Hard to Please Your Spouse, James 4:1-2, Emotionally Distant

 

Are You Finding it Hard to Please Your Spouse?

 

Finding it hard to please your spouse? It could be that you are married to someone that is what I call an amazing contradiction. Read a little more to find out if you are married to such a person.

 

Always Welcome – Do Not Enter

 

A few weeks ago, our family was taking a trip to Ormond Beach, Florida. For many of you, this may sound like a vacation trip, however, we live just 50 miles away from Ormond.

While looking for an entrance to the beach, I noticed a sign on a gate that was very intriguing. It said, “Do Not Enter”. By itself, that is fairly common. But, on the same gate I noticed another sign. It said, “Always Welcome”.

Though an amazing contradiction, it is important to see that more people than we realize give off the same messages. Though they seem to want people around them, they also have a way of pushing those very same people away once they get a little too close for comfort.

 

How this Plays Out in Marriage

 

Here are some ways that some spouses push others away when they start to get too close:

 

1. By subconsciously pushing the other person’s buttons so that they will lose their cool (Sounds crazy, but it happens more than you realize.).

 

2. By becoming emotionally and mentally distant.

 

3. By being cutting or rude for no apparent reason.

 

4. By setting standards so high in the marriage that the other person always feels as if they can never please their spouse.

 

I know all of this sounds a little crazy to the casual reader, but I have found that there is an incredible amount of truth to these thoughts. And, more than we realize, some of our readers are shaking their head in approval as these traits mirror the behavior of their hard-to-please spouse.

 

Necessary Evil

 

If you are finding it hard to please your spouse, this article may explain the why behind what you are experiencing. In relationships where this is occurring, I find that a spouse or a significant other almost becomes a necessary evil to a person. That is, they know whey want companionship and closeness, but they feel so uncomfortable once it occurs.

 

A Little Advice

 

Here are a few steps that people in such a case can take to overcome the issues mentioned in this article:

 

Recognize that this is a pattern in your life.

 

In my view, 90 percent of the battle is typically understanding that their is an issue in the first place. Once you are aware of the issue, you should be able to start catching yourself before either retreating or sabotaging the marriage or pre marriage relationship.

 

Recognize that when we are uncomfortable with how others are viewing us on a horizontal level, it is typically a sign that we are not secure in our vertical relationship with the Father.

 

Though you may bristle at this point at first, it should be understood that James 4:1-2 clearly points out that we fight and war with others because we have unmet needs from the Father.

 Be courageous about your relationships.

 

To move forward in the realm of wisdom, we typically have to do that which is illogical and a little scary. When you feel like emotionally and mentally running from an uncomfortable situation, stay present. It may scare you at first, but you will find that a little closeness will not kill you, it will just feel different at first.