Have I Forgiven My Spouse?

Have I Forgiven My Spouse

What is forgiveness? How does one measure forgiveness? How can a spouse know if they have forgiven their mate or not? How does the person asking, “Have I forgiven my spouse?” truly know if they are a forgiving spouse?

Forgiveness is a Process more than an Event

Unfortunately, forgiveness is not a one time event. Though it may be for God, we are of a different sort because it is impossible for us to forgive and to forget.

Though the scriptures tell us that God remembers our sins no more (Hebrews 8:12), we are not God. Therefore, we seem to have to work at forgiveness a little harder as we will always have the memory of another person’s failures in the back of our minds.

Forgiveness is a Day to Day Event

Forgiveness is often a choice that we must make on a daily basis. Though we may find it easier to forgive the longer we are walking in forgiveness, I still believe that forgiveness is a choice that must be made on a daily basis. Quite simply, it is a choice to:

1. Show unconditional love

2. Think thoughts that are positive in nature

3. Talk in a way that is edifying

4. Refrain from beating what I call dead horses about the person in question

Forgiveness is Not Measured in Mere Sentiment

It seems that with some, forgiveness is more of an idea than action. Honestly, forgiving a spouse does not simply involve our minds as much as our behavior. And, I do not believe that we have truly forgiven our spouses if we are not willing to treat them in a kind manner.

Of course, there are those that we must show tough love to, and there are some spouses that are so abusive in nature that boundary lines must be set up. However, if a spouse is dealing with what I would call normative marital conflict, then I would recommend that they measure their forgiveness by action rather than their thoughts.