems highly simplistic. In my case, I am expected to treat him and his wishes with great deference while my wishes are completely disregarded as well as being called a whore/slut/bitch on a daily basis. All the while being told that if I don’t forgive immediately I’ll “go to hell”. Meanwhile he is being considered for deaconship at our church. Sorry for the long comment, but I just felt another perspective was needed.

      • Anonymous says:

        That is why the article says ” other than in times when tough love must be exhibited.” I’m sorry you have had to go through such a hard time. When abuse is involved it is a different story, boundaries must be set and safety ( physically, emotionally, spiritually must be priority. Praying for you and that you will be loved as you should be ( God says husbands should love their wives as they do their own bodies.) and know that you are loved so much by the Lord who wants to help and heal you.

      • It says:

        almost exact situation. We need a support group. I don’t think God expects our life to be this way but where do we even start? Praying for you

        • TB says:

          That would be great to start a support group!! Please do, I promise I’ll join in fellowship, prayer, and encouragement!! God knows I need help and I’m the leader in my home, too.. It’s tough and spiritually draining.. 🙁

      • Colette says:

        It’s amazing what they do behind closed doors M.
        But God sees all.

      • Angela says:

        No you should not have to put up with that and I believe that’s what they are saying in the article at times tough love is necessary-meaning you leave and get safe and if they treat you that way and refuse help counseling in change you love them and yoursel enough not to continue in the destructive cycle. God does not call you to be abused.

      • K says:

        I too am a victim of abuse. Additionally my husband is diagnosed as having bipolar yet he refuses to take his medication and is frequently degrading and mean. Additionally, he does not work and refuses to smoke cigarettes outside thus purposely exposing me and our three children to secondhand smoke. He is 40 and a college graduate. He denies that secondhand smoke is cancerous. I am strongly thinking about leaving him again but I am torn because I know that God hates divorce. Does He hate abuse as well?

        • Laura says:

          I was deeply impressed by the book ” The Emotionally Destructive Marriage.” In it the author makes the point that God loves individuals before institutions. She doesn’t think God loves marriage above and beyond how each person in the marriage is being treated. He loves you deeply and cares that you are not being respected and cared for as Christ loves the church. I do not like divorce and never wanted one, but the world is a broken place and things happen along the way. I believe we are allowed to exercise tough love. And in all honesty it seems that you have not really had a marriage with him for some time. Please stand up for yourself and how you should be treated and be the role model you want your kids to have. Living in dysfunction while telling them it is normal is going to affect them the rest of their lives. And letting your husband do as he likes is also enabling him to continue in his harmful choices. A separation may be what will put his own consequences of his behavior back on him so that maybe he will seek God’s way. I know how destructive bi-polar can be.

          • Laurie says:

            Absolutely. God actually designed marriage to be between 2 equal people with Him (Holy Spirit ) as the “head”. Incidentally the Greek word for head has nothing to do with authority, leading, or any kinf of patriarchal system. It has only to do with Paul correcting their creations theology. Male was created first, then female. Marriage is about intimacy. Not power and control. You can only build intimacy between 2 equal people. And contrary to traditional misinterpretation of the Scripture husband and wife should be equal and the Holy Spirit is the only authority over husband and wife because all of us are to be led by Him.

      • Kristin says:

        Um, okay, 1 Peter 3:1 is written specifically to believing wives with unbelieving husbands. The husband is lost, therefore, of course the kingdom of darkness is all he has to give her. That’s why she is to offer respect to him whether he earns it or not…he’s the mission field for her personally. But if he’s claiming he’s a Christian, a totally different approach is commanded. This is where Matt. 18 comes into play. Christians are accountable to one another, most especially inside the marriage covenant. And any time abuse is the norm, tough love is the only way to show agape. It’s exactly what God does to us when we refuse to repent. I recommend Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townshend. To permit abuse to continue is to be the wicked servant who hid his talent in the ground because he was afraid. We are stewards. We are not permitted to enable abuse. And abuse usually comes with codependence, so the abused has hard work to do, too. Speaking from experience.

      • Sarah collier says:

        I took, from the quote, that if a man cannot follow God, he cannot be leader.

      • Anonymous says:

        M.tell your church about the abuse he’s in no position to be a deacon. You should pray first but do not let him demean you you can forgive but do not forget and don’t let this abuse keep happening! A true man of God is gentle and kind not abusive!

    • Pete says:

      Husbands honor your wife so all may go well with you!

