The tragedy of couples having poor communication in a marriage is namely this:
What husbands and wives fail to communicate in a healthy, non-toxic way will be communicated in a way that makes both of them appear as if they are the other’s enemy.
Every Couple Communicates
Every couple communicates, however, few seem to communicate well. In other words, I often say that what you fail to say in a non-toxic way will be said in a way that accomplishes very little in a marriage.
Couples that will not say what they are thinking and feeling in a non-emotionally charged setting will typically end up expressing their frustrations in one or more of the following ways:
Giving the cold shoulder
Giving the silent treatment
Blowing up about peripheral issues
Withdrawing into a shell
Putting up walls
Portraying a closed spirit
More Work Now Means Less Work Later
Couples that struggle to communicate well are often lazy when dealing with issues. That is, rather than take the time to lovingly confront a matter or put everything on the table, they will often stuff down their feelings and continue as if nothing happened. The only problem is that what takes less work now usually means more work later.
Couples that calmly deal with issues before they get messy find that they have to exert less strength and emotional effort to solve issues. Couples that wait until they have lost their temper or a problem has been blown way out of proportion have to exhibit much more energy in order to solve their issues.
Proverbs 17:14 says:
“The beginning of strife is as when one letteth out water: therefore leave off contention, before it be meddled with.”
The interpretation is obvious. The Bible is telling us to deal with contention swiftly instead of waiting for a situation to get out of hand.
The Heart of the Matter
I once heard someone say that the heart of every matter is the heart. And, it should be noted that when a spouse is angry, short, rude, or contentious, they are often communicating something else. It is important to look to the heart of the matter and retrace a few steps. It could be that though they are coming across like your enemy, the real issue is that they are upset because they do not feel like your friend.
Ordering Our Marriage Book
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