Feeling as if Your Children are Causing Marriage Problems?
There are three things couples argue about the most; money, sex, and children. Here is more Christian-based help for those feeling that their children are causing marriage problems.
Your Children are Not the Issue
First of all, the door to disunity always opens from the inside in a marriage. Therefore, your children are not the issue. Ultimately, either one or both of you have poor conflict resolution skills, a lack of peace, and/or a lack of functionality.
God has designed marriage so that no matter the outside force, couples should have an inseparable bond. So the ultimate problem is not with the children as much as your ability as a couple to handle the job of parenting.
United Front
It is so vital to have a united front with the children. This is because children will always take the path of least resistance, and if they find a weaker link in the parents, they will take advantage.
Here are a few tips that I have learned being the father of 7 children:
1. Do not discuss matters in front of the children if you are not in agreement as of yet.
Once children see that there is a foothold to work one parent against the other, they will often use that to their advantage. By the way, it is not that they are rebellious as much as they are testing the authority figures in their life. That is, children view their parents as a bridge upon which they desire to safely walk. If those parents show signs of weakness, then they will jump up and down on that bridge to see if it is strong enough to hold them.
2. Speak in the we instead of the me.
There is power in numbers. So, stop saying I and use the words we, us, and our more. It has an effect as children are little psychologists, and, deep down, they know what the real deal is.
3. Do not alter your decisions and approach until you have conferred with the other spouse.
I cannot stress this enough. If a parent does not confer with the other before changing the rules or the predetermined plan of action, it will nullify the power of their private talks.
4. Do not argue around the children.
We cover this in chapter 11 of our marriage book, How to Fight for Your Marriage Without Fighting with One Another.
5. Do not gossip behind the back of the other parent with the children.
Honestly, nothing undermines parental authority more than this. Functional families do not gossip about each other.
- Learn about our proven, 2-step process
- Designed as a couples devotional
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- A biblical and refreshing approach
My husband has taken Marrital property and has given it to his grandson and this has caused stress and severe anger on my part. I feel as if he puts him ahead of me . He acts like his grandson is his partner instead of me. I feel as though the property we have earned together should stay with us unless we both agree other wise and he did this behind my back and I’ve lost trust and respect in my husband because I feel like he thinks more of his grandson and his son than he does me….. I’m suppose to be my husband other half so that we are one… When one hurts the other hurts and he has done me wrong so many times that I’ve lost the soulmate kind of love.. He met me in church. I taught Sunday school..played the piano… Had a Christian bookstore… Bible studies 3 times a week and church 3 times a week… He doesn’t want to live full time for God… He wants to do his thing.. Curse… Bar hop… 6 months of last year he didn’t curse and he told me that he would never let anyone come between us again including his son or grandson…. Then his son went to jail and he started going to see him every week … Giving him money… Taking his ex wife out to eat… Calling another 1 of his ex wives… I just don’t know how much more I can take…. I refuse to come second in his life to his son… Or grandson…. Or anyone else…. It’s Christ first….then me his other half…. I’m so heart broken and depressed.. And sick … I pray all the time… I have never looked at another man or ran around on him… I love him and I know God joined us together and I know he is my soulmate…. I’m fully for Jesus Christ and I want give that up for no one!!!!! I can’t keep living this way! Please help. I’ve prayed and prayed and he even accuses of an evangelist that God used to heal my husband and I have never been alone no where with ANY MAN!!!!!! I haven’t been able to sleep… Eat or anything. I have no income so I have to depend on his income which is limited and some times he will pay the bills and sometimes he want. He is disabled but he can do some work… I have worked the whole 11 years we have been married until I became disabled and my check has not started yet! So he uses finances over my head and he has left me twice so I don’t have that sense of security!