    • Jamie says:

      Sometimes that could be true. People tend to live up to or down to expectations. Treat someone with respect and they may try to be someone to respect. Regardless of how someone else acts Jesus commands us to love others as we love ourselves. It can be very hard sometimes because we tend to want to treat people the way they treat us. We can’t change how others act, only ourselves. I have found that usually the more you show God’s love, the happier the marriage. Forgive quickly and look out for the needs of your partner. You may be surprised how quickly he/she responds in kind. BTW, if a spouse is being abusive-it does say “other than times when tough love must be exhibited.”

  16. Amanda G. says:

    *as decent

  17. Amanda G. says:

    Maybe most Church things are geared towards women, because they like church and the socialization more than men. Or because they need more help and they are the ones teaching kids(future generations) not to mention the rising number of single mother households. Also women tend to care more about how their relationships are doing than men do…. Just naturally because they are mothers…. So they are most likely to read marriage and parenting books…. I guess it is all how once chooses to look at it. Sure you can blame it one money, it is involved. But it still makes a weak argument, men could just as easily spend their money on those things and change the tide…. But I am sure it is spent in other places that exist to “just make money” as well…. And I am sure the motives aren’t as decent as a church’s either.

  18. Julie says:

    This article is so spot-on! I am continually blessed by your words of wisdom in relaying Biblical principles!! May God’s best blessing be upon you & your family, Dr.Force. <3

    • JTB says:

      “In order to be lead one must be willing to follow”
      JTB

      • Anonymous says:

        What about those that are willing to follow but there is no one leading?!?

      • Anonymous says:

        I tried to follow for years but my passive/aggressive with addictive behavior of 22 years of marriage, now ex-husband, would not lead! I prayed for years but he still had a choice. Well, so did I & I finally had to divorce him. He is now remarried after only knowing his new bride not only a year! I pray for my boys to not fall into the same trap of addiction.

  19. Kristy says:

    Our church has the same amount of things going on. The ratio is 50/50.
    The man is to be the leader of the home however, if he can not either physically or emotionally, it is then up to the wife to take up the cross and move forward with her husband by her side.

  20. Anonymous says:

    As a Christian woman, I feel the need to reply to the man above who states, ‘But in today’s modern world.”

    The word never changes, even though times have. We can’t mold it to “fit” into our lives.

    I agree with this article on every point. Thank you for writing and sharing.

  21. The Husband Who Is Trying says:

    Thank you!

    • J says:

      I don’t read it that way. It looks as though this could be taken as this is a fault of women so men use that to get out of their marriage.

  22. Jill says:

    Maybe I am wrong on this but I feel that teaching often perpetuated and over emphasized in the church that man/husband/father is somehow responsible for the spiritual nourishment of his whole family causes more harm than good. Perhaps this made sense in an ancient culture where women weren’t even allowed in the temple and likely couldn’t read. But in today’s modern world a woman can pick up a Bible for herself and read it. She can pray to God herself. She can drive herself to church. Her husband may not be a breliever especially if she got saved after marriage or she may be further along in the faith than him.

    Point is I have heard many women speak in disappointment and exasperation because their husbands are not the “spiritual leaders” they think they ought to be. I as a woman think this is unfair to lay on these husbands. My husband is not responsible for my relationship with Jesus. I am! I have not and will not make him responsible for it. I am further along in the faith than he is but I never hold this over his head. I encourage him in his faith. He sees me reading the Bible now he has asked me about getting one for him to read along. I am excited because I pray for him all the time and I am seeing God work.

    Whoever is saved first and is further along in the faith may lead the way so to speak spiritually. It does not mean I am in charge and domineering over my husband. It simply means as you or I follow Jesus Christ you or I should inspire others to follow Jesus as well and that may mean a wife leads her husband to Christ.

    So please stop making these men responsible for their wives relationship with Jesus. It causes more harm than good.

    • You may want to read our article on this subject.

      http://hittinghomeministry.com/happy-marriage/

      Thank you,

      Dr. Force

    • Anonymous says:

      So you must go against what the bible teaches to please others. Let me know how that works out for you…

      • Sarah collier says:

        Anonymous… The thing is that when In Christ, there is no male or female. Marriage is a ‘law’ that can be placed under the law of Spirit in Christ, resulting in all just being servants under Christ under God- so it really isn’t going against the way the Bible teaches. It is in relation to what law you
        operate under.

    • Larry says:

      Because the simplest way to get women to continue to empty their bank account in the name of religion is to blame everything on men.
      Why do you think most church functions are geared toward women? MONEY

      Why do you think there are so many “women conferences”? MONEY

      Why are most religious books written geared toward women? MONEY

      This writing is no more than cherry picked passages from the bible once again being used to distort a message to get people on this site and eventually spend that MONEY

      • Melissa says:

        I don’t think they are going to.be making a killing at 9.99 a book, smh!

