My wife and I could destroy one another if we wanted to. Yep, that’s exactly what I said. Even though I am a marriage coach, author of a marriage book, marriage speaker, and a pastor, we could easily focus on the past, nitpick our idiosyncrasies, and wake up each morning with a load of case files against the other. However, there are a few aspects about our marriage that keep us from doing so.
A lack of forgiveness toward one another would be hypocritical
Ephesians tells us to forgive one another “even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you”. If we desire forgiveness from God yet are unwilling to forgive one another, then we are hypocritical at best.
I probably have a great wife rather than a great marriage
To be honest, I am a high maintenance husband. I know many would think differently after reading my marriage book or hearing me speak on marriage, but, if the truth be told, we probably have a great marriage more because Melody is a great wife rather than the other way around.
Of course, my wife stands her ground with a quiet strength, and we are never to abuse the fact that the other is a forgiving person. But, at the end of the day, I am certain that we have a better marriage more because our love covers our sins rather than fills the other’s cup.
I know some would like to think that we have a great marriage because we meet a certain ideal or standard in the other’s eyes, but we are frail at best. That is, my wife and I are sometimes short with one another, we both say things we shouldn’t, and we sometimes overlook the other person’s needs. However, we have found that good lovers are great lovers, and to look for something other than that would mean that we are already in Heaven.
We live our problems out
We believe in communication, and, for some couples, conversation is all-important. But, in our case, actions speak way louder than words. In fact, early in marriage, the more we tried to clarify our points, the worse our conversation went. For us, the greater need was to build up a bank account of credibility through our actions which always paved the way for smoother communication. We deal with this in chapter 4 of our marriage book, How to Fight for Your Marriage Without Fighting With One Another.
We have a realistic view of marriage
I have never heard music playing in the background when my wife walks into a room. Problems are rarely solved in 90 minutes or less. Many a time, our heads spin not out of elation for one another, but out of frustration. But, at the end of the day, we are together, hand in hand, and closer because of our problems rather than in spite of them.
My wife and I are not just lovers, we are fighters in a common Holy War. Sometimes, we win. On many occasions, we feel a sense of loss. Some call this drudgery. We call it reality. God calls it marriage.
Check Out Our Marriage Book
To learn How to Fight for Your Marriage Without Fighting with One Another, check out Dr. Raymond Force’s marriage book which gives couples a Biblical and refreshing approach to solving their marriage problems. Find out more about our marriage book.