Every Marriage Comes To A Pivot Point

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Ever wonder why marriages fail or start to go bad? I believe that to find the answer you must go back to the early days of a relationship.

In the early stages of a romantic relationship, couples can act according to how they feel. This is because both see the good, but not so much the bad and the ugly of one another as of yet.  Thus, since they feel happy and hopeful that the other person is the one for them, both usually act in a kind and affectionate manner.

During the early part of a relationship, there is also sense of newness and curiosity in the air which helps to produce a descent amount of intoxicating feelings. Though negative characteristics about the relationship and one another may be present, many are too drunk with their own emotions during this leg to notice or do anything about it.

 

I Love What You are Doing for Me

 

At this juncture, when couples say, “I love you.”, they typically mean “I love what you are doing for me.” or “I love the way I am feeling.”. They are not so much in love with meeting the needs of the other person as they are with their feelings of intoxication. Bear in mind, there is a difference.

 

The Tide Changes

 

Gradually, things change. It can be before the wedding day or after, but the atmosphere surrounding the relationship starts to feel a little different. Differences in personalities, negative behaviors and attitudes, or disagreements on how to deal with life in general start to cause the flood of emotions to subside. As these emotional waters lower, the rubble of their differences and their selfish tendencies are often in plain sight.

It is at this time that couples tend to believe that their love is waning.  On the contrary, it is just now that they are going to show whether or not they have an ability to truly love each other in a Biblical manner (John 15:13 and I John 3:18). In essence, they have come to what I call the pivot point.

Most marriages do not fail because of a lack of compatibility, personality differences, or too much water under the bridge. For those looking for answers as to why marriages fail, it must be noted that it is because of a failure to make the right moves from this juncture.

 

 

The Pivot Point

 

The pivot point is a stage that every couple comes to whether they realize it or not. It is at this phase that they either make or break their marriage or pre marriage relationship, and they usually end up doing one of the following: quitting, fighting, settling into a chasm of mediocrity, or making the appropriate changes necessary.

The pivot point occurs when couples start to sense their initial emotions for each other waning.  The feelings that once flowed so freely start to become dammed up by arguments, boredom, temper tantrums, feelings of insecurity, or the reality of what makes a relationship really work. Though this shift can come in all shapes and sizes and in different degrees, it will happen in any relationship.

 

Up to This Time

 

Up to this time, it worked for both parties to act according to their feelings as they previously felt happy, vulnerable, and like little kids around each other. Now, the atmosphere is a little different in that their emotions are minced with feelings of anger, apathy, bitterness, fear, disappointment, confusion, or possibly dejection. If they continue to act according to how they feel, they will simply make matters worse, and their relationship will fail to move to higher ground.

For couples in such a case, a change in their approach to the relationship will be necessary. In other words, when they see their initial emotions for each other changing, it is vital that they make the right pivot or change in the relationship in order to keep their feelings flowing in a positive direction. The change is as follows:

 

Instead of allowing their actions to be a slave to their feelings, couples must learn to make their feelings subservient to Biblical behavior.

Order our Christian Marriage Book
How to Fight for Your Marriage Without Fighting with One Another

 

  • Learn our 2-step Process to Solving Marriage Issues
  • Use for your next Bible study
  • A Biblical Yet Refreshing Approach

 

 

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5 comments on “Every Marriage Comes To A Pivot Point
  1. Lillie says:

    I wish there was more on how to fight for your marriage when you are in an unequally yoked marriage. I know that having married someone like that was my mistake and I’ve repented for it, I also know I have to pay for the consequences of that action, but I’m sure that biblically there mus be something I can do to slowly but surely fix my marriage. I have faith that even though it wasn’t within God’s will for me to be with my husband, He has blessed us in order to show His love, mercy, grace, and glory. Is there anything in your book that can benefit us?

    • We have seen the principles in our book help couples from all sorts of backgrounds. In your situation, chapters 1, 2, and 6 may prove very helpful. Also, chapter 10 dealing with the cold versus the snow principle may be something that you have not considered implementing in your marriage.

      The book may be ordered at http://shop.hittinghomeministry.com/Book-Fight-for-Your-Marriage-Without-Fighting-with-One-Another-6.htm

      Thank you,

      Dr. Force

    • Shawnte' says:

      Hello from my understanding in the Bible it says a sanctify wife sanctify her husband. Pray fervently for your husband and that God touches his heart for him to be the man God called for him to be. And most of all show love. 1 corthians 13, 1corthians4:5 and Ep 4:1-5

    • Sherri says:

      Lillie, I grew up in a home where my mother was a believer and my dad wasn’t. I can tell you that God blessed our family through my mom’s faithfulness to Him. My mom never pushed Christianity on my dad but she did hold her ground when it came to her beliefs and my dad ultimately respected her for it. My parents have been married for 57 years and my dad eventually started going to church with my mom and was baptized and accepted Christ at the age of 60! God is faithful. Stand on His promises. Your family, including your husband, will receive blessings because of you. It won’t be easy but it’s worth it! As a side note, I and both of my siblings are believers too! My mom did well showing our family Christ and being the spiritual leader of our home.

  2. scott walker says:

    nailed it

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  • A Biblical Yet Refreshing Approach

 

 

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