      • Sergeant says:

        Did you read the bottom half of the article. Sounds pretty fair to me man.
        Just because your wife thought it was good and wanted you to read it, doesn’t mean that God didn’t want you to read it. Sometimes you just have to open your heart to what He wants to show you.
        I am happy that my wife chooses to read these religious geared books rather than some fantasy book that makes her think I need to look like Fabio and have sex for hours at a time. Those books cost money.
        Everything cost money. It’s on us how we spend it. Do we spend on fruitless things that will lead to destruction, or do we give our money to ministries that help others and encourage them to have a relationship with Christ.

      • Amanda G. says:

        That is a weak argument. Women are more naturally inclined to improve the relationships in their lives, and enjoy the socialization of a church more than men might. There is also an increasing number of single mother households that probably need help more than the men who left their kids to be a part time parent IF THAT. And kids are the future, so what better investment? Your money angle is weak, because I am sure that men’s bank accounts are emptied in a variety of places that also exist to “just make money” and I would also bet their intentions are not bad decent as the average church. So it is all in what one values and how one chooses to look at it.

      • Arnie Rogers says:

        Look at what I said above .

      • Anonymous says:

        No– it’s bc woman are the major readers in the household

    • Yolanda says:

      Whether the man is acting as a spiritual leader or not, God gave him that role.

    • Anonymous says:

      He’s not saying that the husband is responsible for the wife’s relationship with Jesus. However the husband is to be the leader of the home. Scriture says it. God commands it. That doesn’t mean the wife has no responsibilities. She does. She’s to help her husband any way she can.

    • Julie says:

      Men are responsible in a biblical marriage to love their wives as Christ lives the Church. Period. This includes a spiritual element. If men fail to grow spiritually, all wives can do is grow themselves and be an example in a loving way….not condescending way as many women do. This is both counterproductive and manipulative and ends up in emotional gridlock. It is best to not marry a non-Christian. Heed the word of Moses before he died and before the Israelites entered the promise land: Do not intermarry with the Gentiles. (Our modern day translation, a non-Christian). Making sure the man they love is rooted in Christ is necessary. Once married, yes, grow individually but also pray together. If is a must. The devil loves division and is winning the Christian marriage war.

    • Kim says:

      I believe the breakdown of families today lies with a lack of spiritual leadership from men. I AM a Christian but I am weary. My husband drinks while we are at church on Wednesday nights and rarely attends church with us on Sunday’s. He claims he’s a Christian but there is very little fruit displayed for my 12 year old son to see. I am involved and plugged in to our local Baptist church and my son loves going. He has been saved is a wonderful young man. My husband doesn’t view him as a blessing. I have heard that a person’s view of our Heavenly Father is often akin to our earthly father figures. If this is true, and I believe it somewhat is, my son will have a distorted understanding of the grace and mercy bestowed on us and be focused on angry God – someone who is not approachable. I’m doing all I can to raise our son in a Godly home but I feel that my husband’s actions will deter him from reaching his full potential in Christ. I do believe that a man is to lead his home but I cannot and will not let my child be led down he path of his daddy.

    • Angela says:

      God placed man as the head the bible clearly states that. Like an employee we are each responsible to do the work we are assigned. Our manager does not do our work but he does have to answer to the boss if there is problems. The husband is to nurture and guide and encourage and most of all model a Godly relationship, we are to follow. This has been a hard one for me as well, I was the stronger one spiritually at first but I couldn’t do it as hard as I tried to lead my family I was spinning my wheels. I finally a few years ago said I have to do it God’s way even if I think I’m a better leader and I stepped down. I told my husband I wanted him to lead spiritually, that I was tired of trying to do his and my roles, that I realized I had been trying to lead and God calls him to do it. I backed off it wasn’t easy but he has stepped up and grown so much spiritually and God has blessed him and our whole family and I’m less stressed and more at peace with my role. It’s much easier to follow a man walking with the Lord. Rather than walking his own path.

    • Carol says:

      I totally agree with you, Jill. I waited with great frustration for over 20 years for my husband to lead spiritually. I finally just took it upon my self to seek the Lord and follow the leading of the Holy Spirit. This has resulted in a wonderful, vibrant relationship with Christ and a greatly improved relationship with my husband. I can now accept the way my husband is (He has many good qualities.)and just enjoy my relationship with him.

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